Been away a while...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 237
Been away a while...
I had 6 weeks under my belt but then decided to try a little controlled drinking when we went for our two week vacation. It worked for the most part except for a Staggette (I am maid of honor and planned it all) where I drank WAY to much, the shots were more than I could handle. The bride and I had a blast (as did others) but its not something I would care to repeat again.
Anyway, I am back to the realisation that perhaps drinking is not a good thing for me. I find I was feeling just AWESOME for the first 6 weeks when not drinking. I ran a 10k, took tennis lessons, went kayaking and started to write a book.
Now I am slowly starting to feel anxious and yucky again, EVEN THOUGH I am only having a couple of drinks every now and then. I had a 2 beer last night with the bride and bridesmades at a local pub to go over wedding stuff and I felt so awful just a few hours after (anxious or depressed). I think I must be very sensitive to alcohol or something because it seems to really throw me for a loop whenever I have even just a few drinks. Something I would have never noticed before because I was drinking heavily every few days.
I think that the anxiety that drinking causes me was making me want to drink again (and more) all those years. Although I had no problem stopping with just 2 drinks (actually felt a little tipsy) I really dont like the way it makes me feel anymore. I like feeling clean and healthy... makes me feel really good in everyway including self worth.
I think I am going to get back on the abstinence wagon again. I felt sooo much better (about %200 better) not drinking.
Also, therapy makes me not want to drink. Its soo nice to be able to get my weekly frustrations out in therapy, safe place to vent my issues. Its almost like a weekely cleanse. I think I will go back to that too.
Anyway, sorry for long post! Thanks if you got this far!
Anyway, I am back to the realisation that perhaps drinking is not a good thing for me. I find I was feeling just AWESOME for the first 6 weeks when not drinking. I ran a 10k, took tennis lessons, went kayaking and started to write a book.
Now I am slowly starting to feel anxious and yucky again, EVEN THOUGH I am only having a couple of drinks every now and then. I had a 2 beer last night with the bride and bridesmades at a local pub to go over wedding stuff and I felt so awful just a few hours after (anxious or depressed). I think I must be very sensitive to alcohol or something because it seems to really throw me for a loop whenever I have even just a few drinks. Something I would have never noticed before because I was drinking heavily every few days.
I think that the anxiety that drinking causes me was making me want to drink again (and more) all those years. Although I had no problem stopping with just 2 drinks (actually felt a little tipsy) I really dont like the way it makes me feel anymore. I like feeling clean and healthy... makes me feel really good in everyway including self worth.
I think I am going to get back on the abstinence wagon again. I felt sooo much better (about %200 better) not drinking.
Also, therapy makes me not want to drink. Its soo nice to be able to get my weekly frustrations out in therapy, safe place to vent my issues. Its almost like a weekely cleanse. I think I will go back to that too.
Anyway, sorry for long post! Thanks if you got this far!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 237
Oh and another thing I hate about drinking that it seems as soon as you have a drink, even if its only 1 or 2, your whole night is ruined. I feel too tired to go for a run or do anything productive and just want to go to sleep.
OH AND, I lost 10 pounds from replacing drinking with running (I am not that heavy anyway but am getting in shape). I am in the best shape I have been in 10 years! (im 33 yrs old)
So many good reasons to go for a soda!!
OH AND, I lost 10 pounds from replacing drinking with running (I am not that heavy anyway but am getting in shape). I am in the best shape I have been in 10 years! (im 33 yrs old)
So many good reasons to go for a soda!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 53
Thank you for posting. I'm so glad your thoughts were clear enough to see why you were feeling the way you did after you tried drinking again. This is encouragement for me 
And congratulations on losing weight and getting in shape. I know that does wonders for inner strenght.
And congratulations on losing weight and getting in shape. I know that does wonders for inner strenght.
member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,433
Shelly, I can relate to your experience. After I stopped drinking heavily - and several months of sobriety - I went through a phase where I drank moderately. Though controlling it was relatively easy for me, I eventually realised that I was better off without drinking at all.
Alcohol is poison, as far as I'm concerned. Even "casual" drinking (i.e. killing brain cells by the million, among other niceties) made me feel terrible - anxious, horribly depressed and sick. I'm much happier with ongoing sobriety
Also, as I'm sure more members will point out, the general consensus is that moderation is, at the very least, an extremely dangerous behaviour for someone who was addicted to alcohol.
So congrats on restarting to sobriety Good call, and good riddance.
Alcohol is poison, as far as I'm concerned. Even "casual" drinking (i.e. killing brain cells by the million, among other niceties) made me feel terrible - anxious, horribly depressed and sick. I'm much happier with ongoing sobriety
Also, as I'm sure more members will point out, the general consensus is that moderation is, at the very least, an extremely dangerous behaviour for someone who was addicted to alcohol.
So congrats on restarting to sobriety
Good call, and good riddance. Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
I can relate to what you mean about not wanting to cloud your mind with any chemicals, that's how I now feel, however I never liked only ever having 1 or 2 drinks as it just really p*ssed me off and I would rather be sober than have 2 drinks in me, for me drinking was only ever as good as how much I had waiting to be consumed, I could never reach a plateau on booze where I could just put it down and enjoy the inebriation for a while, It's the only drug I have ever taken like that, even Cocaine I would have a period of about 30 minutes where I could leave it alone and just feel the plateau, with booze it was continual drinking and then memory loss and wake up and repeat, very dangerous, I often wonder how I never got killed or seriously injured when I think of some of the places I woke up ie - next to railway lines, traffic Islands, random houses, police cells, ah the joys!!
Welcome back to SR.
Welcome back to SR.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by shelly009 
Oh and another thing I hate about drinking that it seems as soon as you have a drink, even if its only 1 or 2, your whole night is ruined...
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome back Shelly
yeah get back on board the abstinence train - it's where all the cool ppl hang out
I was definitely an anxiety drinker - I'd drink, feel awful, then have to drink again to stop felling awful - it's not a cycle anyone wants to get into, or back into.
D
yeah get back on board the abstinence train - it's where all the cool ppl hang out
I was definitely an anxiety drinker - I'd drink, feel awful, then have to drink again to stop felling awful - it's not a cycle anyone wants to get into, or back into.
D
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,262
Welcome back, Shelly! I have come to the same conclusion, though it took me a little while!
To me, I feel like I have an "allergy" to alcohol. Even if I have 2 glasses of wine I don't sleep very well. Feel kind of lousy, etc. After all, it is a depressant!!!
We don't need it to feel good. In fact, it has the exact opposite effect over time. I hope you stick around and post here. We have an awesome August recovery group always looking for new members!!!
Laura
p.s. Just on Day 3 for me, but no question it was the right decision.
To me, I feel like I have an "allergy" to alcohol. Even if I have 2 glasses of wine I don't sleep very well. Feel kind of lousy, etc. After all, it is a depressant!!!
We don't need it to feel good. In fact, it has the exact opposite effect over time. I hope you stick around and post here. We have an awesome August recovery group always looking for new members!!!
Laura
p.s. Just on Day 3 for me, but no question it was the right decision.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Glad to know you are getting back to health and sobriety.
Why not consider you have become allergic to alcohol?
Your brain and body are sending you messages.
Best wishes to you...
Why not consider you have become allergic to alcohol?
Your brain and body are sending you messages.
Best wishes to you...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 101
Shelly -
Thank you so much for your post. After a period of 30 + days of sobriety, I drank alcohol. I wasn't beating myself up for it, I wanted to see how I felt after a period of sobriety. And like you, I noticed how it effected my anxiety immediately. I felt the physical and emotional effects for days. My sleep patterns, my appetite.
It was so clear to me that abstinence is the only road for me. It's not about if I can have a drink or two, or not at all, It's about choosing a way of life that enables me to be vibrant and healthy. Happy to hear that you are back on track!
Thank you so much for your post. After a period of 30 + days of sobriety, I drank alcohol. I wasn't beating myself up for it, I wanted to see how I felt after a period of sobriety. And like you, I noticed how it effected my anxiety immediately. I felt the physical and emotional effects for days. My sleep patterns, my appetite.
It was so clear to me that abstinence is the only road for me. It's not about if I can have a drink or two, or not at all, It's about choosing a way of life that enables me to be vibrant and healthy. Happy to hear that you are back on track!
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,262
Great post, Smynthia!
After lots of analyzing and figuring things out for myself, I have decided that I am both of "those people."
I am the type of person that CAN go out and have 1 or 2 drinks and stop.
However, I am also the type of person that downs a whole bottle of wine in one night without realizing it, does stupid things, wakes up with bruises on my body the next day, etc. I have decided that it is helpful to look at myself as an alcoholic.
And even if I WAS the type of person that could drink 1-2 every night, I feel better, sleep better, and cope better without that drug in my system.
I think we are all on the same page here...
After lots of analyzing and figuring things out for myself, I have decided that I am both of "those people."
I am the type of person that CAN go out and have 1 or 2 drinks and stop.
However, I am also the type of person that downs a whole bottle of wine in one night without realizing it, does stupid things, wakes up with bruises on my body the next day, etc. I have decided that it is helpful to look at myself as an alcoholic.
And even if I WAS the type of person that could drink 1-2 every night, I feel better, sleep better, and cope better without that drug in my system.
I think we are all on the same page here...
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