Needing help!!!

Old 08-28-2009, 10:32 PM
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Unhappy Needing help!!!

This is my first time posting and I feel like I could really use some advice!

My mother has been dealing with alcoholism for the past four years. She has been in and out of inpatient rehab facilities, yet nothing seems to really work.

Recently she left for three days, which is typical for her. She will leave home for a few days at a time and binge drink. Well this time what happened was she got into an accident, luckily only hit a tree and a street sign. She was sent to the hospital and we found out that her BAC was .519!!!! Everyone was suprised that she was nto dead or in a coma, but she was alive due to her tolerance.

She stayed in the hospital for about five days and was released a few days ago, and is already expecting all priveledges as she once had. My father and family believe that she needs to have consequences for her actions, specifically drinking to that severity and driving drunk. So he took her car keys away from her, and she is unable to drive her car. She also got a DWI, but her license have nto gotten suspended yet.

I am just looking for some advice! We are very tired of her and the unsafe stunts she still seems to pull. We have gotten to know alot about alcoholism including our dos and don'ts of living with an alcoholic.

I amjust hoping that I can get some advice, she goes to AA meeting and they try to tell her that my father should give her the keys back to her car. Yet we disagree!!!

Help! Desperately seeking advice from others who have been in our shoes!!
~~ Allison
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Old 08-28-2009, 11:11 PM
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I think your father is well within his rights to keep the car keys away from her. If she was charged with DWI, the courts will soon be revoking her driving priviledges anyway. I'm no expert, but my only advice to you and your family would be to attend Al-Anon and try as hard as you can to detach from her problem. I know only too well the stress that taking on someone else's problems can cause. Therapy would be another avenue for you, for your father, and for anyone else who is impacted by her drinking. You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. It's easy to say but difficult to believe. I would try and focus all your energy on getting to the point where you believe that, and maybe point your father towards some resources that could help him begin to accept that as well. I think it's also beneficial to remember that many times, people only begin to want to get well from alcoholism when they truly feel they have to, when all their enablers have been taken away from them.
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Old 08-29-2009, 05:13 AM
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Hi Pretzel and welcome to SR!

I am sorry that you and your family are going through this. You have come to a great on-line resource for families of alcoholics. There are some other members here that have grown up in homes with active alcoholism. We also have a forum here for Adult Children of Alcoholics. The effects of growing up in a home with active alcoholism can manifest themselves in future relationships.

I hope that you and your family will check out meetings through Alateen and Alanon. Therapy and counseling are also a good place to find help. If you are a student, you may be able to find support through your guidance counselor.

Your mother may not be telling the truth about AA telling her she should have the car keys back. You won't be able to control that.

Your dad is trying to protect himself, your family and others in the community by taking away the keys. He is being a responsible adult.

Make yourself at home and read the sticky posts at the top of the forum. Ask as many questions as needed. Please take care of yourself!
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