Relapsed Badly
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 77
Relapsed Badly
I have been hiding my drinking from everybody in my life (although I think some are not deluded since I keep answering their calls or calling them drunk).
I wanted to drink but keep the benefits of sobriety like wanting to keep the friends who won't be there if they know I have picked up.
Well, the two to three glasses of wine I was having everyday and rationalized as "normal" turned into a six or seven martini binge at a bar where I fell and sprained my ankle. The bar had to call a cab for me and I awoke the next day to find all my money and a credit card gone as well as with cuts and bruises.
This has happened so many times. I had stopped going to meetings and started telling myself I was normal. I was pretending to be "sober" so I could drink without anyone bothering me.
I am not. I am an alcoholic in desperate need of help.
The humiliation got me through three days without a drink.
I wanted to drink but keep the benefits of sobriety like wanting to keep the friends who won't be there if they know I have picked up.
Well, the two to three glasses of wine I was having everyday and rationalized as "normal" turned into a six or seven martini binge at a bar where I fell and sprained my ankle. The bar had to call a cab for me and I awoke the next day to find all my money and a credit card gone as well as with cuts and bruises.
This has happened so many times. I had stopped going to meetings and started telling myself I was normal. I was pretending to be "sober" so I could drink without anyone bothering me.
I am not. I am an alcoholic in desperate need of help.
The humiliation got me through three days without a drink.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
welcome to sr........im glad your here.
you wouldnt be the first drunk to stop doing what helps and got drunk all over...
get back to the meetings and grab a big book.....in that book you will find a program of action in the shape of 12 steps.
there you will find the solution to your dilema.......if your an alcoholic.
i did and never felt the need to drink again........i was relieved of the obssesion to drink ......
keep posting.........shaun
you wouldnt be the first drunk to stop doing what helps and got drunk all over...
get back to the meetings and grab a big book.....in that book you will find a program of action in the shape of 12 steps.
there you will find the solution to your dilema.......if your an alcoholic.
i did and never felt the need to drink again........i was relieved of the obssesion to drink ......
keep posting.........shaun
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Welcome to SR Auxillo
My friends were all drinkers so they were happy for me to drink, but I remember many times doing 'well' with drinking...thinking I'd 'over reacted' about my alcoholism...and then finding again and again I hadn't...I'd simply underestimated it
You *are* normal - a normal alcoholic. We understand, cos we've all been there.
I hope you'll find this place as supportive and helpful as I do.
If meetings worked, I hope you'll go back. Don't let your pride stand in your way.
If not, I hope something you read here on SR can guide you onto something else that will work for you
Hope to see you around some more,
D
My friends were all drinkers so they were happy for me to drink, but I remember many times doing 'well' with drinking...thinking I'd 'over reacted' about my alcoholism...and then finding again and again I hadn't...I'd simply underestimated it
You *are* normal - a normal alcoholic. We understand, cos we've all been there.
I hope you'll find this place as supportive and helpful as I do.
If meetings worked, I hope you'll go back. Don't let your pride stand in your way.
If not, I hope something you read here on SR can guide you onto something else that will work for you
Hope to see you around some more,
D
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
auxilio welcome to SR, look you relapsed, you have been sober for 3 days now, take advantage of those 3 days, get to a meeting.
You say AA was helping, were you working the program or just going to meetings? For some just going to meetings is all it takes, for me and many others it took more then just going to meetings.
Here is what worked for me and many others.
1. Going to lots of meetings in early sobriety.
2. Getting a sponsor.
3. Taking the steps with my sponsor.
4. Calling my sponsor.
5. Developing a network and calling people every day.
6. Reading recovery literature.
7. Praying even if I did not beleive in a HP yet.
8. Finding an HP of my choice and understanding.
9. Applying the steps to all areas of my life.
10. Doing service work like setting up meetings or making coffee.
auxilio in AA we do not shoot our wounded, we welcome folks back with open arms.
You know what worked before, imagine if you really worked it!
You say AA was helping, were you working the program or just going to meetings? For some just going to meetings is all it takes, for me and many others it took more then just going to meetings.
Here is what worked for me and many others.
1. Going to lots of meetings in early sobriety.
2. Getting a sponsor.
3. Taking the steps with my sponsor.
4. Calling my sponsor.
5. Developing a network and calling people every day.
6. Reading recovery literature.
7. Praying even if I did not beleive in a HP yet.
8. Finding an HP of my choice and understanding.
9. Applying the steps to all areas of my life.
10. Doing service work like setting up meetings or making coffee.
auxilio in AA we do not shoot our wounded, we welcome folks back with open arms.
You know what worked before, imagine if you really worked it!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,557
Auxilio, it's ok - all part of your journey to a sober life. I had to have those things happen to me in order to be convinced once & for all that I am NOT in charge and cannot moderate. No such thing as "a nice glass of wine with dinner" or "just a few". Every time it led me to blackouts, binges, and life threatening chaos.
You say the humiliation got you through three days. That's how I was after my last 3-week binge - humiliated and terrified for my life. Once I got feeling better I did toy with the idea that I could have a little something again. I guess that's where AA comes in for so many. That's when I found SR, and all these wonderful "normal alcoholics" as Dee put it (love that, D). I was no longer alone, and I knew what I had to do. You can do it, this time for sure!
You say the humiliation got you through three days. That's how I was after my last 3-week binge - humiliated and terrified for my life. Once I got feeling better I did toy with the idea that I could have a little something again. I guess that's where AA comes in for so many. That's when I found SR, and all these wonderful "normal alcoholics" as Dee put it (love that, D). I was no longer alone, and I knew what I had to do. You can do it, this time for sure!
Blu**ed Lines...A ClockWork SR
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: AZ
Posts: 2,529
Welcome. Every time I start rationalizing that I can drink normally.... I count the scars on my body that are alcohol related. I'm actually thinking of doing some sort of photo collage of them and hanging it up. I know if I pick up very bad things will happen. Get to that place in you mind where you realize that there are more benefits to not drinking than drinking and live it. Best of luck. Humbly on Day 36 this time. And yeah... I should start going to AA again. Figure out what works for YOU.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 77
Thank you so much for your kind words! I am on day four, read a daily meditation in the morning and now am lucid enough to go to work.
Counting on sober alcoholics is much better than counting on a drink which for me has led me to a bottom several times.
Counting on sober alcoholics is much better than counting on a drink which for me has led me to a bottom several times.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by auxilio 
The humiliation got me through three days without a drink.
AA Big Book, Ch. 2, 1st Ed.
This tells me that the humiliation and suffering of my last drinking escapade will fail to keep me sober. I'm not just going to believe that. I'm going to look at my own experience.
Did crashing a car keep me sober?
Did a DUI arrest keep me sober?
Did getting thrown out of a bar keep me sober?
Did getting my ass kicked keep me sober?
Did another DUI arrest keep me sober?
Did a divorce keep me sober?
Did living out of my car keep me sober?
Did another crashed car and another arrest keep me sober?
Did everyone knowing about these escapades keep me sober?
Did jail keep me sober?
Did threats from a judge keep me sober?
This is by no means a complete list. It can go on and on. All of those events were both painful and humiliating. And none of them kept me sober for very long.
Am I like those alcoholics described in that book or am I somehow different? I don't need anybody to tell me, I just need my own experience.
If I am like them, maybe I need the same solution they found.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 438
Originally Posted by auxilio
Counting on sober alcoholics is much better than counting on a drink which for me has led me to a bottom several times.
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