brundle

I think when I say this it's going to sound stupid; but I just needed to vent. I have near my kitchen window the most beautiful butterfly bush. It's huge. We have lots of land and there have been so many different kinds of butterflies on this thing (and moths) of all different colors it's amazing. Friends and family have just been ooohing and aaaahing. It looks almost alive. I do lots with photography and hoped on getting out there this week to get some pictures of all these different beautiful bugs...

Yesterday my AH cut it back. Or more likely almost down. Now it will grow back next year. But all the blooms are gone. The butterflies wont come to it without them. He cut the thing at least in half. His excuse was if he left it much longer it would be get to big to trim. I stood on the back porch for all of a second feeling sick and went in to take a nap.

Two hours later, he had gone out. I got up and went out again hoping I had seen wrong. due to the PA heat it was wilted and even two hours later he hadn't cleaned up all the stuff he had cut off it, he had just let it lay next to what was left of the bush. It made me want to cry. I really try not to get attached to anything around here. This is a guy who doesn't trim the stuff around the house that needs trimmed there are weeds every where, but he had to bug this bush. He always has some deep seated need to destroy what I care about.

It's crazy but I felt as I looked at that bush that it was me. At one time I had been full of life (when he met me). But after being with him I'm just all wilted with all my happyness gone. So right now I'm crying for what's left of my beautiful butterfly bush vowing NOT to get attached to ANYTHING here ever again. Thanks for the shoulder to cry on...

MissFixit

Hey brundle,

Are you doing anything for yourself today?

Hugs

brundle

I'm going to church and then I'm taking myself to brunch.

Thanks

coyote21

Butterflies are one of the many significant creatures that seem to speak to me. I didn't even know there was anything like this butterfly bush you describe...it sounds wonderous. Is that even a word?

I can see it in my minds eye, alive with colorful movement....wow. I will be getting one of those at our next house. If it were me, I believe I'd go to the nearest plant store and get myself a replacement.

You can't control what a drunken a-hole does, but you can take steps to make yourself happy.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

MeHandle

.

I actually like this idea! I have imaged throwing wild flower seeds on the long prairie walking path i take. I have only not done it because I haven't looked into if it would be a bad thing for the normal eco for this prairie field area and therefore illegal for me to do it.

( Can you see us getting arrested for throwing wild flower seeds or planting a butterfly bush...lol!!!!!!)

So I think a private planting is a great idea!!!!!!!!!

back to not getting attached to anything..... brundle, detachment from a person is different then living in a state of "worrying" about enjoying everything around you. This is where the state "better to have lived and lost then to not have lived at all" might serve you. Actually, i view my stbxah this way too. I appreciate the good and mourn the loss. But i must move on before I allow it to kill me too.

I am also a butterfly lover!!!!!!!! They represent growth,( even the ugly part of change with pain) change, freedom and the beauty that sorrows out of it. I could go on about all my butterfly thoughts and analogies but I sure i am just singing to the choir on this one!!!

I missed church to do all this posting this morning.:-) I was going to go to a different church this morning . One that has a huge body of motorcycle riders. I was hoping to get a ride as I was hoping to have a freedom kind of ride, wanted to feel like a butterfly today.( NO Joke!!!!) It's been on my list this summer.:-) Next week I might actually have the courage to ask someone for that ride. lol...Wouldn't it be nice if someone just walked right up to us when we really wanted something and said " Hey, i know you want a ride on a motorcycle. I am here to give you one" or " I know you want a blooming butterfly plant, I have it and am going to plant it where you want it."

Ahhh, just a moment of fantasy. Most likely we will have to move to make our dreams come true.:-)

love tammy

TakingCharge999

Maybe if he trimmed everything, it would be like OK, he just did it all, but just that ONE bush? hard not to take it personal. Can you buy something similar? or get a bunch of other plants for the rest of the year, flowers... so they uplift you while it grows again. It WILL thrive again so its just a matter of time!

Also you can make a point on going out and looking for other beautiful stuff you can photograph and you had not noticed before.... for instance yourself

I recall ex broke something very valuable to me in his drunken stupors. I expected an apology

Well I got something better and nicer. i asked my sis to get it for me and she did!

I got it in my cubicle to remind me he can destroy stuff and can cause grief, etc. but things and moods are temporary, my soul is intact and full with wonderful feelings, memories that do not involve him AT ALL, moments in the present, that no one ever is taking away from me

I am making a point on making my life more enjoyable and beautiful, I know you will do the same, we women have such a wonderful taste and are able to bring so much life to anything, we are amazing!! (insert your favorite Girl Power tune here)

brundle

Thanks for all your posts!!! I'm still kind of weepy but better. I guess I felt guilty because anytime I take time to love something he destroys it. If I hadn't loved it so, he wouldn't have looked twice at it... I loved the idea of getting one and planting it far away. We have 6 acres that runs up to gaming land. The land is protected. I'm going to go get two and plant them on the line; he never goes there.

Then no matter what he does to the one near the house all those butterflies will have another one too! I really love butterflies too! My mom had loved the bush too. I might get one for at her house so when I move out of here I can go there to enjoy one.

Well my AH just pulled in the drive; so I have to go...
Hugs all...

Jadmack25

I hope you move very soon brundle, and can have the things you love blooming safely around you. What a childish form of jealousy this man has, and how I do feel for you when you saw that beautiful bush given a crew cut. May you soon be a free flying butterfly.

God bless