officially the "C" word....
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officially the "C" word....
he just called me the "C" word in a text...he got his motion for court to bring him up to arrears bc he hasnt paid all summer..he's acting surprised and super angry that I would do this?? He's been collecting unemployment and working under the table its been all summer I had no choice but to tell my lawyer and now AH is saying " You are on a mission to get me locked up," I am not on a mission to get him locked up at all. I simply NEED the child support to pay our mortgage and other bills!!!!! Earlier he was leaving messages saying he still loves me with all his heart but not anymore....
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I agree...
I hope his overreaction in his text helps you to detach and let his anger towards you go. He owes support and the court is placing the consequence of that squarely where it belongs.
You are taking care of yourself and that what's important. He will have to just get over it.
Oh, and I am sure that "C" word was really C-U-T-E, right? LOL! I know, I know, not exactly.
Hang in there!!!
Alice
I hope his overreaction in his text helps you to detach and let his anger towards you go. He owes support and the court is placing the consequence of that squarely where it belongs.
You are taking care of yourself and that what's important. He will have to just get over it.
Oh, and I am sure that "C" word was really C-U-T-E, right? LOL! I know, I know, not exactly.
Hang in there!!!
Alice
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I can see now why I loved him so much, because he NEVER was verbally or physically abusive to me, ever. He's never called me names or belittled me, he's always believed in me and my career, he would always whisper in my ear when we went somewhere that I was the most beautiful woman in the room....I think I forgave him for many other things because he didn't abuse me in those ways...now even that part of him is gone...I know he doesn't truly mean it...that it's the addiction talking, right? lol....
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I know, that c word really makes you grasp for air hey. I was so taken back when my husband used this on me, he knew it too, it became my first name. Never, never, never had he talked to me like this in the 25years I knew him, never!...Just this alone was enough to tell me, he has a bad problem. People would tell me to take it with a grain of salt, but it was pretty hard to swallow. But, it all went hand in hand with the addiction and behavour. It still stung though, no matter where it was coming from.
I feel with you,
Rose
I feel with you,
Rose
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Originally Posted by blusunflower 
he just called me the "C" word in a text...he got his motion for court to bring him up to arrears bc he hasnt paid all summer..he's acting surprised and super angry that I would do this?? He's been collecting unemployment and working under the table its been all summer I had no choice but to tell my lawyer and now AH is saying " You are on a mission to get me locked up," I am not on a mission to get him locked up at all. I simply NEED the child support to pay our mortgage and other bills!!!!! Earlier he was leaving messages saying he still loves me with all his heart but not anymore....
Blaming you -trying to make you feel guilty and bad about it, is just a part of his own denial and manipulation.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
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I know that if anyone called me that, they'd never call me anything again because our conversations would be over and they could talk to my lawyer instead.
You are worth so much better than all that, don't let him drag you down into his darkness, you have too much light going for you to stop looking ahead now.
Hugs
You are worth so much better than all that, don't let him drag you down into his darkness, you have too much light going for you to stop looking ahead now.
Hugs
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I am sorry blusunflower, that is awful! No one deserves to be talked to that way!! I know when my AH starts yelling and acting like an idiot, I just tell him that it is not possible for me to communicate with him if he is going to speak to me that way and that I would be happy to talk with him once he calms down. If he can't be respectful, we don't talk, that is it.
Prayers to you!
-Daisy
Prayers to you!
-Daisy
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Originally Posted by blusunflower
he just called me the "C" word in a text...he got his motion for court to bring him up to arrears bc he hasnt paid all summer..he's acting surprised and super angry that I would do this?? ....
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EX-Husbands & child support....
Hi Everyone,
I don't get child support anymore since my daughter is 31 now. When I was awarded $300 by the judge for CS I was surprized that I got that much for one child...the other four children from first marriage were out on their own by then. This was in 1984.
My ex would talk to me like that over the phone when I finally got a phone. I had to get one when my 11 year old daughter was diagnosed with Juvenile Diabetes...in case we had an emergency with her blood sugars.
In our state we have a Support Enforcement Program that costs nothing but they keep track of the payments & when they get to them. At first the payments had to go through the court because he started writing checks that were not good.
He was almost put back in jail because he skipped a payment when he moved across the United States from us & they did serve him papers but he did manage to come up with the very first payment that the check bounced & the payment past due & the payment coming up...so I got $900 in one week.
Was he ever angry...called me & reamed me out about belonging to the Support Enforcement Program & why did I do it??? I told him I did it because he was always late with the payments or the checks bounced.
He was on a special list so they knew immediately when he hadn't paid. He died a few years ago with a heart attack. But our daughter was already done with high school & was attending college when he died.
Hope it goes better for you. I didn't put much effort out about what he called me...if he thought that little of me he wasn't worth communicating with at any time. :ghug2
kelsh
I don't get child support anymore since my daughter is 31 now. When I was awarded $300 by the judge for CS I was surprized that I got that much for one child...the other four children from first marriage were out on their own by then. This was in 1984.
My ex would talk to me like that over the phone when I finally got a phone. I had to get one when my 11 year old daughter was diagnosed with Juvenile Diabetes...in case we had an emergency with her blood sugars.
