Fired and Rejected...
On a tear
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Fired and Rejected...
FIRED -
Yep... fired. Got let go from my job. Man, that was a surprise.
The boss called me in to her office - the lunchroom, actually - and said. You have client names in files ALL OVER YOUR COMPUTER!! (the woman is a screamer).
I told her I really didn't know what she was talking about - I used pretyped forms for everything (mostly fax cover sheets) and replace NAME with John Doe, print the document and then don't save... so there shouldn't be any files with a client name in them on the computer.
This made her exceptionally angry, and she shouted - "You have emails from drug court on your computer!!!!". Oh!!! Emails. I didn't even think about emails. We file them into subfolders in Outlook and always have. I didn't even think of them as being "files" because they are somewhat difficult to copy onto a removeable media.
Yes, I told her, I do. AND, she continued to yell, YOU responded to at least one of those emails each month since April, and don't tell me you didn't because I printed them off and they are in your file!!
Yep, I acknowledge, I sure did.
She sat back, smugly and said, "Today is your last day. I told you not to include client information in the email because it is not secure, and you disobeyed a direct order."
Yep, I did. There was no argument for that. I would do it again. The drug court manager always said that the contract had all of us as a team (me, the counselor and the treatment center) and she expected us to communicate information regarding the clients with her. Because of the office configuration, I would sometimes find it more confidential to respond to an email rather than call her with other clients milling around outside my receptionist window... it was more confidential for everyone.
Sigh. But I don't think that was the real reason. I think she just found something she could use, because I've felt this coming for a while. I am a 53 year old woman with lots of life experience, 5 years in recover and a lot of empathy for recovering addicts. They tended to like me, and wanted to come to ME sometimes with their issues. With permission of the lead counselor, I would speak to them always with the caveat that I was sharing their information with the team. They generally didn't mind that part, they just didn't want to feel the way the BOSS makes everyone feel.... less than and minimized.
The lead counselor even let me start leading groups, after I got my initial registered counselor license, and under his supervision. Initially, the BOSS was ok with this... but then, to be honest, I think what happened was that the clients enjoyed it too much. I am a good public speaker, humorous and have a knack for connecting with folks in a group. I think she got jealous. Crap. I didn't know what to do about that, so I didn't do anything.
What I know about the BOSS is she is the result of a horribly abusive childhood, she was the family HERO, she is an untreated (dry) alcoholic and a vicious, untreated Alanon. She doesn't get (after 26 years of working in this business) the spiritual nature of addiction - she absolutely believes that a treatment center can "cure" addiction. (?!?!!) She even argued with me about what Alanon is (which she has never attended) and flat out told me I was wrong about Overeaters Anonymous - which I contend is far closer to AA than to Alanon.... using abstinence from particular trigger foods as part of the program.
Gad.
REJECTED -
Anyway, out on my butt and looking for work. But here is the rejected part....
I met yesterday with my sponsor of five years. We had not talked in a few months because when I tried to talk to her about BOSS, it turned out sponsor had been to her for personal counseling and could not/would not listen to me when I needed to try to understand where BOSS was coming from. So I stopped calling her.
So... yesterday we had coffee, I finally told her how I started not feeling good after every conversation with her... that she was demanding two meetings a week AND three step study sessions per month and that with 2 toddler grand babies at home, I was not willing to take that time away from the family. She suggested that a friend of hers had gotten baby sitters and attended five nights a week when he was in crisis. I suggested to her he was not a very good dad. Those kids were in day care all day and their mom was lost to addiction and he was dropping them with strangers five nights per week? No. That does NOT fit my value system.
She stuck to her principals, which I have always admired, btw, but we agreed that we are not together on what I need to do and how I need to do it.
MY PART -
I never let her know, in a timely way, about how I felt after phone calls with her... like I wasn't good enough, that I didn't do good recovery because of my lack of extra meetings, that I was making mountains out of molehills in my dealings with BOSS. I didn't respond to her invitation to a new step study because it included a caveat "this will not replace your regular meetings". But I resented the hell out of it - because step studies ARE recovery. But I never TOLD her that her deciding what my recovery MUST look like pushed all those childhood buttons, so how could we work it out if I kept everything under my hat?
GOING FORWARD -
So. Needing to get to some meetings to find a new sponsor - I've got a temp sponsor in mind, and may approach HER sponsor.
I can still do step work like the study she suggested - The Artists Way (look it up on Amazon for more info).
I can get to some conferences... one. Maybe.
And I can make my recovery more of a priority. And I can remember there are no coincidences. I left that job with one hour notice because HP NEEDS me to be somewhere else right now. I lost a sponsor because I need a different teacher for whatever is coming next.
