harleyd101

Hello all! Yesterday was a major step for me. I celebrated my 4th year clean and sober, and was sooo full of gratitude! On the way to my meeting to get my token, I picked up a friend, and she told me that the ex-ABF had called her because I have his number blocked (6 days, NC!!) He was drunk (no shock there) and he cried and cried to her. He actually said he wanted to come to the meeting to give me my token!!! How incredibly self-centered! Drunk, and he's proud of me, and in his selfishness, thought I would like to get my token from HIM! I can't believe I've actually stayed sober this long while dealing with all of his crap, in spite of him!! WOW!

So, here's the good news.....I got that twist in the gut, and I asked her to not tell me when he calls her, that I do NOT want to hear about him, and I asked her to please not pass along any messeges for me. I asked her to respect this boundry, that moving forward in my life and recovery required complete and total abstinence from this man and anything he may say or do. I don't want to know. I have to be honest and say that it did mess me up for a while, but it passed after my meeting. My old reaction would have been to take off the block, and call him (would have been an excuse, cause he told her how bad he is doing, trying to detox, quack, quack, quack). I didn't. I did nothing!! I saw clearly for the first time how he manipulated me. I kept remembering what you guys said, that he's just looking for his enabler, and yesterday all of your words ran through my mind. It was a fantastic feeling!!!! It felt empowering, and I just knew with all my heart that it had NOTHING to do with love. Could it be the light-bulb just blinked a little??!!!

bookwyrm

Awesome!

Freedom1990

First of all, a HUGE congrats on your 4 years clean and sober, gal!

I relapsed just days after I had celebrated 4 years because once again I was in a sick relationship, and he had already relapsed before me. I like the saying "Let go or be dragged." I hung on and got drug down to a new bottom in my life. It was not worth it.

You just keep doing what you need to do for you, and continue to educate yourself on codependency. Those 12 steps apply in all areas of my life and they can for you too! :ghug2

ElegantlyWasted

Awesome indeed!!!!
"self-centered! Drunk, and he's proud of me, and in his selfishness, thought I would like to get my token from HIM!"

Amazing how some sobriety and work on ourselves makes the above quote appear for what it is.... To me this reeks of self-centered attention seeking and an attempt to control you by pulling the heart strings. Again... Awesome Indeed.... Keep it real.

ElegantlyWasted

Four Years??? I'm jealous. Not!!! You are an inspiration. Humbly on day 37 this time.

harleyd101

Thank you all! Thank you all!! Thank you all! Elegently, please don't give up! I was told if I fell down 7 times, get your butt back up 8 times. I was also told to not count the days, but to make the days count, and in recovery, it's just today. Recovery from anything...substances, people, whatever. Just this 24 hour period. That's how I'm doing this. Just for today I will block that number...just for today I will say (told to me by a lovely lady here) to myself "I love me", just for today I will read something, anything, on co-dependency, just for today I will ask my HP to give me the willingness to let this go. I will put you in my prayers, because I know, today, that there is nothing that God can't do. Hugs!

TakingCharge999

harley what a GREAT piece of news!!

He was drunk (no shock there) and he cried and cried to her.

OK I am freaking out.. an xabf DID THE SAME THING one miserable weekend that I was out of town... my friend told me he said he was an idiot for breaking the heart of the woman that he loved. Right.

You know those are the type of things that drag you down. Why can't they be jerks all the time? why show some humanity. Why act so great at first? WHY?? LOL

So good for you for not engaging at all !!!!! Perhaps he did not even try to call you, I mean, its easier to cry to someone else than to cry infront of the person they hurt and show some remorse.

NC is the best way, there is nothing valuable for us there... never was.

BRAVO!

Jadmack25

. Can't see a blink, looks to me like your lightbulb is burning bright, Harley.

Congrats on your 4 years. It really is a milestone for you, whereas your exABF was only a millstone round your neck.

Well done.

Thumper

Congratulations on the four years!

You showed such strength - very inspirational for the likes of me that is still struggling every day. Thanks for the post.

Mrak

Hi harleyd101,

Thank you for your post. There's a lot I can learn from you.

Congratulations - on everything.

harleyd101

Thank you everyone. My recovery, which I have worked my butt off for, still remains my first priority, but I credit the fact that I am learning and learning from this forum and from all of you. I have gone now to several Al-anon meetings, and I am finding people that know me already, because they have been there. I realized I am not alone. Today was a hard day, but it is day 9 with NC and the phone is still blocked. He has run through all of my friends numbers, and no one will give him information on me, and I have asked the rest of them to keep the phone calls to themselves. The true test for me is always the second week, because my XABF waits a week until I cool off, then puts on the full court press. I feel like posting here and my meetings is my arsenal of ammunition when he does come'a callin. Some days it a minute at a time, and I have been getting glimpses of happiness inside some of those minutes. After hitting bottom with this, I know there is no place left to go but up! Thank you everyone!