Did I mention my oldest son is also an alcoholic?
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: back from the brink
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Did I mention my oldest son is also an alcoholic?
He's not someone I talk about. Matter of fact, I am ashamed of him.
He's 25. Was a troubled teenager. Experimented with drugs, dropped out of school, but later finished with a GED. Was a brite boy, did well in school all through grade school, middle school. When he became a teen, at 14 he started to head down the wrong path. He hated his father (the alcoholic) and rebelled to the maximum. I tried to hold it together, but couldn't.
We've been estranged for several years, then he started to come around again, after I separated from his father. It wasn't until we'd spent time together did I realize he was headed down the same path as his father, perhaps at a faster pace. It is one thing to have a spouse that you are bound to become a drunk, but to have one of your children take that path - it is much more painful to witness. Luckily for my son, I do not enable him at all. I don't rescue him, baby him or advise him.
Today he showed up with two friends. He was drunk as a skunk. He got on the 4-wheeler that he has parked in my garage, and tore off into the fields. All I could imagine was him breaking his neck and becoming paralized. So, when he came back to the yard, I took the key. He was furious. I just walked away and went into the house. He followed and began berating me, and threatened to "call the cops". To which I replied "go ahead."
Well, he did call the police. Three squad cars came up the driveway. He stood outside and told them his story. I had confiscated his property and he wanted me arrested. Ha. If it wasn't so sad, it would be funny.
One of the officers spoke with me and it was clear to them just why I had taken the keys away. So, I didn't get arrested. Meanwhile my son's friends had left him here... they didn't want any part of the drama. So he was stuck here with me. GREAT! One of the officers ask me if I was going to allow him to stay here, to which I said NO. So, they let him walk to the road, where they promptly arrested him for public drunkeness.
He called me from the back of the squad car on his way to the jail. Of course I am the nutcase, and it is all my fault. Or so it is the way his feeble mind sees it.
I know better. I know not to enable him. I will take the opposite direction and distance myself from him. I cannot let him infect my life, I just got one alk out of my life - his father.
My son knows I love him. I make a point of telling him. He knows my position. He knows his fathers history.
This is one VERY POWERFUL mental illness. Right now, the score in my family is 50/50. I do hope for a victory for my son, but I'm not a willing spectator.
He's 25. Was a troubled teenager. Experimented with drugs, dropped out of school, but later finished with a GED. Was a brite boy, did well in school all through grade school, middle school. When he became a teen, at 14 he started to head down the wrong path. He hated his father (the alcoholic) and rebelled to the maximum. I tried to hold it together, but couldn't.
We've been estranged for several years, then he started to come around again, after I separated from his father. It wasn't until we'd spent time together did I realize he was headed down the same path as his father, perhaps at a faster pace. It is one thing to have a spouse that you are bound to become a drunk, but to have one of your children take that path - it is much more painful to witness. Luckily for my son, I do not enable him at all. I don't rescue him, baby him or advise him.
Today he showed up with two friends. He was drunk as a skunk. He got on the 4-wheeler that he has parked in my garage, and tore off into the fields. All I could imagine was him breaking his neck and becoming paralized. So, when he came back to the yard, I took the key. He was furious. I just walked away and went into the house. He followed and began berating me, and threatened to "call the cops". To which I replied "go ahead."
Well, he did call the police. Three squad cars came up the driveway. He stood outside and told them his story. I had confiscated his property and he wanted me arrested. Ha. If it wasn't so sad, it would be funny.
One of the officers spoke with me and it was clear to them just why I had taken the keys away. So, I didn't get arrested. Meanwhile my son's friends had left him here... they didn't want any part of the drama. So he was stuck here with me. GREAT! One of the officers ask me if I was going to allow him to stay here, to which I said NO. So, they let him walk to the road, where they promptly arrested him for public drunkeness.
He called me from the back of the squad car on his way to the jail. Of course I am the nutcase, and it is all my fault. Or so it is the way his feeble mind sees it.
I know better. I know not to enable him. I will take the opposite direction and distance myself from him. I cannot let him infect my life, I just got one alk out of my life - his father.
My son knows I love him. I make a point of telling him. He knows my position. He knows his fathers history.
This is one VERY POWERFUL mental illness. Right now, the score in my family is 50/50. I do hope for a victory for my son, but I'm not a willing spectator.
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
You should feel no shame. You are a strong woman!! I am overwhelmed by your awareness of his addiction and your insistence in saving yourself and giving him the chance to reach his bottom. I wish it comes soon and softly.
Thank you for posting!!
Alice
Thank you for posting!!
Alice
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: back from the brink
Posts: 457
This is "tough stuff"... sometimes I feel overwhelmed by it, as does my younger son. Fortunately, he has found a healthy way to rise above it. He writes about it. He pours out his feelings with his verses. He's the other half of my family that is in the healthy "50%" with me. You can listen to one of his songs on his myspace page (I hope it is OK to state that here.. if not, remove it.) Enable Mind on MySpace Music - Free Streaming MP3s, Pictures & Music Downloads. Listen to "My Past". Listen carefully. He writes from real life experience. You'll hear the voice of a child of an alcoholic.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Trying - your son (enable mind) has found an amazing way to tell his story - to let it all out-- although, as a daughter of an alcoholic father I know you can "let things go" but they are never really compeletely gone - your past stays a part of you- for good or ill...at some point I realized I had a choice -- to let my past become an excuse and let it destroy me or to defy it and choose to go after the kind of life i want to live, even though it can be a daily struggle sometimes with "my past!"....with his poems and voice your son's past is pusheing him to this amazing creativity, and original expression...that is a beautiful thing. thanks, it was so good to listen to that!
peace,
b
peace,
b
I grew my wings to fly...
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: STATE OF CONTENTMENT
Posts: 289
Trying.. I am right there with you. My oldest son is an alcoholic. I am not as strong as you at this point. He called me last night ......oppsss.. I mean 3:30 this morning asking for a ride. I asked him why don't he just crash on the couch at his Dad's and he said no he had to get home to his family. (they finally moved out of here, thank god) If I didn't pick him up he was going to ride a bicycle 25 miles to his house. I got up and went and got him. I started to talk to him about his drinking and remembered that he don't remember anything while he is drinking so there wasn't any point in talking. (he is 23).
The whole time I was driving to pick him up I thought about how co-dependent I still am and how I want to remove myself from this area to gain a peace of mind.
You, on the other hand, did the right thing by standing strong.
The whole time I was driving to pick him up I thought about how co-dependent I still am and how I want to remove myself from this area to gain a peace of mind.
You, on the other hand, did the right thing by standing strong.
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