And I need to come in here and drop this off and make sense of it, because the last few weeks have been... weird...crazy... unpredictable and off-kilter. I need to feel centered, loved and ok with who I am.
Loving hugs to each of you who took time to read this enormous saga... know that reading it and thinking of me, you are sending positive energy my way, and that it is appreciated.
D
Yep... fired. Got let go from my job. Man, that was a surprise.
The boss called me in to her office - the lunchroom, actually - and said. You have client names in files ALL OVER YOUR COMPUTER!! (the woman is a screamer).
I told her I really didn't know what she was talking about - I used pretyped forms for everything (mostly fax cover sheets) and replace NAME with John Doe, print the document and then don't save... so there shouldn't be any files with a client name in them on the computer.
This made her exceptionally angry, and she shouted - "You have emails from drug court on your computer!!!!". Oh!!! Emails. I didn't even think about emails. We file them into subfolders in Outlook and always have. I didn't even think of them as being "files" because they are somewhat difficult to copy onto a removeable media.
Yes, I told her, I do. AND, she continued to yell, YOU responded to at least one of those emails each month since April, and don't tell me you didn't because I printed them off and they are in your file!!
Yep, I acknowledge, I sure did.
She sat back, smugly and said, "Today is your last day. I told you not to include client information in the email because it is not secure, and you disobeyed a direct order."
Yep, I did. There was no argument for that. I would do it again. The drug court manager always said that the contract had all of us as a team (me, the counselor and the treatment center) and she expected us to communicate information regarding the clients with her. Because of the office configuration, I would sometimes find it more confidential to respond to an email rather than call her with other clients milling around outside my receptionist window... it was more confidential for everyone.
Sigh. But I don't think that was the real reason. I think she just found something she could use, because I've felt this coming for a while. I am a 53 year old woman with lots of life experience, 5 years in recover and a lot of empathy for recovering addicts. They tended to like me, and wanted to come to ME sometimes with their issues. With permission of the lead counselor, I would speak to them always with the caveat that I was sharing their information with the team. They generally didn't mind that part, they just didn't want to feel the way the BOSS makes everyone feel.... less than and minimized.
The lead counselor even let me start leading groups, after I got my initial registered counselor license, and under his supervision. Initially, the BOSS was ok with this... but then, to be honest, I think what happened was that the clients enjoyed it too much. I am a good public speaker, humorous and have a knack for connecting with folks in a group. I think she got jealous. Crap. I didn't know what to do about that, so I didn't do anything.
What I know about the BOSS is she is the result of a horribly abusive childhood, she was the family HERO, she is an untreated (dry) alcoholic and a vicious, untreated Alanon. She doesn't get (after 26 years of working in this business) the spiritual nature of addiction - she absolutely believes that a treatment center can "cure" addiction. (?!?!!) She even argued with me about what Alanon is (which she has never attended) and flat out told me I was wrong about Overeaters Anonymous - which I contend is far closer to AA than to Alanon.... using abstinence from particular trigger foods as part of the program.
Gad.
REJECTED -
Anyway, out on my butt and looking for work. But here is the rejected part....
I met yesterday with my sponsor of five years. We had not talked in a few months because when I tried to talk to her about BOSS, it turned out sponsor had been to her for personal counseling and could not/would not listen to me when I needed to try to understand where BOSS was coming from. So I stopped calling her.
So... yesterday we had coffee, I finally told her how I started not feeling good after every conversation with her... that she was demanding two meetings a week AND three step study sessions per month and that with 2 toddler grand babies at home, I was not willing to take that time away from the family. She suggested that a friend of hers had gotten baby sitters and attended five nights a week when he was in crisis. I suggested to her he was not a very good dad. Those kids were in day care all day and their mom was lost to addiction and he was dropping them with strangers five nights per week? No. That does NOT fit my value system.
She stuck to her principals, which I have always admired, btw, but we agreed that we are not together on what I need to do and how I need to do it.
MY PART -
I never let her know, in a timely way, about how I felt after phone calls with her... like I wasn't good enough, that I didn't do good recovery because of my lack of extra meetings, that I was making mountains out of molehills in my dealings with BOSS. I didn't respond to her invitation to a new step study because it included a caveat "this will not replace your regular meetings". But I resented the hell out of it - because step studies ARE recovery. But I never TOLD her that her deciding what my recovery MUST look like pushed all those childhood buttons, so how could we work it out if I kept everything under my hat?
GOING FORWARD -
So. Needing to get to some meetings to find a new sponsor - I've got a temp sponsor in mind, and may approach HER sponsor.
I can still do step work like the study she suggested - The Artists Way (look it up on Amazon for more info).
