MeHandle

GiveLove wrote a wonderful post a few weeks back about her childhood that made me want to share this.

I titled it "Mentors for the Opposite Sex " because its focus is to get mentors for the children who are of the opposite sex of the functioning parent.( I just didn't want this to be a 'woman' thing. I want the fathers here to be encouraged too.)

I have 4 children. My daughter is out and married and then I have 3 sons who are 15,17 and one just turned 20 the other day.

While talking about our family dynamic my daughter and oldest son shared with me how from their perspective I was really both mother and father to them. When they said this lots started to click in my head and I realized they were right, from their perspective I was mother and father to them. Among may of the clicks was," Well, I might have tried to fill the gaps but I know it cannot be done. Their is not enough time to do both and I am not a man!"


My father was an A, however, my mother did me the favor of divorcing him when I was very young so I grew up really as a child absent of a father then the child of an alcoholic. Knowing what i had to learn the hard way and what was missing from my life because of the lack of an intimate male influence I knew how important it was for children to have a "good" father. Having grown up without the perspective of an intimate male, or very limited, I often just viewed giving my kids all that they need as a parent's responsibility , and if my husband wasn't gonna do his part then I had to pic up the slack and present it as 'fatherly' as possible. ( Of course impossible but i was going to give it my best shot.:-)

Well, I am not a man and I just can't be one!! I also realize it is not the same to a child when a mother takes on the fathering role too, instead of getting what they need from a father. And of course, if one is busy being both they are not doing the one they were meant to do at its greatest potential. So they also lost some of their mother too. Now, I know that no one can give the fathering my sons missed and that was stolen from them because of alcohol abuse. However, they can receive the mentorship and example of a godly man who wants to invest time in their lives as an example of male leadership in a family, and a healthly life daily and in the world in general.

So I have started to pray and invest time into asking for male mentors who would be a match for my sons. ( For the 20 year old it was a discussion and choice, for the other 2 , no choice but they liked the idea.:-) Anyway, it is one down, one in the works and one to go. The 17 year old has a godly male mentor.

After I read GiveLoves story I just felt lead to share this So her it is.

As I was driving and thinking about writing this post ( a few weeks ago :-) it came to me all of a sudden that my boys really lacked almost all natural male family influence. They have no grandfathers, and no uncles in their life. I had my grandfather and my uncle, limited but still made sure to be a part of my life. When this came to mind i knew this was essential for them and that I was following the path God had laid out before me.

In this process it is just another weight that was wonderfully lifted off my shoulders, knowing that God can provide the human male influence that my sons need if I would just surrender it into His hands. It was actually a very simple process: I recognized that my kids really didn't have the healthy male influence that enhances ones life, admitted i was really trying to be father and mother and that I could never fill that void, (being female :-) nor do I have the time or energy to even make a good attempt.


Here is a wonderful song I just want to share with anyone who has been a daughter or a man. :-) ( that should cover everyone :-) It is a great mentoring song the recently came out. I wish I would have had a father or male in my life that had covered this with me as a child. It is also worth share with adult woman :-) After this is a 2nd: YouTube - More Beautiful You- Official Music Video

!!!!! I listen to these on Loud!!!!!


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Jonny Diaz - More Beautiful You
From the album More Beautiful You

Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn't straight
her body isn't fake And she's always felt overweight

Well little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care
your skin your body your hair
Are perfect just the way you are

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

Little girl twenty-one the things that you've already done Anything to get ahead
And you say you've got a man but he's got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead

Well little girl twenty-one you never thought that this would come You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there's a man whose love is true
And he'll treat you like the jewel that you are

Chorus
So turn around you're not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It's not too late you can be saved

If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forgets
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the one who's strong can right your wrongs

Can rid your fears dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with his light he will show you truth
And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl

And then here is just a wonderful mentoring song:YouTube - Find Your Wings - Mark Harris

Mark Harris - Find Your Wings
From the album The Line Between The Two

It's only for a moment you are mine to hold
The plans that heaven has for you
Will all too soon unfold
So many different prayers I'll pray
For all that you might do
But most of all I'll want to know
You're walking in the truth
And If I never told you
I want you to know
As I watch you grow

Chorus:
I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things
I'm here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings

May passion be the wind
That leads you through your days
And may conviction keep you strong
Guide you on your way
May there be many moments
That make your life so sweet
Oh, but more than memories

Chorus:

It's not living if you don't reach for the sky
I'll have tears as you take off
But I'll cheer as you fly

love tammy

coyote21

Good songs and good thoughts MeHandle. I've had similar thoughts, prayers for LMC. No matter how good a dad I ever become, I still can't model how to be a woman for her.

I too have realized I have to turn it over to HP. And you know so far HP is doing great. We have all manner of wonderful loving women in our lives, our wonderful college age nanny just came over to visit and brought LMC her belated birthday present, a book of silly poems that she (nanny) got/loved when she was 8.

We have the ladies at church, we have one special lady from our meetings, she has LMC over to bake stuff, and has sleep overs, has given LMC actual books, not copies, from when she was a little girl. I also plan to sign her up for A Big Sister this year.

God has sent us some wonderful people. I think we're all gonna be O.K. MeHandle!

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote