FreeingMyself

I've been reading the daily reflections book from alanon and also Codependent No More, and also have recently seperated from my AH. Let me just say, that between the 3 of these, I have been able to take the blinders off....and see what is for what it is. One of my big things in the past has been to make my reality what I wanted it to be....pretending that things weren't what they were, or as bad as they were. BUt, I realized that it is/was that bad....and that I had more than enough reality to see that. Besides just drinking, the reality of the controlling, jealous, and mean man that I am married to hit me today. But, this gave me a sense of freedom - when he tried to get under my skin today, I was able to simply tell him that the things he were saying were in his head...not the truth. He wasn't able to make me mad, because I did not give him that ability anymore. When he stopped by to see our daughter, he was the same angry depressed man he has been - nothing new, no trying to make it better ---but I HAVE changed! I remember someone on here several times asking "what are you going to do with your this wild and precious life?" or something like that....and I realized 1 life, 1 chance.......I have taken that to heart...now trying to decide in my real "reality" what to do....I feel relieved finally, and closer to being at peace than I have in a long time!

harleyd101

It is so hard to see things for what they really are, so congratulations on your "taking the blinders off". I lived in denial for so long, and I think our minds does that as some sort of protection mechanism. I think if I had been hit with reality all at once, I would have had a melt-down. I know for me, when the pain got to great, it sort of broke through the denial. I always go back to "if nothing changes, then nothing changes", and I used to think it was my ex-ABF that had to change. What I now realize is that the changing is up to me. If I keep doing what I've done, I will keep getting what I've always got. My new motto is "if you want something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done". I am so glad you feel relieved. Waves of emotion sweep over me every day, and I'm just riding them out. I go from relief, to grief, to happy, to anxious, to fearfull.....they all pass. I look forward to the day I get some balance in my life. I'm so glad you didn't feel the need to re-act. That is monumental!!!! The only thing I can do is to stay away, no contact what-so-ever!!! Not my problem, not my business!!! Hey, maybe THAT's my new motto!!!! LOL!!!!

Pelican

It's much easier to see your bright future when you take the blinders off, right?

Your progress is showing! Looks good too!

ItsmeAlice

It is amazing to me how revelations hit. Just like that it pops into your head and it all seems so clear and simple. Why couldn't it make sense before?? I sometimes think it's like having that wrong language setting on your TV. You're watching a show and trying to understand what's going on and can't for the life of you figure it all out. Folks keep telling you what's going on, but for you, it's all muddy and nonsensical. And then...the setting changes and it all becomes intelligible again. You have no clue what has happened and what change has occurred, but the relief in understanding what's going on around you is profound.

So proud of you and the changes you've gone through. Do you see how wondrous you are? Do you see how you have the power to make your own happiness in life? You've had this power all this time, and now you've been unleashed to use it! BRAVO!!!

Now get out there and get to that life you've had on hold!!

Alice

Cynay

I love to hear things like that.....Denial is hard to get though but I think it serves a purpose. There have been "many" breakthroughs in my life and major revelations.... but I would not have known what to do with them till I was ready to receive them.... And some of them would have torn me apart till I did the work necessary to be in a place to accept what I was being given.... so dont be too hard on yourself for not seeing things sooner.

Its your willingness to change, to take a look outside of yourself and want more for you and your daughter that does it.... congrads to you for being willing and the best part ... if you keep working your program, working on you..... It gets even better and better as the years go by.

worthyoflove

All these years I have thought I was the crazy and stupid one. They will stop at nothing to sabotage you, your life, your dreams. We create illusions because it is safer to our minds, then to see the horrible reality that we are living in. I'm tired of being physically and verbally abused when I place boundaries. They hate themselves, so they want to make sure you go down with them. Breaking through that denial is sooooo hard.

TakingCharge999

Worthy of love that's so true, if someone else is miserable too, then they do not feel alone. I wonder why I thought love had anything to do with that.

Getting out from that denial is daily work... I wish it was instantaneous, like soup...

Congrats on moving forward!

bookwyrm

But instant soup tastes terrible next to home made soup!! Home made soup requires so much preparation from using a slow cooked stock to chopping and peeling but is so worth the extra effort that you'll wonder why you put up with instant for so long!!

Did I take that analogy too far? Maybe...

Jadmack25

Harley....WOW!!!

Quote: My new motto is "if you want something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done".

I love this. Can I use this please, pretty please?

God bless

harleyd101

Absolutely!!! I keep that one right up front in my brain!!! Cause we all know, if nothing changes.....nothing changes!!!

Have a blessed day!!!