I can get to some conferences... one. Maybe.
And I can make my recovery more of a priority. And I can remember there are no coincidences. I left that job with one hour notice because HP NEEDS me to be somewhere else right now. I lost a sponsor because I need a different teacher for whatever is coming next.
And I need to come in here and drop this off and make sense of it, because the last few weeks have been... weird...crazy... unpredictable and off-kilter. I need to feel centered, loved and ok with who I am.
Loving hugs to each of you who took time to read this enormous saga... know that reading it and thinking of me, you are sending positive energy my way, and that it is appreciated.
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
Lots of positive energy coming your way Big Sis. I have wondered where you have been lately. Now I know you have had your plate full....I don't respond as much as I need to also. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you journey towards the next part of your life. Isn't it amazing?? Life just doesn't stay the same for too long. Its a shme you lost your job but it sure does sound like your boss has some issues. She certainly isn't thinking of the clients you help and that need you. She wants to look good and not give you credit were it does belong. Good luck in your journey and big hugs, Bonnie
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
BigSis, I KNOW you, I mean really know you and I know there is nothing you're not sharing here. That said, a pox on them for being jerks, and yay for you for seeing this for what it is and not beating yourself up.
I'd fire a sponsor like yours in a heartbeat and know it was simply a difference of recovery approaches. Recovery is something we live every day and not something we sacrifice our lives for.
And as for your boss, again I KNOW you and I also have worked a couple of years in a rehab and have done exactly what you did and been praised for it, so pooey hooey to her too. (Hope you like my recovery-like phrasing).
My thoughts are twofold...one, you are lucky to be rid of both these people in your lives. Who needs people with "issues" when they throw those issues at us. And two, I see your HP working in your life preparing you for something special that needs your special recovery touch. Trust that, it's how life works for us folk who trust the process.
So big hugs to you, the world is a better place because of people like you. And your world is just heading into a new chapter as the adventure continues.
Big hugs to the boys too, I'm guessing their growing big and healthy with all the love they get from you. Lucky kids, they are.
Big Hugs to BigSis
I'd fire a sponsor like yours in a heartbeat and know it was simply a difference of recovery approaches. Recovery is something we live every day and not something we sacrifice our lives for.
And as for your boss, again I KNOW you and I also have worked a couple of years in a rehab and have done exactly what you did and been praised for it, so pooey hooey to her too. (Hope you like my recovery-like phrasing).
My thoughts are twofold...one, you are lucky to be rid of both these people in your lives. Who needs people with "issues" when they throw those issues at us. And two, I see your HP working in your life preparing you for something special that needs your special recovery touch. Trust that, it's how life works for us folk who trust the process.
So big hugs to you, the world is a better place because of people like you. And your world is just heading into a new chapter as the adventure continues.
Big hugs to the boys too, I'm guessing their growing big and healthy with all the love they get from you. Lucky kids, they are.
Big Hugs to BigSis
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Originally Posted by Ann 
BigSis, I KNOW you, I mean really know you and I know there is nothing you're not sharing here. That said, a pox on them for being jerks, and yay for you for seeing this for what it is and not beating yourself up.
I'd fire a sponsor like yours in a heartbeat and know it was simply a difference of recovery approaches. Recovery is something we live every day and not something we sacrifice our lives for.
And as for your boss, again I KNOW you and I also have worked a couple of years in a rehab and have done exactly what you did and been praised for it, so pooey hooey to her too. (Hope you like my recovery-like phrasing)
I'd fire a sponsor like yours in a heartbeat and know it was simply a difference of recovery approaches. Recovery is something we live every day and not something we sacrifice our lives for.
And as for your boss, again I KNOW you and I also have worked a couple of years in a rehab and have done exactly what you did and been praised for it, so pooey hooey to her too. (Hope you like my recovery-like phrasing)
I know something better, and someone who can appreciate all you have to offer is right around the corner.
I di believe that good things happen to good people (eventually
)You're good people Sis
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
D,
Again with the pooey hooey. Like Ann, I know you and I know where you come from. Your recovery is a shining one, and you work a good program, and you have worked it for a good long time. That doesn't mean you go to 5 or 10 meetings a week, it means you know when you need a meeting, you go when you can, and you have good balance in your life. When things get out of balance, you dip into your tool box and grab something that might work. Obviously, you've outgrown this sponsor and your HP is preparing the next one for you right now. Same with the job. It sounds like it was a bit toxic, and I bet there will come a time when you can see the benefits you gained and the lessons you learned there, so you'll be even better prepared for whatever it is that HP has in store.
I am sure it feels nasty and icky and frustrating. Let yourself feel those feelings, but don't sit in them too long.
Sending prayers up for you and your guys too.
