What I've learned recently
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 53
What I've learned recently
I've known I'm an introvert for a while now but never bothered to find out what that really meant until about 2 weeks ago. It explains a lot. It isn't that I'm not a people person it's more to do with what I'm focusing on. If I have to focus on a person, their needs and what they need from me then I get tired quickly but if I can focus on an object, job or subject then I can be around people til the sun comes up. It's also difficult for me to accept attention.
I drank last night
I was so close to day three but I caved. I was in a very bad mood today because of it and took it out on a coworker. I didn't say anything to her but my attitude was obvious. I thought about it after I got home and I realized why I singled her out (there are more reasons than one for she and I having difficulties, there are always layers, but this is a big one). She was trying to give me attention. She could tell something was wrong and was making inderrect attempts at helping me. She's worked across from me for 4 years, maybe she knows what's up. I don't know. I was so locked up in my self absorbed, miserable mood all I see was someone who was trying to take more energy from me.
I hurt her feelings and I feel like sh!t for it. I'm going to make an effort to communicate better and be more conscious of others motivations and maybe even let someone help me once in a while.
The world don't revolve around me
I know I'm posting kind of a lot but I never talk much and I figure if something isn't working maybe it's time to switch things up. And hey, maybe my experiences will help someone. Thanks for reading
I drank last night
I was so close to day three but I caved. I was in a very bad mood today because of it and took it out on a coworker. I didn't say anything to her but my attitude was obvious. I thought about it after I got home and I realized why I singled her out (there are more reasons than one for she and I having difficulties, there are always layers, but this is a big one). She was trying to give me attention. She could tell something was wrong and was making inderrect attempts at helping me. She's worked across from me for 4 years, maybe she knows what's up. I don't know. I was so locked up in my self absorbed, miserable mood all I see was someone who was trying to take more energy from me.I hurt her feelings and I feel like sh!t for it. I'm going to make an effort to communicate better and be more conscious of others motivations and maybe even let someone help me once in a while.
The world don't revolve around me
I know I'm posting kind of a lot but I never talk much and I figure if something isn't working maybe it's time to switch things up. And hey, maybe my experiences will help someone. Thanks for reading
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,791
glad your still here and still wanting to quit, thats all we need the desire to quit.
Keep posting its a great way to get things out and get positive feedback.
Kevin
Keep posting its a great way to get things out and get positive feedback.
Kevin
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 89
"The world don't revolve around me."
Sometimes you should let it. You're worth the attention. I also have a hard time accepting help. Not only does it put you in a psuedo-spotlight, but there's a certain pressure to respond appropriately to meet whatever expectations this helping person is...well, expecting.
Maybe the fact that you're posting a lot is your need for an attention you never wanted to accept! Every human needs attention to varying degrees.
Just my little opinion.
Good luck on trying again. Day three is a hard hump to get over. You can do it though!
Sometimes you should let it. You're worth the attention. I also have a hard time accepting help. Not only does it put you in a psuedo-spotlight, but there's a certain pressure to respond appropriately to meet whatever expectations this helping person is...well, expecting.
Maybe the fact that you're posting a lot is your need for an attention you never wanted to accept! Every human needs attention to varying degrees.
Just my little opinion.
Good luck on trying again. Day three is a hard hump to get over. You can do it though!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
Hey Odd, I think you're doing great! I have to deal with the struggles I have with other people myself and it has nothing to do with them really, it's all me. The more I do the inner talking to myself and "inventory" my behavior the better I get.
You'll get there. Stay the path, keep doing the work and know that you can do this.
You'll get there. Stay the path, keep doing the work and know that you can do this.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
maybe even let someone help me once in a while.
I found that help in AA, I found that I needed the help of fellow alcoholics with experience, strength, & hope in staying sober. Basically in a nutshell I found alcoholics who were sober, not only sober but comfortable in thier own skins, they had a twinkle in thier eye and a smile on thier faces.......... They had what I wanted! They suggested that if I wanted what they had all I had to do was do what they did, they happily shared with me what they had done and were doing, they made suggestions to me that I was more then willing to follow.
In reality there was nothing complicated about it at all...... 12 simple steps for very complicated people.
The hard parts were swallowing my damn pride before it killed me and becoming willing to do what ever it took to stay sober and follow some simple suggestions.
I will tell you what some one told me in early sobriety, if you are willing to do what ever it takes to stay sober and follow some simple suggestions I never had to drink again unless I wanted to. I did not beleive that was possible, but they were doing it so I figured I would do what they did.
You never have to drink again........UNLESS YOU WANT TO.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 53
Thanks to everyone for your encouraging words, opinions and advice
I am happy to announce that I am on day 2. Slept through my alarm, was late for work, have a headache, my insides hurt, my eyes hurt, am having an allergy attack and my throat's swollen but I'm sober so I can handle it.
I thought about it last night and I think what Reese said was right on the money. I resist the attention only when I am required to interact. I also think I am posting as a substitute (stepping stone?) for the more intimate, give and take type. Trying to be sober is just one embarassing addmission after the other isn't it?
I have tried in the past to develope a deeper bond by the give and take but I usualy just come off as fake. The few times I have managed to be genuine I almost always make the other person uncomfortable. Maybe cause I express stuff they have no experience with or behave in a way they don't understand. So, after all that it's come back around to the same answer that keeps popping up over and over, I need to go to a meeting. Like Tazman was saying. We need people who've been there before. If I keep trying to do this on my own I'm going to get stuck and give up again.
