onlyliveonce

It's been awhile since I've written. I've started my 4 online classes to finish my Associate in Criminal Justice, filed for divorce and he's been served in jail. My final hearing is in November. YEA YEA!!!!! He is in jail on serious charges and will maybe be going to prison for some time. We have a 14 yr. old son together and have been married for 18 LONG years. I was finally DONE with him and all the drama that goes along with being with him. Him and his CW are in jail on the same charges and she is 20 yrs. old and he is 36. We have a long history and that's not to be ignored but I OWE HIM NOTHING. He's wrote me a couple of letters since he's been there asking for his family's addresses. I have talked to all of them and none of them want him to have their address. How freaking sad is that?? He has literally burned ALL bridges he has crossed even with his immediate family. I'm the only one that will even still talk to him and since he's been in jail the first letter I wrote I told him I was fixing to be his ex-wife not his support system. I also told him exactly what his family was saying. His mom knows I sorta feel a little stuck in the middle since I'm divorcing him but hell she dosen't even like to talk about him. Not sure if I could be as completely cold as she is but if that's what she needs to do to protect herself and I can respect that. But NOBODY can at least write him?? Anyway I wasted ALOT of years waiting on this man to straighten up andnow his time is up and mine has began.
It's actually good he's in jail cause he's really just a menace to society with his criminal activities. He is the predator and everyone else is the prey. I do not even know the man I see before me these days. My B is long gone and will never be back. I've learned not to count or depend on him for anything and I've planned accordingly. Son will be getting braces in 5 weeks and he will bear none of that responsibility. It sucks but ya know what - he still needs straight teeth so I made a plan and made arrangements and it's going to happen.
He's asked that I come to the bond hearing on the serious charges and I haven't decided if I'm going to go or not. In the first letter I wrote him I told him the only contact I will have with him is by mail. In his second letter to me he asked about me and him , Hello you were served divorce papers 3 days before you wrote that - have the drugs/alcohol effed you up that much??? I think it's pretty self explanatory!!! Man it's sure nice to be able to SEE the manipulation and say hell no that's not the way we're gonna do it!!
He is actually looking at 20 yrs. or so but that's where HIS choices have gotten him and I will not be getting in the way of his fall anymore. Anyway thanks for letting me vent/write it out.

Pelican

Thanks for the update OLO! I'm glad you will be getting your freedom by the end of this year. 2010 looks like a good year for you!

Just a word of caution to you based on your post:
Not sure if I could be as completely cold as she is but if that's what she needs to do to protect herself and I can respect that. But NOBODY can at least write him??

You're not his messiah. You don't have to save him from loneliness, guilt, rejection or misery. You're not that powerful. He did the crimes, let HIM do the times. Please don't let yourself stay hooked to this man emotionally.

You deserve to let your spirit soar.

onlyliveonce

I guess I'm still placing his guilt on my shoulders. Just hard sometimes not to feel a little sorry for him but I would never let him know that. Any opportunity or opening he would see would be all it would take. Thanks for reminding me that saving myself is more important than him or his problems. I think I'm just feeling like this cause we have a son together but that's really irrelevant. I'm looking forward to 2010 and the exciting things it has to offer son and I. I'm not sure I'd be as strong as his mom is if it were my son. Very touchy there.

Bernadette

Wow onlyliveonce-- thanks for the update-- you sound good and strong.

Naturally you feel all kinds of feelings about your STBXAH, sorrow, regret, guilt, pity...that is all OK! But you don't have to let those be the feelings that you rely on to make decisions. Keep relying on your plan and on your rational judgement borne of all you've been through and seen of this person and you'll stay on track.

I am excited for 2010 too - hey it's fun to daydream about New Year's Eve 2009 and what kind of exciting year you have ahead of you for you and your son. Won't peace and freedom be exciting to have??!!!
b