Staying focused???
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 45
Staying focused???
As you know, my counselor had to cancel our appointment last Tuesday. I think we will be meeting tomorrow, but haven't talked to him yet.
I find myself pusing all those feelings down again. We actually had a decent weekend. He drank just as much, but he didn't fight me when I asked him to do something with the family. He was actually nice about it. It was a whole new side of him. I don't know if he suspects something, but he was really nice and helped with the kids and house and actually seemed to enjoy spendign time with us.
So with that being said. Again, how do you confront all this mess when there are times that can be so good?
I don't know. This is all just so hard. It is so easy to just ignore the problems when you have good weekends with them.
One other thing, one of my good friends basically told me today that she couldn't be my friend if I don't change things for myself.
I am not sure how I feel about that. Any thoughts?
I find myself pusing all those feelings down again. We actually had a decent weekend. He drank just as much, but he didn't fight me when I asked him to do something with the family. He was actually nice about it. It was a whole new side of him. I don't know if he suspects something, but he was really nice and helped with the kids and house and actually seemed to enjoy spendign time with us.
So with that being said. Again, how do you confront all this mess when there are times that can be so good?
I don't know. This is all just so hard. It is so easy to just ignore the problems when you have good weekends with them.
One other thing, one of my good friends basically told me today that she couldn't be my friend if I don't change things for myself.
I am not sure how I feel about that. Any thoughts?
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
For me, I concentrated on the good times, and tried to ignore the bad ones. Until the bad was all I had. And now I realize that I allowed the abuse to go on, while I was waiting for it all to get better.
Just keep your eyes and mind open CAAW, that's all any of us can do.
As for your friend: that is controlling behavior. It's not up to her when and how you make changes. It might be that it distresses her to see you so unhappy, and she feels that you aren't doing what she thinks you should - and she has decided she needs some distance. Nothing wrong with that, but it sounds to me like she's attempting to manipulate the situation and that's not good.
Just keep your eyes and mind open CAAW, that's all any of us can do.
As for your friend: that is controlling behavior. It's not up to her when and how you make changes. It might be that it distresses her to see you so unhappy, and she feels that you aren't doing what she thinks you should - and she has decided she needs some distance. Nothing wrong with that, but it sounds to me like she's attempting to manipulate the situation and that's not good.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 273
I don't know if I view the friends behavior as controlling.
Maybe she is setting her own boundaries and just telling you what they are?
I have a friend who couldn't speak about a certain issue that effected both of our lives. (Neither of us "caused" the issue we ere both just in the path) I needed to talk about it to process it. It was no one's fault and no one was "right" we just had different needs.
I completely understood her need to be free of it and we just "agreed" to not spend much time together until we were both in a more neutral place. We did however contact each other regularly just to say 'I'm thinking of you"
It really worked for us and allowed us to keep our friendship through a trying time.
Maybe she is setting her own boundaries and just telling you what they are?
I have a friend who couldn't speak about a certain issue that effected both of our lives. (Neither of us "caused" the issue we ere both just in the path) I needed to talk about it to process it. It was no one's fault and no one was "right" we just had different needs.
I completely understood her need to be free of it and we just "agreed" to not spend much time together until we were both in a more neutral place. We did however contact each other regularly just to say 'I'm thinking of you"
It really worked for us and allowed us to keep our friendship through a trying time.
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