OddSpot80

I'm sure this question has been asked before but...

I kind of fell off the face of the earth for about 5 years, especially the last 2. Just did the bare minimum to survive. I'm crawling my way back now and trying to take better care of my relationships and obligations.

I work full time, Mon-Fri then every evening I'm one of a few instructors of a 2 hour class. I don't make it every night. I still screw up sometimes. So my day starts at 8am and, if I make it to class, I don't get home until after 9pm.

Also, the people in my life have noticed my reappearance (some know about the drinking, some don't) and have been paying me more attention: asking me for help with something or asking to visit, things like that. All positive but still very draining right now. It feels like they are all in rotation. Everytime I think I've everyone taken care of it starts all over again.

The kicker is, when I'm finally home, alone, at the end of the day, I don't know what to do with myself. Something all of you can sympathize with, I'm sure. I'm too tired to do anything ambitious but I still need to end my day somehow. I need to shut my brain up and unload all the stuff I've absorbed during the day. I'm sure this will get easier once I manage to accumulate more than 2 days sobriety but right now it's one of my biggest obstacles.

I know that to make a change I have to have a plan so I'm thinking of making Wed or Thurs my AA night instead of going to class. So that's a step in the right direction but, until I get over this hump, I'm still not sure how to fill the gap sobriety has created at the end of my day.

What do/did you do?

And, as always, thank you for reading

Astro

You have a gap at the end of your day? Will you share?

OK seriously though, I had a gap like that in early sobriety but it's because I wasn't really participating in recovery or AA. I'd go to meetings, then I'd race home and stare at the ceiling until the next day rolled around.

For the last 4 years I've had such a full life that sometimes I wish for a few dull and relaxing days to unwind. But I've become "a part of" AA and recovery rather than "apart from". I enjoy the nightly meetings, service work, coffee shop talk, BBQ's and dinners with others in recovery, etc. And when I'm not doing recovery, I've got plenty of old and new hobbies that I have fun with.

Exhausting sometimes? Yes. Rewarding and fulfilling? Most definitely!

jamdls

I ate chocolate, specifically M&Ms tons of them. M&Ms saved my life!

OddSpot80

Thank you so much for your advice, Astro.
I get home too late to go to a meeting. That's why I was going to skip a class on Wed or Thurs. And I know, over time, I'll find the time I usually spend drinking when I get home at 9:30 will easily fill up. I was just wondering if there was something anyone did that helped them get over the first week.

Lol! Chocolate huh? I don't think I would be able to with out balooning

Reese321

I think a hobby would be a good idea Oddspot. Is there anything you used to like doing before? Model airplanes? Writing? Exercise? Sports? Hobbies kind of let you concentrate on you and your likes. Some people aren't "hobby people," like myself.

It also seems like you entertain people for the sake of the entertaining them. Are you enjoying these interactions? Or does it just feel like they want something from you? Does it feel like a chore?

OddSpot80

Hey Reese,
The class I instruct is kind of my hobby and it involves exercise so that helps.
I definitely enjoy a majority of the interaction but it is draining. When I'm tired and I have to make the decision whether to say no or go ahead with whatever they are asking of me then, yes, I feel like I'm entertaining them, like it's a chore. But I think that's pretty normal for what I'm going through right now and considering I'm an introvert.
I was asking more what all of you do at the very end of the day to wind down, to quiet your brain, instead of drinking.

Maybe I'm being a whiner. Maybe I just have to push through, do the work, huh?
Oh, the class I instruct-my hobby-is a jujutsu class so it's lot of responsibility, tensions can get high, and there is a risk of injury. I love it but it's definitely not a relaxing hobby.
Sorry everyone, me looking for a magic trick again I think

Reese321

I usually talk to people on the phone or on chat. People I wasn't able to see. I talk to one of my best friends, who tends to be on the same wave length as me in many regards.

I used to play video games a few years ago in my early twenties. Those MMO's, like WOW. Did you know the average player is 35 years old? I never knew.

Jujutsu, that's pretty cool man.

I don't know. Alcohol abuse was kind of new to me. I just got back to the States from Iraq and I'm about to join the Army as an officer, so I never ran into that problem in the "real world." I hope you find a way to fill those gaps. Good luck!

