gotahavfaith

Hi everyone, had to come and vent. I just need someone to reach through this computer and just slap me. Where is Anvil when I need her. Bet she could give me a good wallop.

My husband and I let my (R?)AD back into house a couple of weeks ago when school started. Long story short, my husband woke me up this morning at 6:00am to tell me there was money missing out of his wallet. Quite a bit of money too. Daughter swears up and down she did not do it, husband swears up and down she did. Well, we all know that song and dance. So we have thrown her out of house once again. My 5 year old grandson is here with me, my 2yo grandson is with her.

And I was left to pick up pieces with grandson. He has cried pretty much all day because his mommy is not allowed back here. How do you explain this crap to a 5 year old when I am 48 and do not understand. I don't even think she is doing drugs, maybe owed somebody money, he!! I don't know.

I really don't even know what I am saying or asking. I just had to come and tell somebody! I just feel so frustrated, angry, sad, ya know? I am praying to my higher power to give me strength to muddle through another day. And I will because my grandson needs me. We have homework to do and school tomorrow and I am really trying to keep things as normal as possible. Normal? I do not even know what that is. I am worried about my other grandson and where they will go tonight. Like I said someone just slap me!

Gotahavfaith

ItsmeAlice

Now, why exactly am I supposed to be slappin' you????

I can see from her perspective that whenever something goes missing as an addict you're the first one they turn to for blame, but as a recovering addict, she must know that past lies and poor behavior is something you don't just forget because someone's working a program.

If there's no other way the money went missing, you did what you had to do to keep your household safe and healthy. Only time will tell what really happened to the missing funds. Her recovery was tested, and it was possibly a test she did not pass. Again, time will tell.

If you think a smack is really necessary, I'll swing back by, but I don't see a 'smackable' offense here at this point.

Alice (with her hand back in it's holster for now)

leelee5675

Just curious...why is it okay for one child to go with her and not the other??

I'm not judging...just concerned because I am the grown child of an alcoholic that was treated with less respect than my older sister by my codie mother. I know the long term self-esteem issues it can cause for possibly a lifetime.

Again...just curious. Kudos on removing the (R?) AD. I agree with Alice...why would you need slapping??

Thoughts and caring,
leelee

gotahavfaith

Thanks Cynical & Alice - Alice you made me laugh. My offense was letting her back in the house. It just seems like the chaos never ends.

When you said this was a test that she possibly did not pass, I think that is exactly what happened. And you are right, time will tell.

In the meantime, I have my grandson here and ready to go to school tomorrow. My daughter dropped the other grandson off with his dad and said she would be back to pick him up. He has called several times to say he cannot keep him tonight and that she has not shown up and that I need to come and get him. He is 30 minutes away from me, my car is broke down and I have no way to go get him. Why is that my problem? I have already taken the day off work tomorrow to make sure my grandson gets to school and that someone is here to get him off the bus.

AGGGG, all this just makes me crazy!

Thanks for listening
Gotahavfaith

Ann

Please find some way to get that child safely to you, and if you cannot take care of them call CPS, but somebody needs to make sure she doesn't get hold of either of them again.

I'm so sorry, my prayers go out for all of you.

Hugs

greeteachday

Sending some hugs and prayers, especially for you who are at your wits end and those poor little ones who are truly innocent victims of this disease. I do hope the little one's dad can either keep the little guy or get him to you.

One of the most difficult things for me to experience in addiction was the stealing. My daughter never stole much...I think she hoped that a 20 here or there would go undetected, and I suspect it did for awhile until I found out she was an addict. But once it happened, I truly felt violated. I never got to the point where I could leave my purse out when she was in the house, even after rehab and before relapse...I just could not take that feeling. It wasn't the money, it was the clear evidence of trust destroyed. I know that much more horrible things happen as a result of addiction, but the one that made me the most heart sick was stealing.

I'm sorry you are going through this but hope you can maintain your boundaries and let her find her own way.

BigSis

I also worry about the other baby. At two, he is certainly not able to fend for himself, and with an active addict, that will be what he will need to do.

