Rose56

Another night of screaming, another night of crying for hours and waking up with swollen eyes. WHen my hubby picked me up from work to take me to my mamograham, I felt embarrassed. The clothes he was wearing didn't really match and he had on a baseball cap. He likes to wear sleeveless shirts that show off his tattoos. He was very reserved because somehow he knew that a scene was coming. Well we go through the whole evening fairly well. We get home and go for a walk with the dog, so far so good. Then when we come back, I see a pile of clothes on the bed from this morning. And I just blow up. He didin't even see the clothes on the bed that needed to be folded. Here he is home all day with nothing better to do than clean the house and leaves the clothes for me to do at 8pm after a long day.

I know that I have to take an action to take care of myself. I know that nothing changes if nothing changes. Obviously I can't do it. That is the truth. I just don't have what it takes to stand up for myself. Sad, but true. I have asked God to help me so many times, but maybe I am just beyond help. Ok ok I can see the pity party. But here I am at 8am and I feel as low as I normally feel at 8pm at night. The morning is usually my more hopeful time. But I will make it through this day. Luckily I have a woman's retreat to go to at chiurch this morning. I hope I can get in the right frame of mind. Please pray for me today.

Debbie

********{Rose}}}}}}

My hubby is home all day - he is retired due to a disability and he doesn't bring in much at all. I work full time. He knows its his job to do certain things. Like you said, he is home all day and their and these are the things he does. If he doesn't do them, guess what, neither do I. Maybe you just should have taken the clothes, put them in a basket and put them to the side or perhaps said, oh I guess you forgot to do these today, are you going to them now or tomorrow.

By now you know the confrontation and the battles don't get us any where. It only makes us hurt and regret that they happened in the first place.

Be a little easier on him and yourself. I hope you have a nice morning at the church. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Take care.
Many hugs,
Debbie

sdp

I like BD's answer- leave them for him. If it's his job, don't do it for him!!

mo

Hello

Just my two cents worth. I know I am in trouble with myself and my desires when I spend more energy trying to get someone to do something that they don't won't want to do./or don't consider important enough to do. or etc. . .

For example. .my husband knows how to cut hair. When my kids were little. .I would spend days nagging on him to do hair cuts. . this went on for a long time giving me tons of frustration. One day. .BOOM . .it occured to me. .why not just spend the $5.00 and get the boys hair cut and get it over with. .

I choose my battles and this was one that released me from all the aggravation of trying to force someone to do something. Enabling. .no way. .it just freed me up.

Expectations. .. .of what people especially addicts ( and regular husbands) in our lives SHOULD do will just bring us down . . that is the cruel truth.

You can spend your valuable energy trying to make him do what you want him to do Rose . .or you can take the good with the bad and enjoy what he does do. .for today. .

Blessings Mo

QTpie

Rose....

I can really relate to what you are saying my b\f would sit on his butt all day and do nothing. I would come home from work to find my house a mess the kids running wild and him sleeping! What worked for me was to put everyone in charge of themsevles. The kids cleaned up the mess they made, I cleaned mine and left his. It made me crazy to sit there and look at it so I got a laundry basket anything he left around the house I would take and put in there and I mean EVERYTHING clothes, dishes,glasses,lighters,notes all of it and then he would have to go in to the pile and get whatever he wanted. This did two things for me it moved everything in to one place, so I don't see it and want to clean it up, and got him to do his own laundry, cleanup after himself ect.....

Hugs & prayers
Colleen

Rose56

Thanks for your comments friends. I have thought about this today and you are right, I have to choose my battles and learn what is really important to me. I also have to deal with a mountain of anger. That is what was triggered by the clothes, anger from other things and pressures. I have committed to start seeing a new counselor and I will start by addressing my anger about the situation. I will also try to sort out what I can do and what I cannot do. Hopefully this will prepare me for taking some constructive actions. I also need to place exercise in a higher priority in my life, because when I was exercising regularily I was less angry and tense. I like the idea about just putting the clothes aside, just because they are on the bed I don't have to fold them. Thanks for listening.