OddSpot80

Thanks Reese. That's awesome that you have a friend you can talk to
Ug, my best friend is part of the problem.
Been doing jujutsu for 10 years now, teaching for 5. Being an instructor is very challenging, especially being a small woman. It's one of the reasons I started drinking so much
I'll figure something out. Maybe I'll alphabetize my spices
Going into the Army, huh? My big bro is too. I'm guessing it was your experience in Iraq that made you want to join?

keen2bclean

Hi Oddspot...

I know what you mean..filling those times at the end of the day where you'd drink to relax..(then conk out! lol)...I've been making sure I have a film to watch each evening and have started drinking (don't laugh) hot milk with nutmeg...someone from SR mentioned it the other day, so I tried it and its lovely...really relaxing...my two older kids love it now too hehe. If I cant get a film, I read a book...that usually makes me tired and keeps my mind focused...if not that, then I'm on the internet lol

Reese321

Wow, that must be a challenge. I can't imagine the types of obstacles you run into.

I'm sorry to hear that your best friend is part of the problem. Time to find new friends!

Yes, Iraq, Afghanistan and Djibouti Africa were all reasons I want to join the Army. (I was deployed for two years as a contractor.) Great country, and even better young kids who fill its Army's ranks. Plus a great career.

I hope things are working out for you tonight.

Anna

Oddspot,

I can also relate to 'end of the day relaxing' issues.

I got back to reading, which I had pretty much given up while I was drinking. A good book at the end of the day is a great way to unwind.

Firehazard

Hello, I can relate as when at the end of the day I was still restless, irritable and discontent for awhile until the greatest blessing has come about. I don't know how and don't want to but I like my gaps at the end of the day now. It is a good time to wind down and reflect in gratitude on my day. This is really foreign to me but a welcome thing and I hope you can get there too. Let go and let God is said a lot.

Other than that I like to read, or when I have alot of nervous energy I will get out the charcoal and pencils for some scetching. Sometime a nice long laid back walk will do nicely. It takes time to find what works best for you. A homegroup type of meeting every Thursday will help out a bunch. Great Idea.

tallcactus

I'm into lists.
I start my day with a list of things I need to do, then after, I cross them off.
Feels good to know I acomplished something. Today I cleaned out a closet, dusted the 2 bathrooms, before I clean them tomorrow. Found a lot of cobwebs in the tall ceilings corners, so I had to get a chair. then I took a little nap...LOL.
Get busy, hang tight and stay strong.

OddSpot80

Wow! Thanks everyone for your suggestions. I'm going to write them down cause when the end of the day rolls around all I can think about is a cold beer. It'll help tramendouly to have something to refer to.
I think I'm going to try that milk and nutmeg thing tonight. If my milk isn't sour that is

You guys rock!

CarolD

You are still in your initial de tox period.

Give yourself time...pretend you are just
getting over the flu.

Here is a list...compiled by SR members
for your consideration.

