MsPINKAcres

5 years ago today - I walked into my first Al-Anon meeting.

Scared, unsure of why I was going and how in the world could this thing called Al-Anon help me.

I just knew that at that time in my life, I was separated from my husband, he was 6 months sober and I was still miserable, angry and wanting something to change IN ME.

So many of you know my story, but for those of you who don't - I'll give you a little clip of what has happened since that day. . . .

I continued going to those meetings, reading the literature, embraced the Slogans, found a sponsor, working the Steps, Found a God of my understanding that is my VERY best Friend and also found a family in recovery in my f2f meeting and here on SR. All of these things saved me and introduced me to a thing called SANITY.

My husband and I reconciled. I do believe that for a yr or so - we did have a semi- healthy, recovery marriage. It was a work in progress and life was peaceful.

But the disease of alcoholism and addiction is cunning, baffling and powerful - shortly after Hurricane Rita - he relapsed and stayed in denial about that relapse. And by my God's Grace and with the help of my recovery family - I didn't have to relapse with him.

I used all the tools of the program - learned to stay true to my boundaries and take care of myself - while living with active addiction.

I prayed for my God to allow me to be able to have the peace to walk away - that answer didn't come right away. Finally in November 2008, I felt my God say "You no longer have to live this way, it's time."

If you have kept up with my "saga", you know there have been lots of horrible things since I walked away - the court dates, garnishments for his bills, bankruptcy, loss of my home, vicious rumors he keeps spreading about me, blah, blah, blah - quack, quack, quack -

It's close to a year we have been separated and still no divorce (Louisiana only takes 6 months), another court date on the 14th of this month for his suit for spousal support, and this week he has decided to text our daughters with horrible comments about me and our situation and text me - trying to "make deals" about things. Not calling him the devil - but I know that I can't make a "deal with the devil" - you have an agreement with someone who isn't trustworthy.

Without 5 yrs of recovery under my belt, a God of my understanding, the support of my recovery family - I would NOT be able to make it thru all of this.

So I know my life has actually gotten a lot worse on the outside since I walked into my first meeting 5 yrs ago.

BUT MY FRIENDS - if you could feel what I feel on the inside - my chest is relaxed - my stomach doesn't have that knot - my heart actually has that thing we lost - HOPE.

It doesn't matter if my ex never leaves me alone - if he continues to do this for the rest of my life - HE WILL NOT STEAL MY JOY EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!

This disease has lost it's power over me!!

I AM HAPPY, JOYOUS AND FREE

I have a good life today - no matter what happens in court, no matter what text messages come across my phone, no matter if I am homeless living in a cardboard box on the side of the road -

My ex and this disease cannot steal what peace, joy and love that this program and the God of my understanding has restored in my soul!

Me and my God are OK - even Better than OK!!

So Happy Recovery Birthday to ME!!!

I am and will always be grateful.

Thanks to each of you for helping me along this journey - it has not been an easy road - but it has been very worth it -

I wouldn't have missed it for the world - for it has given me something priceless - ME!!!!!!!!

HUGS (hope, unity, gratitude and serenity)
Rita

rayofsunshine

(((HUGS))) to you Rita. I feel the HUGS (hope, unity, gratitude and serenity) in
your post. Thank you for spreading how we can find and keep joy in our lives no matter what happens.

Ann

Rita, I can see your light and feel your joy all the way up here in Canada.

Like you, I had to walk through the flames of pain before I found my better path but I too feel the joy in my heart every single day. Life is meant to be lived well, and before I am done my days here I hope to wring every ounce of goodness out of each day.

Congratulation on 5 years, what an amazing gift recovery is to each of us and it doesn't cost one penny.

Thank you for sharing your recovery with me and all of us. It's stories like yours that brings hope to the newcomer and gratitude to oldtimers like me.

catlovermi

Awesome post, thanks!

CLMI

wuzzled

Ah, the gifts of Al-anon, this must be why we celebrate birthdays. Each year, we realize all the gifts we have received! :day

I celebrated my 1 year birthday just last week. Looking forward to the many gifts serenity has to offer.

Thanks for sharing your ESH.

JMFburns

Rita,

I always L O V E your posts and this one is SUPER great. Congratulations to you and thank you for being a shining example of walking-the-walk and talking-the-talk. I know it isn't always easy but you keep working on yourself and encourage me to do the same by your example.

As always GREAT picture! Thanks for being you.

aasharon90

Happy Joyous Free.

3 awesome words. But
to feel and live them.

I do know the feeling Rita
and what a joy.


Having willingness,
open-mindedness and
honesty in all our
affairs can reward
us with that FREEDOM
we are looking for and
experiencing in our lives.

The road of recovery,
what a joy to travel.

BigSis

Rita... we are both about the same age in program, and I came in here today seeking something. I found it in the first post I read... yours. Thank you for reminding me how much I have changed over the past years, and how that change allows me to float on top of the "stuff" that continues to rain down.

12-step is a powerful program, and it saved my life back then. Today, it makes my life so much better.

(((hugs))))

justanothrdrunk

Happy Birthday, Sis!

liesagain

:day1