sb0804

Haven't been here for awhile but I know I am coming back to the right place. I have been married to my alcoholic wife for 21 years. I have been there for the tough times, The 4 arrests, DUI, drunk and disorderly, and drunk and shoplifting. I have always been there to support her in her struggles but today was the last straw.

My wife ran out to hit the store about 1 pm. Next thing I know it is 5 pm and the police are on the phone. Apparently my wife did hit the store but it wasn't the grocery store it was the liquor store. She was getting drunk and high at a local park and got totally smashed. From what the cops said she was causing a disturbance on the playground (falling on the slide, trying to swing other people's kids etc.)

I have always heard that you will know when you hit your breaking point and today was it. Right now one side of me is really bummed because tomorrow I have to tell my kids that Mom will be leaving after her court appearance. The Other side of me is truly relieved that this is going to be over.

Thanks everyone for letting me vent.

kv816

Hugs to you SB!!!

I can relate to the terrified but relieved feelings. It all boils down to "it totally sucks".

You say she's leaving after her court appearance.....I assume she's going to be serving time?? Is she at home now or will she see the kids before she goes?

My xabf had to do 30 days court ordered rehab last year. I didn't know what to tell the kids on why he'd be gone so long and I really didn't think it should have been my responsibility either. Yes they are my kids and biologically not his BUT he chose to take on the role of dad when we got together.

HE sat down with them and HE explained what happened and why he was going away. I still had a lot of questions to answer but he made the mistake and he was the one to break the ice.

Maybe your wife could do the same?

onlyliveonce

WOW what a day you've had!! No actually what a day she's had. She's just doing what they do. Sending you good vibes over the next few days for everything to work out like you want.

Pelican

(((SB)))

Welcome back

I'm sorry about the latest episode. Please continue to take care of yourself and the kids!

URMYEVERYTHING

Throughout all of this chaos you will have peace sooner than later. Once you make the decision and follow through with the decision of her leaving a sense of peace will come to you. From there, you will just need to buckle down and stick to your boundaries. Her addiction has gotten way out of your control. She will need a divine intervention at this point (court ordered treatment, detox, rehab, etc.). Let the cards play they always do and you and your kids will be taken care of.

steve11694

Jail time, according to a multitude of recovering alcs is what it took to get straight.

Our blessing are with you

sb0804

Thanks for the thoughts everyone. What I am going to do is sit my kids down (they are older 16 and 19) and let them know that she may serve time and even if she doesn't she wont be living with us anymore.

wornout1

Good luck to you sb.

bluejay6

I'm sorry for all the crisis you have had in your life, sb, and am sorry for the pain your family will suffer as things have to be faced and changes made.

I hope she's done.

Whether or not she is, you have bled enough of your heart and soul for her relationship with alcohol.

I wish for you and your children an easing of your pain and an acceptance of who she is: an alcoholic you cannot cure. I'm sure you tried. It has always been up to her.

God bless,
Bluejay

Electa

Hello SB:

Welcome to the club! Everyone, sooner or later arrives at that moment when they know it has to stop. It is painful to confront the truth, but, as the old (maybe biblical) saying goes: "The truth shall set you free".

On this forum, there is a statement that resonates with me. It is: Awareness. Acceptance. Action.

I am progressing through these steps, my own self.

You have my best wishes. Hang in there!

Electa

sb0804

Well the moment finally came when my wife finally accepted that she needs rehab. My oldest daughter told her that if she doesnt go my wife had to go.

I can't believe that my daughter did it without my telling her that her Mom was leaving. She basically told her that if she wants to kill herself we arent going to watch her do it. At that moment it finally sunk in that she knew I was going to tell her to leave but she never expected that from her.

At the moment I am happy that she is going but at the same time I still am leary about what will happen when she gets out. Right now I am struggling with the thought of whether or not I can truly trust her again.

Is that normal?

isurvived

Yes, the feelings you are having with trust is quite normal. Understandably so! And, the leary feelings you are having on her treatment are also normal. A little part of you can take a big breath of relief, but the rest of you holds back. The fact is treatment is only but one first step to the long path of getting sober. So many alcoholics and friends and family have been led to believe it (treatment) is some kind of magic bullet, or could be compared to medicinal therapies used to treat other illnesses = take it and you'll be cured. IF it were only that approachable!

Whether there is enough left for you to hang in there both during and after the search for sobriety in treatment is totally up to you. We can forgive, but we can't forget.

Some make it, many don't.

My XAH went through three 30-day inpatient treatment programs during the 27 years we were married. He had several years of true sobriety. But, even then I had difficulty trusting. It was that "forgive/forget" thing that gave me problems. Lots of damage done to our relationship, to the core of it - which eventually became obvious to me that it was not repairable. My XAH's alcoholism progressed.

I hope and pray for you and your family a good outcome. It is possible.