AboveItAll

Every day when I wake up, I say to myself "I won't drink today". But the resolve is gone by mid-morning.

Today I decided to come here and make a post rather than go to the refrigerator to find the wine or a beer.

I hate being an alcoholic.

CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community...

Glad you decided to join us....please take time to read
our shares. Many of us are also alcoholics....
and we do understand.

I certinaly did not plan or expect to be an alcoholic
Gasp! Who? Me?

Yes we can and do win over alcohol
That can be true for you too...

Tazman53

I could have written that!!!! I did that for many many years, finally I just gave up to the fact that I could not do it alone, I needed help!

I asked a doctor for help and he put me into medical detox, in detox they told me I needed to go to AA and get a sponsor. I went to AA almost 3 years ago and remain sober today.

What I found out was I can not stay sober, but WE can!

Keep coming back, reading and asking questions, perhaps try out what others do here to stay sober, if the things we do to stay sober work for us there is no reason they can not work for you as well.

Anna

That's a great decision!

Skeeter2

Above, great choice this morning! If you feel yourself weakening, check back here as often as you need to. You can do it!

keithj

A great positive first step.

I made those same promises to myself to not drink on a daily, weekly, monthly, yearly basis. Invariably, I found my resolve slip away in favor of the insanity of the first drink. The idea of the consequences of my actions and how it always turned out for me didn't enter my mind with sufficient force to deter me.

It became very demoralizing to continually make those promises and continually break them. I felt weak and worthless.

When that demoralization became painful enough, I became willing to do whatever it took to stay sober. I hope you also find this willingness.

jamdls

Welcome to SR, I pray that you have the strength for sobriety. 2 years ago today I woke up in the hospital, and after being told the day before that I likely wasn't going to live (I think now they were just trying to scare me), I was told that the medicine was finally working and repairing the hole in my liver, the doctor angrily said "YOU DODGED A BULLET LADY, A BIG BULLET", I'll never forget his words. Within the hour I acknowledged to myself and my doctor (the nice one) that I was an alcoholic and I've never had even a sip of alcohol since.

AboveItAll

Thanks to all for your support.

Skeeter, that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm spending my morning here instead of getting a drink.

KeithJ - what made you finally break the downward cycle? Was it hitting the bottom as they say, or something you were able to draw from within?

Judy - I really appreciate you sharing your story. I'll try to keep in mind that the same could happen to me if I don't stop. Thanks!

Do I really have to find a 'bottom' before I find the strength to quit? How far down does one need to go?

keithj

Hmmm. Good question. I don't know if it was a downward cycle so much as an exponential plummet. I went along for years of knowing I needed to quit, making those promises, trying to moderate, trying to do better. At that time, I had some family problems due to drinking, but no real tangible external consequences. And then things got bad in a hurry and got worse even more quickly. The external consequences started, the family disintegrated, and my attempts at stopping became more fervent and even less successful. My drinking got worse as well.

I went through the doctors, anti-depressants, counseling, outpatient treatment, and inpatient rehab all in about a year's time. And I still couldn't stay sober.

One day, skipping work and drunk at 10 in the morning, the delusion that it was ever going to change got shattered. I saw the truth and knew that it was never going to get better. And I felt like I couldn't go on living another day in that kind of pain. The jumping off place.

So I called a guy in AA who I didn't like very much, but he spoke of a spiritual solution to recover from alcoholism. He showed me how to do what he had done in order to recover. In a few months, I had taken all the steps and had a spiritual awakening as the result. I don't know how to describe that, but things were very different in the way I saw life and my place in it. I had been reborn (even though I would have cringed at that term at the time).

So, I don't know. Sort of sounds like a bottom. I didn't have to go any farther down than that. By definition, it was a turning point. But it wasn't anything noble within myself. My recovery was entirely pain based. That much pain allowed a subtle shift in my mindset where I became willing to go to any lengths. I saw the truth of my own experience. I saw that my lies and delusions and promises were all a fantasy.

I've never had to hurt like that since. And I've never had to drink. On a daily basis my life is overfull with gratitude and love for my fellow travelers on this path.

Reese321

AboveItAll, everyone is different. The fact you came here says something. You're at least not in denial about having a problem with alcohol, which means you're a few steps up (not 12-step steps, just general steps).

Sometimes people need the psychological immediacy of the "bottom" to jolt them into action. Sometimes it's the horrible withdrawal symptoms. Sometimes it's something external like a loved-one saying or doing something.

Maybe you're ready once you put yourself first when grabbing that drink in mid-morning, and end up not drinking it. Maybe you're ready when you get in the car (sober of course) and drive to an AA meeting. Maybe you're ready when you tell someone about it (if you haven't already).

The beauty is that the strength is there when you want to use it. Otherwise, you're just using your weakness, which unfortunately is much easier to use!

Good luck and keep posting.

Hevyn

Welcome AboveIt - don't be discouraged by how you feel these first few days. It will get better, we promise. For me it took awhile, but I knew I was miserable the way things were going, and feared for my life - something had to give. Joy and hope crept back into my life eventually. No, every day is not rainbows & roses, and at times I was very angry and resentful - but I worked through all that, knowing falling back to my old habits was not an option. Some mornings I still wake up and stare at the ceiling and say, "Hey, no hangover - no shakes - cool!" I'm so glad you found us.

PinkyTuscadero

Welcome, AboveIt. It actually feels a bit weird to welcome you because I'm new here too. Or at least I have only started posting in the last week.

I haven't had a drink in 5 days and went to my first AA meeting 5 days ago. My head swirls with questions about whether you have to hit bottom or become physically dependent before "recovery" can work.

There was no bottom for me and I'm not physically dependent. I just got really sick of promising myself not to drink and doing it anyway.

So I'm here with you.

Peace.

AboveItAll

Welcome to you too Pinky.

I'm signing off for the day but hope to see everyone back here again tomorrow. I've found several threads that are very supportive and have met a lot of nice people here today.

Thanks to all of you, especially CarolD...if it weren't for your fast reply, I may not have stayed!

Dee74

See you again tomorrow AboveItAll

D

AboveItAll

Thanks Dee! Seeing your post this morning made me smile!

I made it. I did not drink yesterday. I won't drink today.

Emotionally, I feel pretty good, but physically, I feel yucky. A bit surprised by that since I expected to feel better physically from not drinking, but...I guess it must be withdrawal. I feel drained and tired and a little queezy.

Tazman53

AboveItAll in a nutshell we all get to pick our own bottom, when life reachs the point where we are sick and tired of being sick and tired, we have hit our bottom!

My bottom was was deeper then others and yet so much higher then others as well, your bottom I am sure is deeper then others and also higher then others.

The easiest way to find your bottom is to just quit digging!!!!

I knew I was at my bottom when I became willing to do what ever it took for me to get and stay sober.

Are you willing to do what ever it takes to stay sober?

If you are then you have fouund your bottom!

One does not need to become physically dependant upon alcohol to hit thier bottom, they do not need to lose every thing or even any thing major to hit thier bottom.

Have you sunk low enough for you? Then you have hit your bottom.

Seekingsobriety

Excellent post. Everyone's bottom is different. You don't need to LOSE EVERYTHING before you are at bottom...........(though many do)...........but most importantly for me, was I was able to see what I HAD ALREADY LOST and WHAT I STOOD TO LOSE if I continued. I lost a lot.............but thankfully, not nearly as much as I could have.

AboveItAll

This quote is one for the books. Thanks!

jamdls

Another of my favorite Taz lines!

thirtybubba

Welcome, AboveIt. I hate being an alcoholic too.

This is a good place, if you want it to be.

Oh, and welcome Pinky, too.