Again with the pooey hooey. Like Ann, I know you and I know where you come from. Your recovery is a shining one, and you work a good program, and you have worked it for a good long time. That doesn't mean you go to 5 or 10 meetings a week, it means you know when you need a meeting, you go when you can, and you have good balance in your life. When things get out of balance, you dip into your tool box and grab something that might work. Obviously, you've outgrown this sponsor and your HP is preparing the next one for you right now. Same with the job. It sounds like it was a bit toxic, and I bet there will come a time when you can see the benefits you gained and the lessons you learned there, so you'll be even better prepared for whatever it is that HP has in store.
I am sure it feels nasty and icky and frustrating. Let yourself feel those feelings, but don't sit in them too long.
Sending prayers up for you and your guys too.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
(((((Big Sis)))))
First, head for the Unemployment Office and get your claim in, lol Second, look on it as a blessing that you don't have to work with that toxic person any more. She probably was jealous. Her problems not yours.
Third, I would have 'fired' that sponsor a long time ago. Fourth, I think you are doing pretty damn good with both your programs, so ............................. do what you think is best for you, on your time frame, without, if possible taking too much time from the grand babies.
You know we are walking with you in spirit!
Love and hugs,
First, head for the Unemployment Office and get your claim in, lol Second, look on it as a blessing that you don't have to work with that toxic person any more. She probably was jealous. Her problems not yours.
Third, I would have 'fired' that sponsor a long time ago. Fourth, I think you are doing pretty damn good with both your programs, so ............................. do what you think is best for you, on your time frame, without, if possible taking too much time from the grand babies.
You know we are walking with you in spirit!
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
(((BigSis))) I know you have to be good at your job.... I always read your responses... you always have good sound experience hope strength in your postings. I agree, no coincidence here, your HP is closing the doors at your job and sponsor because he has something greater in mind for you. Keep the faith!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 456
What type of work were you doing?
Just an FYI in regards to emails. Although you were humble enough to admit you were wrong, and I admire you for that... should you ever accidently do that again:
Go to your Outlook sent box, highlight and click
SHIFT+DELETE at the same time. This will permanently delete your email.
Just an FYI in regards to emails. Although you were humble enough to admit you were wrong, and I admire you for that... should you ever accidently do that again:
Go to your Outlook sent box, highlight and click
SHIFT+DELETE at the same time. This will permanently delete your email.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 168
I am sorry BigSis! However, it sounds like you have your head on strait and you know that you did nothing wrong to deserve losing your job. And I must say-WOW- your crazy boss has issues of her own to deal with!! I think she was just jealous of your mad skills!
I always try to remind myself that when something happens that I didn't plan or prepare for it must have happened for a reason. Maybe something better is coming along...our HP's just have something else or their mind I guess...
I am sure you will soon find a better job and a new sponsor that fits well with your recovery!
HUGS,
Daisy
I always try to remind myself that when something happens that I didn't plan or prepare for it must have happened for a reason. Maybe something better is coming along...our HP's just have something else or their mind I guess...
I am sure you will soon find a better job and a new sponsor that fits well with your recovery!
HUGS,
Daisy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Hiya Sis....you're on your way to bigger and better things. I know that there are many people who should know better that just aren't able to see what good recovery looks like in real life...too bad for them.
You are one of those people who works an honest, effective program and I admire you for that.
My prayers are for a smooth transition into whatever the next phase of your life brings about.
You are one of those people who works an honest, effective program and I admire you for that.
My prayers are for a smooth transition into whatever the next phase of your life brings about.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
i'm sorry big sis and i do agree with all the others. god has a perfect plan for you, one greater than you can even think or imagine. i think maybe your assignment there and with the sponsor was finished so now you are getting divinely promoted. i wish you better days and will keep you in my prayers.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 472
HUGS. Pooh on the boss and sponsor. A hex on them! I just imagine the boss is going to have a hard time explaining to others why you are missing.
Many yrs. ago I lost a job, 3 kids to raise. Told a boss I thought he was wrong in a meeting-he called to prove he was right-duh-he was wrong. He told me to get out-I was fired. One week later I had a new job and making twice as much money!
Better things are most certainly headed your way.
Many yrs. ago I lost a job, 3 kids to raise. Told a boss I thought he was wrong in a meeting-he called to prove he was right-duh-he was wrong. He told me to get out-I was fired. One week later I had a new job and making twice as much money!
Better things are most certainly headed your way.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 177
Sorry to hear about the loss of your job. Sounds like your boss was looking for an excuse to fire you. If she is an A, she felt inferior to you, so naturally she had to yell and degrade you to boost her self-esteem. Wishing you good things around the corner.
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