I agree with Ann. Please seriously consider calling CPS to report her status and that of the little boy. My daughter is one of the most wonderful girls on earth, but when she is in active addiction, she has left her boys in some terrible situations... which is why we are not their official guardians.

((hugs))

gotahavfaith

Thank you all for your responses. I would appreciate any prayers that you could send up for my family, especially for my grandsons.

I did go to get my grandson last night, but my daughter had all ready picked him up. She took him to his babysitter's and that is where he spent the night. He loves her and I know he is safe there.

Leelee, it really wasn't ok for her to take grandson with her, but there was such chaos at that time, she just grabbed him and left. She would have taken the 5 year old but he was screaming to stay here, the 2 year old was screaming to go with mom, so that is just how it turned out.

Bedtime was hard for Nick, he cried for his mommy and slept in her bed, but we will get through this. When I talked to the sitter last night she said she talked to my daughter and they had a long talk. My daughter has a counseling assessment today at 1:00 to try and get in our local 90 day inpatient program. This would be her best option. I pray she takes it. She is still trying to do it her way. They try to accomodate and let the women take their children in with them but there isn't always room. So, I guess we will cross that bridge when we come to it. I know I am rambling again, I just wanted to get this off my chest and say thank you to everyone for listening.

Gotahavfaith :praying

gotahavfaith

Just an update. I now have both grandchildren with me, my husband came home and changed the locks on the door, I have called my dad and told him not to give her any money, but I was a little late on that deal. She told my dad that I needed money to pay a bill. He now knows not to give her any more and so does everyone else that I could think of. I will be taking tomorrow off to go to the courthouse and see about temporary custody. She is mad because I have taken the children and was going to call the law on me, but I have yet to see an officer at my door. I cannot and will not put up with this any more. I am done. I told her that I loved her and I hoped that she would seek help. This is bigger than me. So tonight I am just going to hand her over to God and leave the rest to him

Gotahavfaith

hello-kitty

Man oh man. I'm glad the kids are safe and secure today anyway. Let us know how the temp custody thing works out.

Serenity Bound

Gotahavfaith, Good luck with custody, I believe it would be the best solution (even if temp) for all of you.

And definitely, NO slaps from me. Been there & done that!

Lots & hugs & prayers coming your way.
Chris

Spiritual Seeker

No slapping - just support to keep your spirits up as
you move past the fear and disappointment.

This too shall pass...

gotahavfaith

Hi everyone, I went to juvenile yesterday to see what I had to do to get temporary custody of my grandkids. They were not much help. It seems that you do not have to have a house to take your kids, she can drag them around with her if she wants. As long as the 5 year old goes to school, there is not much I can do, unless she is willing to sign over custody, and she is not willing to do that. Or if she is staying at a house that is unfit for the children, I can call CPS. They suggested I start a journal and keep all the information in it. She has agreed to let Nick stay here so he can go to school (1st grade) but she insists on keeping Hunter (2) with her.

I called CPS and they told me that if I could find out where she was staying then they would go to the house and investigate. They would make her take a drug test if they thought that there was abuse or neglect going on. It seems that those are the key words: abuse & neglect. She has more rights than the kids.

My daughter did go for her assessment to determine whether she was a candidate for our local inpatient treatment program, but whether or not she will choose to go I don't know. I really don't think she will. I guess I am just going to have to let her fall on her face, and hope that nothing happens to the 2 year old. Then I will just have to pick up the pieces at that point.

This really is frustrating. But I have to say that just a piece of my heart feels a little lighter today. I feel like I have made the right decisions for myself. I am done trying to fix anything. She will have to find her own way. I will have to do what I need to do for myself, my husband and my grandchildren. And I am glad to have her out of my house. It is time for her to grow up and figure it out. I hope she chooses wisely.

Thank you all for listening and supporting me. As I have said before, this is a great site, and you are all wonderful, warm, and funny people. You have helped me more than you will know.

Gotahavfaith

hello-kitty

Refer to your user-name for further encouragement. ;-) I couldn't say it better myself.

ItsmeAlice

I'm so glad you're able to step back from her and let God handle things from here. Keeping watch from a distance and being there for your grandchildren is all that you have control of and that is more than enough.

My thought are with your grandsons.

Alice