Catfish83

Just poured out my last little bit of whiskey that I had in the kitchen. I feel like absolute garbage and I have no idea how I am going to sleep tonight. I have a pretty bad case of the shakes and I have not eaten very well the passed few days. Just got done with a two-day binge. I was drinking every day. But, more than usual for the last two. I want to beat this so bad. On days like today, I just feel like I am always going to lose this battle. I am doing my best but it just isn't good enough.

tigers13

Believe in yourself catfish. Instead of convincing yourself that you can't, tell yourself you can...even if it's 100 times a day. Remember how you're feeling...is this what you want for the rest of your life?

Reach out like you are now. I went thru the detoxes and the treatment centers. I felt like giving up so many times, but now at around 5yrs and 10 months clean, I know I have the choice every single day to say "just for today, I will not drink".

If you need someone to talk to about different options, or want to know how I finally did it, please don't hesitate to PM me. :ghug3

Catfish83

How did you do it?

Surlyredhead

Never quit quitting!! I don't know anyone who beat this on the first try, but I do know a lot of people with substantial clean/sober time, all because they refused to quit quitting!! Tonight probably will be difficult, but it will get better, and you never have to feel that way again!

Cathy

Catfish83

This just sucks so bad. Why the hell have I been through this before and I knew how bad it was. Now I am putting myself through it again!! AHHHH!! Booooo!!!

tigers13

After 4 detoxes and three treatment centers, it was only the last one that I finally "got it". I'm one of those people that feels like I should be strong enough that I could control my drinking. It took almost a year before I finally realized that I couldn't control it, it was controling me. I knew with the amount I was drinking, I was going to end up dead...I didn't want to die. I decided to put my all into getting clean and after 33 days inpatient, I did the 90 in 90 meetings. I think the most important thing for me was having someone to talk to BEFORE I took that first drink. It somehow deflates the urge to a more tolerable level, and it's good to have someone to be accountable to.

I also protected myself by not putting myself into drinking situations. If I was invited to something, I always asked if booze was going to be there, if it was, I kindly refused the invitation. I did, and still do, use the bounce technique with my eyes...if I saw booze or a display of it, I have trained myself to quickly divert my eyes so I don't start drooling for it and it doesn't get to be a a focus/obsession.

I hope this helps!! :ghug3

penny74

Cat, enough is enough..
Know how hard it is.
Others did it and so can you..
l wish you strength to get through this and hope you will never have to go through it again. The world will look different in a week !!
Think of how glad you will be then !!

Sometimes it is better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness.
Terry Pratchett

CarolD

AA is my solution for living without alcohol
and enjoying a fantastic new life......

Why not call your local AA and ask for assistance?
You can find understanding nd suport at AA meetings.

Yes! you too can win over alcohol!
.

tommyk

There's always AA when there seems to be no other way.

sickofthewaste

Hey fishy I relate thousandfold. You know how it feels after a week sober and then a month sober. Try to keep hold of that. The trouble for me has been I feel so good I think I can handle a little drink. Yeah the voice convinces me so easily it will be okay but it isn't.

keen2bclean

That's my problem sickofthewaste...when I get to feel better, like I'm starting to now..I feel in control and think I can handle just a couple of beers...and maybe just that day I will...but it wont be long before I'm drinking more than that and suffering with all the anxiety attacks in the night...the blackouts etc etc....ffs why does it have to be so freakin addictive and feel so good at the time....why isnt there something out there that gives you the same buzz that doesnt fook u over....there's always a price hey...some might the say the buzz is 'real life' out there without the haze...but life fooks u over too...but then it isnt any better for pickin up that drink at the end of the day...just for that short moment it damn well feels like it....

Catfish83

Sorry to be in and out guys. I posted once when I quit drinking and then stopped visiting the site because I was doing so well. I had not had a drink in about 7 months when I went on vacation. Last weekend I drank to the point of blacking out and actually drove myself home. I remember bits and pieces of what happened but am feeling like pretty much the planet's biggest ****head. I could have hurt myself or even worse, someone else. Just feeling very guilty about the whole thing and didn't know what else to do....

scoob

Start over.

NewMe11109

Catfish - you now know something that doesn't work. Don't beat yourself up, just begin again.

It sounds like you were trying to abstain without a program of recovery. For most of us, this did not work. This disease is very cunning, baffling, and powerful. You can't do it alone and you can't (IMO) do it without a program of recovery. AA and SR has worked well for me, but I am reminded frequently that I am still sick and can't get complacent.

You can do this. No permanent harm done last week, but the next time will be worse. This disease only stops when it has killed us.

smacked

Maybe now try something different to help yourself in recovery.. I couldn't do it alone either.