Same story, just different characters
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Boise, Idaho
Posts: 11
Same story, just different characters
I am new to SR ....as I have spent the past few days reading over the different posts I have come to realize that my life is playing out in homes, relationships and families everywhere.
The specific details of my situation are not important, what is important is I too have been involved with an addict for too many years. The ups and downs of his addiction have taken us through h**l and back. I have enabled him in more ways than I was ever aware of and take responsibility for that, but have found sanity in knowing that his addiction is a classic case in all respects.
Though he has been sober for 3 years, he has not been active in his recovery for about 3 months and it is taking its toll. He is moving out this week because I am controlling, nagging, judgemental and unwilling to give him his space (according to him).
If it were only him, I would gladly say good-luck. I am tired physically and emotionally from this rollercoaster ride. But HE has a 2-year-old daughter that I have raised as my own since she was a baby and he is taking her with him. I am heartbroken for her. I am heartbroken for me.
As of today, he has said that he wants her to continue coming to my in-home daycare when he is at work. Of course, depending on his frame of mind that could change at any moment. So, I am cherishing every minute with her and trying to keep her little life as normal as possible during this process.
For those of you that are in the beginning stages of a relationship with an addict, please take the advice given here. Your relationship isn't different or special, it is just like every other relationship with an addict. You will suffer on many levels, but it is the children who suffer the most.
The specific details of my situation are not important, what is important is I too have been involved with an addict for too many years. The ups and downs of his addiction have taken us through h**l and back. I have enabled him in more ways than I was ever aware of and take responsibility for that, but have found sanity in knowing that his addiction is a classic case in all respects.
Though he has been sober for 3 years, he has not been active in his recovery for about 3 months and it is taking its toll. He is moving out this week because I am controlling, nagging, judgemental and unwilling to give him his space (according to him).
If it were only him, I would gladly say good-luck. I am tired physically and emotionally from this rollercoaster ride. But HE has a 2-year-old daughter that I have raised as my own since she was a baby and he is taking her with him. I am heartbroken for her. I am heartbroken for me.
As of today, he has said that he wants her to continue coming to my in-home daycare when he is at work. Of course, depending on his frame of mind that could change at any moment. So, I am cherishing every minute with her and trying to keep her little life as normal as possible during this process.
For those of you that are in the beginning stages of a relationship with an addict, please take the advice given here. Your relationship isn't different or special, it is just like every other relationship with an addict. You will suffer on many levels, but it is the children who suffer the most.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
Hi GGGL, welcome to SR! Sorry for what you're going through, but you've found
a good site with lots of information and support. Be sure to read the sticky posts
at the top of the forum. Sometimes, we, the loved ones of an addict can get just
as sick as them... as their addiction is spiralling out of control, we try to control what we can to be "normal". ... the controlling behaviors could be a sign of co-dependency.
(There's more about this in the sticky posts.) Keep reading and posting.. you can get stronger and find peace and joy ..... put the focus on YOU and what you want.
a good site with lots of information and support. Be sure to read the sticky posts
at the top of the forum. Sometimes, we, the loved ones of an addict can get just
as sick as them... as their addiction is spiralling out of control, we try to control what we can to be "normal". ... the controlling behaviors could be a sign of co-dependency.
(There's more about this in the sticky posts.) Keep reading and posting.. you can get stronger and find peace and joy ..... put the focus on YOU and what you want.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
hi gggl, welcome. glad you found us but sorry about your troubles. i agree with ray, there is nothing you can do to help him, he has to help himself. focus more on you.your life can get better even if he decides not to. i will keep you, your addict and his daughter in my prayers.
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