In our state we have a Support Enforcement Program that costs nothing but they keep track of the payments & when they get to them. At first the payments had to go through the court because he started writing checks that were not good.
He was almost put back in jail because he skipped a payment when he moved across the United States from us & they did serve him papers but he did manage to come up with the very first payment that the check bounced & the payment past due & the payment coming up...so I got $900 in one week.
Was he ever angry...called me & reamed me out about belonging to the Support Enforcement Program & why did I do it??? I told him I did it because he was always late with the payments or the checks bounced.
He was on a special list so they knew immediately when he hadn't paid. He died a few years ago with a heart attack. But our daughter was already done with high school & was attending college when he died.
Hope it goes better for you. I didn't put much effort out about what he called me...if he thought that little of me he wasn't worth communicating with at any time. :ghug2
kelsh
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he just called me the "C" word in a text...
"You are on a mission to get me locked up" ... Earlier he was leaving messages saying he still loves me with all his heart
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I woke up today thinking of this thread. It occurred to me that my XABF got the first letter in the alphabet (A), and I got called B through Z.
If it were a contest, who do you think would be the victor?
Thus far, I have reclaimed being a B and I'm starting to enjoy it. LOL!
I think Blusunflower has giving new empowerment to being a C.
My mother does cross stitch and would probably enjoy doing an alphabet sampler for me. I'll just have her leave off the A because that one isn't mine. HA!!
Alice
A.K.A - Another X of an ABF. (Heehee)
If it were a contest, who do you think would be the victor?
Thus far, I have reclaimed being a B and I'm starting to enjoy it. LOL!
I think Blusunflower has giving new empowerment to being a C.
My mother does cross stitch and would probably enjoy doing an alphabet sampler for me. I'll just have her leave off the A because that one isn't mine. HA!!
Alice
A.K.A - Another X of an ABF. (Heehee)
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I've been searching my feelings and I am going to be completely honest in saying that him calling me the "C" or just being hateful to me in general does make me waver a teensy bit, don't get me wrong haven't stopped moving forward, but I feel more lonely/scared/dissappointed....
it's just craziness and I know not to react or respond to him...his approval used to matter to me more than anything (that's a sign of a co-dependant?) so I too am fighting demons...
Alice...you are awesome.
it's just craziness and I know not to react or respond to him...his approval used to matter to me more than anything (that's a sign of a co-dependant?) so I too am fighting demons...
Alice...you are awesome.
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You bet it makes you feel bad! Part of my codependency is not just living reactionary to my XABF's mood and subsequent treatment of me, but my parents before him, and anyone else I latch onto going forward.
You see if my XABF treated me like dirt, I was dirt. If my parents told me I was incapable or stupid, I became incapable and stupid. When I broke from my parents, I found my XABF. All of the codependency that I had battled down in the interim was eventually resurrected and placed on my XABF.
Now that I have broken from XABF and remain at a healthy distance emotionally from my family I feel a lot like a piece of flypaper, ready to stick to the first thing that wanders too closely. I've caught myself being drawn into my friend's moods now that I've taken up temporary residence in her basement. When she's having a bad day and gets snappy, I find my mood nosediving and my self worth hitting the skids. It requires a certain vigilance to be aware of it when it happens and a lot of effort to change my thinking when my codependency derails.
Acknowledging the demons for what they are is a huge step Blusunflower. These things are going to happen. If not him, than someone else. That's what this kind of "addiction" is about. We depend on stimulus from outside sources to determine our moods, wants, or self worth. We have to relearn how to draw from within just like an addict has to relearn how to live without their drug of choice.
Keep reminding yourself that you are changing from within and that takes time. He's not changing at all, and it's easy for him to blame anyone but himself for his troubles. You are doing the work to be the best you can be, he's not.
You see if my XABF treated me like dirt, I was dirt. If my parents told me I was incapable or stupid, I became incapable and stupid. When I broke from my parents, I found my XABF. All of the codependency that I had battled down in the interim was eventually resurrected and placed on my XABF.
Now that I have broken from XABF and remain at a healthy distance emotionally from my family I feel a lot like a piece of flypaper, ready to stick to the first thing that wanders too closely. I've caught myself being drawn into my friend's moods now that I've taken up temporary residence in her basement. When she's having a bad day and gets snappy, I find my mood nosediving and my self worth hitting the skids. It requires a certain vigilance to be aware of it when it happens and a lot of effort to change my thinking when my codependency derails.
Acknowledging the demons for what they are is a huge step Blusunflower. These things are going to happen. If not him, than someone else. That's what this kind of "addiction" is about. We depend on stimulus from outside sources to determine our moods, wants, or self worth. We have to relearn how to draw from within just like an addict has to relearn how to live without their drug of choice.
Keep reminding yourself that you are changing from within and that takes time. He's not changing at all, and it's easy for him to blame anyone but himself for his troubles. You are doing the work to be the best you can be, he's not.
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This thread really makes me think. I've gone for about 14 years all on my own without child support because I've felt sorry for my sorry-@ss ex. He wasn't an addict, but why should I have had to come up with all the money. Just another expression of my codie tendencies that I need to take a look at.
Love,
KJ
Love,
KJ
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