Why does he do this??
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 17
Why does he do this??
Okay, I already know the answer to that question, but I guess I just need to vent.
My brother has been out of my home for two weeks. When he left here, he sold some of his belongings and had approx. $150 to his name. Of course, he's broke now, but the fuel pump went out on his car, so he can't drive anywhere (he's staying with friends now).
He called my mom today to ask her if she's put a fuel pump on her credit card so he could fix his car, go look for a job, get away from these people, whatever. She told him no, but that he was welcome to come to their house to stay, follow their house rules and she'd drive him to apply for jobs.
So then he told her he was probably going to shoot himself today.
I don't think he will, obviously, but I feel so sorry for my mom. She lost a son last year to addiction (overdose) and I know she is thinking that she doesn't want to go through anything like that again. And I don't know what to tell her. My brother is so unstable that I wouldn't put it passed him to do something like that.
Why is it that he will move heaven and earth to get his drugs, but when it comes to something IMPORTANT like getting his car fixed, he can't figure out a way to make it happen? Why not borrow money off your friends for a fuel pump rather than borrow money to buy drugs????????
My husband, kids and I are going on a trip this weekend and I'm just so angry at my brother for even putting that thought into my head. I'm probably going to go back to cringing everytime the phone rings because I'm afraid it's someone calling to tell me something happened to my brother.
Thanks for listening. One step forward and two steps back for this co-dependent.
Kristy
My brother has been out of my home for two weeks. When he left here, he sold some of his belongings and had approx. $150 to his name. Of course, he's broke now, but the fuel pump went out on his car, so he can't drive anywhere (he's staying with friends now).
He called my mom today to ask her if she's put a fuel pump on her credit card so he could fix his car, go look for a job, get away from these people, whatever. She told him no, but that he was welcome to come to their house to stay, follow their house rules and she'd drive him to apply for jobs.
So then he told her he was probably going to shoot himself today.
I don't think he will, obviously, but I feel so sorry for my mom. She lost a son last year to addiction (overdose) and I know she is thinking that she doesn't want to go through anything like that again. And I don't know what to tell her. My brother is so unstable that I wouldn't put it passed him to do something like that.
Why is it that he will move heaven and earth to get his drugs, but when it comes to something IMPORTANT like getting his car fixed, he can't figure out a way to make it happen? Why not borrow money off your friends for a fuel pump rather than borrow money to buy drugs????????
My husband, kids and I are going on a trip this weekend and I'm just so angry at my brother for even putting that thought into my head. I'm probably going to go back to cringing everytime the phone rings because I'm afraid it's someone calling to tell me something happened to my brother.
Thanks for listening. One step forward and two steps back for this co-dependent.
Kristy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 17
I've been debating the no contact thing and I'm pretty sure that is going to have to be my next step. I even need to tell my mom to stop telling me about him. Every day it's a new story to deal with.
Thank you for that advice about calling 911! I didn't realize that was a possibility.
I'm so grateful for this board!
Thank you for that advice about calling 911! I didn't realize that was a possibility.
I'm so grateful for this board!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 26
So sorry about what you are going though. I had read your earlier post a while ago, you have done so much for your brother. I agree it is time to step away and stick to some boundaries if only for your own sanity. He will have to reach his own bottom before anything can truly change for the better.
I agree notifying 911 is the best thing to do when he threatens suicide.
Prayers to you and your family.
I agree notifying 911 is the best thing to do when he threatens suicide.
Prayers to you and your family.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 611
I agree with the other posters... call 911 everytime he calls with a threat of suicide. Eventually, he will stop with the threats if he knows that's what you will do. You can never judge if he's bluffing to get your mother to bend or if he's serious. Nonetheless, you and your mother did your part in calling 911 for help.
As far as him calling to get a part fixed on his car to get a job and to get away from "these people" are all excuses to get his next fix. That part will be exchanged and traded in for cash in which he will use to buy his drugs. His main objective is to get high now. He could care less about a job, fixing his car, etc., etc.
