2hurt2trust

When is enough enough? My fiance has been out of rehab for 2 years. He can't seem to keep a job and simply enjoys sleeping all day on the sofa. He doesn't seem to care if the bills get paid and is comfortable with being lazy. I think this may be a sign he is still using. I can't imagine someone CHOOSING to do NOTHING with themselves and then blame others for their lack being a clear thinking person. I have told him I am done with this blood sucking relationship, but I need to know where I can get detoxed from being with an addict for 4 years. I have a hard time with trust as far as he is concerned. I hate to look at him sometimes and everytime his lips move I think he is lying. Where can I get help?

Ann

Welcome, I'm sorry about your fiance but glad you found us.

What has helped many of us here are meetings of Ala-Anon, Nar-Anon or CoDA, three similar fellowships for people whose lives have gone out of control because of addiction.

Make yourself comfortable and take a read around. Others will be along to welcome you also.

Hugs

BBD

Hi 2hurt2trust, Sounds like you have some work ahead of you but believe me its easier than you think....Please get yourself to a councelor that deals with drugs. This helped me realize how codependant I was with my son and made me realize I was hurting more than helping. You could also pick up some AA meetings in your area.....they will help alot. And, you can stick around here and read everything you can get your eyes on. Welcome and be strong, Bonnie

leelee5675

Sorry you are in this relationship that is dragging you down so. But glad you are here and wanting help.

Suggestions from both prior posters are excellent. 12 step meetings and counseling, and of course reading everything you can get your hands on. There's tons of good information here in the way of advice and wisdom from other members. Also tons in the "stickies" at the top of the forum.

Your fiance sounds just like my 32-year-old daughter before I removed her from my home and she sought help. She was using meth, but kept me "thrown off" by the fact that she could take her daughter to daycare then come home and sleep all day. I used to scratch my head and say, "How could she sleep this much and be using speed? I thought that stuff kept you awake for days and made you hyper."

She would not attempt to do anything with her life until I would confront her. Since she was living with me and I was supporting her entirely financially (as well as her child), she would feel obligated to do something if I complained. But it never worked out for long...then she'd be back on the sofa asleep all day.

Thought that tidbit of information might help confirm your suspicions a bit since it was such a good description match.

Good luck and now is the time to start taking care of YOU for a change...you deserve it.

teke

hi, welcome, glad you found us. i agree with the advice above. there is a lot of experience and wisdom here so keep reading and post as much as you like. we are all here to help each other. i've been told to listen to my gut feeling, its usually right on. sorry about your bf and i'll keep you guys in my prayers

outtolunch

You can't dictate his behavior or choices....just your own.

Is his behavior/choices acceptable to you, going forward?

2hurt2trust

I know I was a huge part of the problem as I was an enabler. Being an enabler is a thankless, troublesome, anger filled job and I CHOOSE not to do that job. When dealing with loved ones and THEIR addictions the best things we can do is pray and love them. We can't change them, make them do better, or make them realize they are worth a change. So, I resolve to do the most powerful thing I know to do and that's pray. I have chosen to move out the way and allow God to do what he does best when we allow him to.

2hurt2trust

Thanks to everyone who responded. I had a long convo with my now former fiance & we have agreed there has been too much hurt, pain, and lies to repair our relationship. I read somewhere that sometimes when you r n a relationship with an addict and they begin active recovery the relationship sometimes ends because the pain and hurt are too great 2 bounce back from. I agree. So, while the breakup is bittersweet I for the first time in 4 years can exhale in this area of my life.