Catfish83

Hello all,

First I want to say I am sorry for disappearing. I was brand new to the forum in the beginning of July and had high hopes. This is my first post in over six weeks. You all know where I have been and what I have been doing. I get so pissed off wondering why I am wired the way I am. My friends can go out and have a few drinks and have a good time. Me? Not so much. I had such a hard night of drinking last night that I woke up with some of the worst shakes I have ever had.
My girlfriend came over and for the first part of the day we had such a great relaxed time. I don't get to spend nearly as much time with her as I would like to. The later part of the day, unfortunately, I don't remember. I drank almost an entire bottle of Bacardi from 10am till whenever I blacked out. I woke up at about 3am with the shakes. They were so bad that I couldn't sleep. She felt the bed shaking too. I got up and paced around the house until 7am or so when she woke up. When she woke up I just wanted to ask her what happened last night. But, I didn't for fear that I had done something humiliating. I still had the shakes very badly after she went to work this morning. I was supposed to go to work but I called in sick. Still had the shakes. The only thing that could cure me, was another drink. I am ashamed to admit, but I have a drink in my hand right now. Like I said, it was the only thing that could cure me. Why am I like this? I am so tired of this! Why me? Why us? I swear to you all I am a good person. But for some reason alcohol completely controls me and I am so ******* tired of it. What do I do? :sorry

Wolfchild

i don't know why you are like this.
i drank without being able to stop because i am an alcoholic.
i don't know why you or why us.
i used to think God really didn't like me until i learned different.
i don't know what you should do.
i knew i had a problem and sought help in the A.A. fellowship.

i would suggest that you see a medical professional
about what you have said that you are experiencing.
You may want to consider going to a detox facility
if you have a desire to stop drinking and get sober.

Welcome back & good luck with whatever you choose to do.

Dee74

I spent ten years asking why me, Catfish.
In the end IMO it becomes just another reason to hold off doing something.
It doesn't matter why me - it only matters what I do about it now.

I advise you to stop drinking - you have to face not drinking sometime if you want your life to change - may as well be now.

With the shakes you're getting I think it advisable to detox under medical supervision, so please see a doctor - walk into the ER if you haven't got a Dr.

It's been a while - I can't remember if you tried any face to face programmes or not - I'd recommend looking into something whether it be AA or some other recovery programme or some form of counselling....

Here a link to a lot of recovery programmes. Apologies if you got this from me before
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html

Speak with your gf - if she doesnt know absolutely everything thats been going on, I'd tell her. My partners support has been vital for me.

And use us.

Use us a lot...read here, post here, chat here, instead of giving in to the drinking urge. Join the Class of August thread.

This can be your last drink if you want it to be, Catfish
D

Tosh

Catfish,

I remember that the position you're in now well; it's like a ruddy vicious circle you just can't break and the alcohol has stopped working for you and you just feel like death, and at least 20 years older than you really are.

I tried all sorts of ways to stop or manage my alcoholism. I tried to taper off, but I just tapered back on, had therepy, saw my doctor, tried to only drink beer; tried to limit how much beer I drank, but invariably I always ended up back on my ass.

I also remember waking up from a black out many times and also being too frightened/humiliated to ask if I'd behaved or not. I'd try to gauge how my behavior was from my wife's behavior.

It's bad, I know. But the only thing that worked for me in the end was AA. Within two months of not drinking, attending AA and working the programme I noticed one day that my obsession with alcohol had just disapeared. I kid you not. There is a solution, and it's in AA. It really does work!

vegibean

I hear people call themselves grateful alcoholics all the time. I don't know so much about the being alcoholic part but rather the part about being grateful for where my life is at, the fact that I'm not suffering any more, I don't get the shakes, I don't have to call into work sick, I don't worry about what people think any more and I definitely don't have to worry about what I did the night before. My life is all mine.

I hope that when you are ready you'll find a place that will help you detox safely. Sounds like you've got it bad.

And last thing, and not meant to make you feel bad but I have to say that I'm grateful that I'm not in your shoes today Catfish. Keep posting, keep coming back, you have tons of support here. We've all been there!! You can do this!!!! My best.

Anna

Catfish,

I think that shame and guilt are a big part of addiction. And, it's the part that keeps us actively involved in it. It was such a vicious circle for me, I had no idea how to stop it. Just take one step, do one thing differently. Talk to your dr, don't drink today and don't let yourself get overwhelmed with the 'forever' idea.

You can do this!

tommyk

I think maybe we all 'used to go out and have a few drinks'.

But then it became a few more.

And then it became uncontrollable.

I comfort myself in knowing that I had many very good years of social drinking, and it was fun.

But there came a point when that 'fun' wasn't achievable anymore, it took too much alcohol to satisfy me.

So I ask sometimes, "Why me... why can't I drink like everyone else?"

And the answer is, "You had your fun with alcohol... it is time to stop now."

Move on with life.

Tosh

This is a funny thing that I've been thinking about. I am grateful that I'm an alcoholic because that made me do the AA programme which I think is great for everyone who does it; alcoholic or not.

It's a programme designed to give you a happier and more contented life, if you apply the principles, and it really has very little to do with alcohol or whatever your adiction is.

If you notice that alcohol is only mentioned once in the steps, in the first one; I noticed that straight off when I first read them and I remember thinking 'what a load of rubbish that is'; little did I know!

Goat

Wow, you described my last few days quite well. My very tolerant, understanding, and way too good for me girlfriend came over and I was passed out from rum and beer by the early afternoon. Yesterday I had the shakes badly.... I too woke up at 3 and paced until about 7.

I feel somewhat better today. I also had that glass out and ready to go, because I knew it was a quick path to feeling better. But I also knew that it would only prolong the hangover, and I wanted the poison out of me! So I poured that glass in the sink. I am hoping you did the same, but if not, well, the past is the past!

Good luck to us both! I have done this enough times and I don't want to do it anymore

-Goat

Boleo

It is not a "cure" to drink to avoid the DT's. It is only a temporary kludge.

The thing to do" is detox safely and work some kind of a daily program of action. If you don't like AA look for alternatives at:

SoberRecovery - Drug Treatment

CarolD

You have not truly failed until you give up on yourself.
I too had false starts before I found solid recovery. in AA.

You already have red flags waveing at you for attention....
Missing work...blackouts...withdrawal symptoms ...all signs of danger.

Hope you find your way into a positive productive life

Dee74

hiya goat
welcome to SR

D

Catfish83

Still feel like crap. Drank all day. Called in sick two days now

Kjell

Hi Catfish - don't give up and don't stop trying.

I had another horrible weekend and my family has told me they don't want me around until I get sober. I too called in to work on Saturday (though I did make it in today for a few hours).

I'm scared to death about what Monday is going to bring, BUT I'm not giving up. Let's do this together.