I agree... maybe you and your mother should just simply tell him no every time he calls. Does this mean, he will stop calling? Possibly.... but at least you will be at peace from his lies and manipulative ways.
Peace be with you. I know this is rough.
As far as him calling to get a part fixed on his car to get a job and to get away from "these people" are all excuses to get his next fix. That part will be exchanged and traded in for cash in which he will use to buy his drugs. His main objective is to get high now. He could care less about a job, fixing his car, etc., etc.
I agree... maybe you and your mother should just simply tell him no every time he calls. Does this mean, he will stop calling? Possibly.... but at least you will be at peace from his lies and manipulative ways.
Peace be with you. I know this is rough.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
My husband, kids and I are going on a trip this weekend
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 88
Kristy,
Don't feel bad and tell your mother not to. First of all do you know for sure if his fuel pump went? I can't tell you how many times I wired money to my son to get his car "fixed". Only to find out later that he used the money for drugs not the car. He would even pull the can you put it on your card, then he would call back and say they don't take credit cards there and I had no way of knowing so like a fool I just kept sending the money.
My son never threatened to kill himself when he was using but when he is sober he has said I can't tell you how many times I prayed I would not wake up because I hate living like this. That breaks my heart.
Don't feel bad and tell your mother not to. First of all do you know for sure if his fuel pump went? I can't tell you how many times I wired money to my son to get his car "fixed". Only to find out later that he used the money for drugs not the car. He would even pull the can you put it on your card, then he would call back and say they don't take credit cards there and I had no way of knowing so like a fool I just kept sending the money.
My son never threatened to kill himself when he was using but when he is sober he has said I can't tell you how many times I prayed I would not wake up because I hate living like this. That breaks my heart.
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Hope Land
Posts: 666
Kristy,
They play this game to get what they want...it is so sick! My exah played it...the first time I was so scared that he was going to kill himself the game worked on me. I went to an al-anon meeting and said what he told me he was going to do, the whole group just kind of chuckled and nodded their heads....the ole kill myself game.
The next time he tried it I didn't react, then he showed up a few days later, I said oh my what are you doing here! (well lets be honest, I wasn't using kind words with him as "oh my") Thought you were dead, that is what you told me you were doing! He told me to F off. When he was in jail he called and told me he was going to do it again, so I called someone in the jail and told them what he told me....He never played that game again.
Now this is even more sick than playing I am going to kill myself game....my sister has a friend who is an addict/alcholic. She went to her bank and asked them to advance her over draft because her grandaughter was in childeren's hospital dying of cancer and she need the money to travel there. That one has to be one of the worst I have heard yet...Sick Sick Sick!
You just go away and enjoy every moment with your family!
Rose
They play this game to get what they want...it is so sick! My exah played it...the first time I was so scared that he was going to kill himself the game worked on me. I went to an al-anon meeting and said what he told me he was going to do, the whole group just kind of chuckled and nodded their heads....the ole kill myself game.
The next time he tried it I didn't react, then he showed up a few days later, I said oh my what are you doing here! (well lets be honest, I wasn't using kind words with him as "oh my") Thought you were dead, that is what you told me you were doing! He told me to F off. When he was in jail he called and told me he was going to do it again, so I called someone in the jail and told them what he told me....He never played that game again.
Now this is even more sick than playing I am going to kill myself game....my sister has a friend who is an addict/alcholic. She went to her bank and asked them to advance her over draft because her grandaughter was in childeren's hospital dying of cancer and she need the money to travel there. That one has to be one of the worst I have heard yet...Sick Sick Sick!
You just go away and enjoy every moment with your family!
