mermaidgirl

I've posted on this site before, so excuse me for not going into my particular history, but in a nutshell-I am married to a recovering alcoholic and his son is a recovering addict as well. I didn't know of any of this at the time of our marriage...7 years ago-today.

Why am I sitting alone on my 7th annniversary? Not sure...except that this disease is destructive, demeaning and hurtful. My husband ran his checking account into the ground (again) and just cannot seem to understand why I would be the slightest bit angry. He is trying to find a job-and I have supported his endeavors-never ever demanded anything but honesty from him, but this is too much of a burden for him. And-lest we forget-I don't understand as I am reminded by him on a regular basis. His claim is he is working on his anger and has made an appointment to go back into counseling and why, oh why can't I see that he is employing more empathy in his day-to-day living?

But, I took care of myself today. I took the day off-thinking we would do something anniversary-like; but nothing but arguments. I took myself to a movie-alone. I got caught up on things I didn't think I would be able to have time for-I suppose this is the upside.

Unfortunately, today none of the slogans are working for me, but I suppose we all have days like that, no? Thanks for listening!!

Still Waters

Sounds like a pretty lonely place to be mermaid I'm sorry to hear it.

How long has he been recovering?

mermaidgirl

He has been in recovery for 5 years. I guess I need to embrace the slogan Let Go and Let God...he is severely depressed over the work situation, but has also made some poor choices in that area. Nonetheless, I support him emotionally, and financially. I do what I can to stay healthy but the reality is-here I am alone on the evening of our 7th Anniversary with my two pooches!

Still Waters

Some people are just inconsiderate jerks, drinking or not.

Have you put any thought to what you'll do if this never gets any better?

mermaidgirl

Yes, I have. Like everything-it's complicated. To be quite honest-it is really hard for me to kick someone out in an economy like this and sleep at night. On the other hand-enough is enough. When the two meet in the middle will be my decision. Just during the time I posted last, he received a call for an interview-still no word from him. Have no idea where he is.

Cowgirl1265

That was my thought too.

I have been in the position of supporting someone financially who treated me badly. I felt that gave me the right to try to control his behaviour, his decisions, his interactions with me. That set me up for a lot of pain, since he was never going to live up to my ideas of how he should behave and treat me. Once I was ready to see his poor treatment of me as a) outside of my control and b) his way of showing me how he felt I deserved to be treated it was easier to make the decision to no longer support him by allowing him to live in my home.

Its making a world of difference in my outlook on life and my sanity.

Freedom1990

I remember sitting at home on my first wedding anniversary alone (my AH at the time was off on one of his drug runs again). A good friend of mine called and said she and her husband were going to take me out for a steak supper, and 'no' was not an option for me. She knew we had been having major problems, and that it was our 1st anniversary. I will never forget that kindness. I actually had a good time with them and forgot the pain for awhile.

I'm sorry you're hurting. :ghug2 :ghug2

mermaidgirl

Thank you ALL for your support...he showed up around 1am. I went to bed after 10 and realized he might not come home. We exchanged a few words this morning-but he is a deep depression because of no work and he think I will be better off without him. I said funny how when I say I won't accept your running your account into the red-I would be happier without him? I said fine-leave the keys on the counter and hope you find a good shelter to take you in. Bottom line is he isn't interested in getting better-no job is going to work that much magic.

I'm sad about it all, but I will not allow to be stepped on any more. He has an interview today. For his sake-hope it works out.

Cowgirl1265

That's the kind of woe-is-me response I just cant' stand. My mentally ill husband does the same kind of thing. I bring up something that's an issue and his response is "I cant' do anything right." Its horribly twisted and serves only to suck you into an argument you are set up to lose. In the week plus since he moved out, I haven't had that argument once. At least, not with myself.

mermaidgirl

:day6:day6All-

Feedback and follow-up helps me tremendously on this site. I like to hear the dilemnas; but I also like to hear the rest of the story, so here is mine.

My husband appeared at 1am-was sitting in his for the better part of 10+hours on our anniversary. Yesterday-he felt horrible-self loathing, etc. But here is my personal aha...I was alright. I know that I can't leave my house and run away. I know that I need to get up the next day, come to my job which I love, pay the mortgage, feed the dogs and I derive great joy in living. I'm not responsible for his pity part nor did I feel unnecessarily pulled into it this time. Yes, I was sad, but that is a normal feeling and emotion. The difference is I didn't want to fix him or the situation-I left it alone. Maybe this is his "bottom"; maybe not. I love the part I know is him-and I know that will never change and by taking care of me-I don't have to take care of him in an unhealthy way.

He feels like a fool-but that's alright. I don't and I know it is up to him to pull himself out of this thinking. I know he can do it if he wants to and if he doesn't, then I am finally getting healthy enough not to enable and be the old codie I once was.

Have a good day everyone!