It's funny, all this stuff has been occupying my thoughts for a while now and I happened to catch my reflection last night and it shocked me. I've been acting, playing a role for so long I was startled to see a "real" reflection of me, to catch myself in a "real" moment, or the closest it's been in a long time anyway. It caught me off guard.
I had another thought last night, it seems like, in my efforts to be sober, I'm hurting the people I care about even more than I did when I was drowning myself.
Thanks again everyone. It really is helping to write this stuff down. It's making me think harder about it than if I were just writing in a journal or something. It's so easy to lie to yourself when there isn't a possibility of anyone reading what you write.
I am happy to announce that I am on day 2. Slept through my alarm, was late for work, have a headache, my insides hurt, my eyes hurt, am having an allergy attack and my throat's swollen but I'm sober so I can handle it.
I thought about it last night and I think what Reese said was right on the money. I resist the attention only when I am required to interact. I also think I am posting as a substitute (stepping stone?) for the more intimate, give and take type. Trying to be sober is just one embarassing addmission after the other isn't it?
I have tried in the past to develope a deeper bond by the give and take but I usualy just come off as fake. The few times I have managed to be genuine I almost always make the other person uncomfortable. Maybe cause I express stuff they have no experience with or behave in a way they don't understand. So, after all that it's come back around to the same answer that keeps popping up over and over, I need to go to a meeting. Like Tazman was saying. We need people who've been there before. If I keep trying to do this on my own I'm going to get stuck and give up again.
It's funny, all this stuff has been occupying my thoughts for a while now and I happened to catch my reflection last night and it shocked me. I've been acting, playing a role for so long I was startled to see a "real" reflection of me, to catch myself in a "real" moment, or the closest it's been in a long time anyway. It caught me off guard.
I had another thought last night, it seems like, in my efforts to be sober, I'm hurting the people I care about even more than I did when I was drowning myself.
Thanks again everyone. It really is helping to write this stuff down. It's making me think harder about it than if I were just writing in a journal or something. It's so easy to lie to yourself when there isn't a possibility of anyone reading what you write.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
Originally Posted by OddSpot80 
It isn't that I'm not a people person it's more to do with what I'm focusing on. If I have to focus on a person, their needs and what they need from me then I get tired quickly but if I can focus on an object, job or subject then I can be around people til the sun comes up. It's also difficult for me to accept attention.
Keep up the good fight Odd. I love the name Odd, reminds me of the "Odd Thomas" books
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 89
"Maybe cause I express stuff they have no experience with"
This may be the case. I didn't know a thing about alcohol abuse until I binge drank every day, all day, for three months straight (working on day 4 of sobriety atm).
Not a clue I'd imagine. I guess that's why AA meetings are so powerful.
This may be the case. I didn't know a thing about alcohol abuse until I binge drank every day, all day, for three months straight (working on day 4 of sobriety atm).
Not a clue I'd imagine. I guess that's why AA meetings are so powerful.
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
A long time ago I had to learn ways to stop allowing other people to control my mind, my feelings, and ultimately my actions. It was a choice for me to allow them such power, and a total cop out from personal responsibility of my own thoughts and actions.
Welcome back, I hope you find something helpful for you here.
Welcome back, I hope you find something helpful for you here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 53
Hey Jam, it's alway nice to hear from another innie I'm glad it helped. I just learned this recently. I felt like I made a major step in the right when, well, first when I realized there's nothing wrong with being an introvert and, second, how to explain it without hurting people's feelings
I'm glad it helped. I just learned this recently. I felt like I made a major step in the right when, well, first when I realized there's nothing wrong with being an introvert and, second, how to explain it without hurting people's feelings Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 53
Smacked, ug, I know. My instant reaction is to blame that person for 'making' me feel that way (I think that's what you're talking about anyway). So silly.
Reese, I read something by Anna. She said at the beginning of her sobriety she tried to share what she was going through with her friends/family and they didn't want to hear it. They just wanted her to get better. That definitely meant something to me especially since I feel like I'm hurting people more now then I did when I was getting wasted every night.
Reese, I read something by Anna. She said at the beginning of her sobriety she tried to share what she was going through with her friends/family and they didn't want to hear it. They just wanted her to get better. That definitely meant something to me especially since I feel like I'm hurting people more now then I did when I was getting wasted every night.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 89
Yeah, I read that too. I think it's too complicated for most people to understand. Or they believe in some amorphous reputation of "drunks," whatever that may mean to them. My family didn't have a clue. Luckily they are attentative and always listen when I want to express something.
I think if you start a conversation very bluntly and say "I drink because of this (insert specific reason)," they will become receptive. The hard part for a lot of people I think is that they're not quite sure what that specific reason is, or it's so many different reasons that it's hard to nail them down. But I think if one addresses the largest underlying issue, everything else kind of falls into place.
I think if you start a conversation very bluntly and say "I drink because of this (insert specific reason)," they will become receptive. The hard part for a lot of people I think is that they're not quite sure what that specific reason is, or it's so many different reasons that it's hard to nail them down. But I think if one addresses the largest underlying issue, everything else kind of falls into place.
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