150 Things To Do Instead of Drinking

1. Read a book
2. Take a walk
3. Play a musical instrument
4. Knit
5. Clean your closets
6. Research your genealogy
7. Cook a gourmet dinner
8. Write an article for your local newspaper
9. Go take some pictures
10. Clean the mildew in your bathroom
11. Start writing that book you've been planning
12. Plan a garden
13. Plant a garden
14. Play with a pet
15. Read to a child
16. Visit someone in an old folks' home
17. Watch a news special on TV
18. Set up a family budget
19. Make a web site
20. Take up archery
21. Exercise
22. Go to an online recovery meeting
23. Surf the internet
24. Call your mom
25. Learn a foreign language
26. Write a poem
27. Play golf
28. Take a bubble bath
29. Draw
30. Teach a parakeet to whistle
31. Take a nap
32. Listen to music
33. Paint
34. Clean your desk
35. Start a stamp collection
36. Go window shopping
37. Browse in a book store
38. Go to an art gallery
39. Go for a drive
40. Paint a room
41. Watch the clouds go by
42. Play darts
43. Do target shooting
44. Do home repairs
45. Clean your garage
46. Sort your photographs
47. Make a scrapbook
48. Climb a tree
49. Plant a tree
50. Make marmalade
51. Make a list of things to do
52. Write a letter to the editor
53. Volunteer somewhere
54. Take a hike
55. Take a college class
56. Try yoga
57. Meditate
58. Get a massage
59. Make fruit smoothies
60. Bake cookies
61. Do a crossword puzzle
62. Go to the gym
63. Plant a color bowl
64. Sharpen your pruning tools
65. Change your engine oil
66. Sew
67. Groom your dog
68. Go see a play
69. Write a sonnet
70. Sort your recipes
71. Play solitaire
72. Go bird watching
73. Write a letter to a friend
74. Read a poetry book
75. Repot your houseplants
76. Go to a movie
77. Mow your lawn
78. Put up (or take down) your Christmas lights
79. Make pickles
80. Go jogging
81. Watch sitcoms
82. Plan menus for a diet
83. Do a jigsaw puzzle
84. Play chess
85. Write a country-western song
86. Watch a video
87. Go for a bike ride
88. Plant an herb garden
89. Start an online journal
90. Dye your hair
91. Go to a restaurant
92. Lift weights
93. Bake some bread
94. Learn a martial art
95. Polish the furniture
96. Make a flower arrangement
97. Read the newspaper
98. Start some seeds
99. Sort your magazines
100. Do some laundry.
111. Take a nature walk
112. Play with your kids
113. Volunteer at a homeless shelter
114. Volunteer at a school
115. Pick up garbage in a park
116. Tickle your kids
117. Play basketball
118. Volunteer at an animal shelter
119. Read to a child or pet
120. Sign up for obedience training with your dog
121. Take a walk and pick up litter you see on the way
122. Spend time at the library
123. Sort all your digital photos and make an album to print for holiday gifts to family.
124. Help your kid organize his closet.
125. Figure out the melody and chords to your current favorite tune on the piano.
126. Practice your holiday cookie recipes
127. Make crackers from scratch (that one didn't go so well).
128. Make tortillas from scratch (better).
129. Reread a book you haven't read for years.
130. Tango
131. Learn about someone else’s religion.
132. Reread one of your college textbooks.
133. Key out a wildflower.
134. Do your nails.
135. Do word puzzles.
136. Play a board game.
137. Burn CD’s of some of your favorite music for a friend.
138. Plant a bonsai.
139. Play Mad Libs.
140. Speak only in heroic couplets for an hour.
141. Read poetry online.
142. Ride a stationary bicycle.
143. Set up a domino topple.
144. Play backgammon.
145. Build a house of cards
146. Make an entry in Wikipedia.
147. Read a world almanac.
148. Publish a family newsletter.
149. Throw cards at a hat.
150. Go to bed

What I did....when I got home about 11 p.m.
a warm bubble bath...a mystry book...popcorn
Diet coke.....reading and eating in bed worked great!
My cats liked it too.....

Wantthatfeeling

I usually play online games that I download from Big Fish.com. I am a very social person but need time to recharge my batteries and when I get home I don't want to talk to another soul! I can watch tv and play games with any down time but maybe not the best for winding down. For that...a bath and the big book.

OddSpot80

That list is invaluable! It is printed and posted where I can't avoid it.

keen2bclean

Lovin the list...lol @ nos. 10 & 30...now where's a parakeet when you need one hehe...

Lol Oddspot, be sure to add sugar to taste...and froth your milk up by heating up in a microwave then returning to a clean milk carton (do u have the plastic ones with screw lids over there?) and shake ...bingo! cappunino styleee nutmeg milk lol

Boleo

I found that using a daily program such as steps 10 & 11 releases me from care, boredom and worry. I use the following:

"Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help."

Tazman53

Oddspot how many AA meetings are you going to right now?

In detox my counselor suggested that I spend as much time working on my recovery as I did drinking, the drinking time included the time spent getting the booze.

Well I went to at least one AA meeting a day every day for many months, I drank well in excess of an hour a day so I went early to meetings to talk with other alcoholics and my sponsor and stayed late to do the same thing or go out to a coffee shop and talk. I read the BB & the 12 & 12 and talked to folks in my AA network every day.

As a result of following that mans advice I have not had a single drink since the day I went into detox almost 3 years ago.

Now here is one thing that I could not beleive, with all of those meetings and all of the time spent working on y recovery I actually spent way more QUALITY time with my family then I did for the many years I drank.

BTW when I got home from meetings or doing things with my family I actually enjoyed that quiet time just laying in bed, meditating and then finally praying.

Today I only go to about 3 meetings a week, I do yard work, play cards with the family, go camping and fishing on weekends and talk with my wife and kids.

In early sobriety I had to keep my priorities just as straight then as I do now. No matter what, my sobriety comes first, if I have my sobriety then everything else falls into place rather nicely.

If I lose my sobriety is when I have put something in my life ahead of my sobriety and what ever I put in front of my sobriety more then likely will be the thing I lose right after I lose my sobriety.