Rose
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: ontario, canada
Posts: 540
Addicts are extrememly manipulative, they will say anything to get what they want. Your mother offered her home and her help. This poor women is still grieving the loss of her son. I agree with the above postings call 911 next time he threatens this. I can not tell you how many times AS has threatened to commit suicide and of course it held me prisoner to his addiction, the stress and worry of loosing him. The last time he said it to me I said " I love you, but if that is the choice you are making there is nothing i can do" he was very angry with that comment, I then told him if he threatened that again I would call 911. I then told him he was not getting the $50.00 he needed. Im sorry you and your family have gone through so much. Whats important is you and your mother take care of yourselves. Your brother must want recovery, this is out of your hands. (((((hugs))))))
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by anvilhead 
you can tell your mom to call 911 and report that he has threatened to harm himself. in fact that is what we SHOULD do whenever a person makes such threats. whether or not a person is SERIOUS about taking their own life is NOT something we want to gamble with...........it is in EVERYONE'S best interest to treat "serious as a heart attack" and call the authorities........
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 17
Thanks for all your comments. My family and I went on the trip and my brother is still alive. My mom hasn't caved in and bought him the part (she's being so strong right now - I am really proud of her!!!).
I had a wonderful time with my husband and kids this weekend! I left my cell phone in the car everywhere we went! When I finally talked to my mom she said that he came out to have a cup of coffee with her yesterday (while my dad is working - he never comes around when my dad is home). He didn't ask her for money, so that's a first. She told him she was calling 911 if he ever threatened to commit suicide again and he apologized and said he was just aggravated at everyone and everything.
I just ordered the Co-Dependent No More book. I have some reading to do.
Thank you again for your comments and your concern. It means so much to me.
Kristy
I had a wonderful time with my husband and kids this weekend! I left my cell phone in the car everywhere we went! When I finally talked to my mom she said that he came out to have a cup of coffee with her yesterday (while my dad is working - he never comes around when my dad is home). He didn't ask her for money, so that's a first. She told him she was calling 911 if he ever threatened to commit suicide again and he apologized and said he was just aggravated at everyone and everything.
I just ordered the Co-Dependent No More book. I have some reading to do.
Thank you again for your comments and your concern. It means so much to me.
Kristy
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
When my addict-son told me he was considering suicide I told him, "Well I don't have any control over that....but if you CHOOSE to do that, I will be heartbroken and sad for a very long time. However, I will not blame myself. I know in my heart that I have done everything in my power to raise you right, gave you all the advantages and opportunities a young man could ask for, and when you got addicted to drugs I got you the best treatment available. My conscience is clear. So if you're just telling me that to manipulate me, then here's a news flash: It won't work. And the next time you say something like that to me, I will call 911." He was absolutely dumbfounded and sat there stunned. Then mumbled something like, "Wow, you don't even care if I kill myself!" I replied, "NO, that's not what I said! I said I have no CONTROL over that but that I would be very sad and heartbroken. Suicide would be YOUR choice...you are the only one responsible for it!"
I was quaking in my boots when I said it, but I didn't cry or waver one bit, and I looked him in the eye. Man, I've never been so afraid in my life.
He's still alive, by the way and living in a sober house.
I was quaking in my boots when I said it, but I didn't cry or waver one bit, and I looked him in the eye. Man, I've never been so afraid in my life.
He's still alive, by the way and living in a sober house.
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Marshall, TX
Posts: 84
So glad you had a good weekend!
Send love to your mom...tell her to continue to hold fast.
I had to replace a fuel pump on my daughter's car when she was using. The entire bill, including the towing was over $600.00. I was onto her by that time, though, and I picked the mechanic, had the car towed myself, and drove her to the shop to pick up the car. I went in and gave the mechanic the check. It was a lot of work, but I knew the money didn't go to drugs.
Keep up the strength and good work!
Send love to your mom...tell her to continue to hold fast.
I had to replace a fuel pump on my daughter's car when she was using. The entire bill, including the towing was over $600.00. I was onto her by that time, though, and I picked the mechanic, had the car towed myself, and drove her to the shop to pick up the car. I went in and gave the mechanic the check. It was a lot of work, but I knew the money didn't go to drugs.
Keep up the strength and good work!
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