ElegantlyWasted

Opinions Please. Not sure what to do. I want to tell her we need a break.

Girlfriend Freaking out on me. She is currently starting a new business. Her ex's 1 year death anniversary was Mon. Claims she is just stressed... I have been sober for just over three weeks. Previously we enabled each others drinking. She still drinks to the point of being stupid/ passing out several times a week. She say she is cool w/ me not drinking and gives me no pressure to do so. My instinct is to categorize her as a "problem drinker" as she still functions on a very high level as far as her personal and professional obligations.

Played tennis with a friend who is a girl the other night, GF calls while I am playing tennis leaves various texts and VM accusing me of cheating. She can act a little possessive and I did lie to her about playing with a female friend (as she is obsessive about any contact I have with other females, I considered it a harmless white lie) in the past, which I should not have done. I know now she just needs to get over it.

Spoke to her after playing tennis; as she was wasted, mean, and nothing I said mattered.

Got up this morning to go bike riding and she had followed me to my apartment after accusing me of leaving early to go have an affair with someone. I think I am in love with this girl, yet have concerns about her behavior. For the most part I think we have a solid relationship, but this seems to be a recurring pattern even without the added stressors.

What's your take??? Thanks in advance

smacked

whoa... yes.. a break!

When I sobered up, I realized rather quickly how many toxic people I had allowed to stay in my life, mostly because I was one of them.

I had to find new people to hang with, and find mutual interests with. "new playmates and playgrounds" as it's often said.

She's cool with you not drinking?? Why wouldn't she be. Are you cool with hers? if so, don't read anymore.

If I want to stay sober, i would not be able to become involved with a heavy drinker, drinker, alcoholic, problem drinker, whatever you want to throw out there. I don't have room in my life for people that could ever be a threat to my sobriety or emotional stability.

I would hate to see you here, in 5 years.. still sober.. in the friends and family of alcoholics section wondering where the past 5 years went and how to help your alcoholic spouse. I say that because I read it.. over and over and over.

This might be a very good time in your life to find the parts of your life that need to be changed. The only people I allow in my life, enhance my life. They are never a threat to my wellbeing in any way. That really isn't much to ask of someone.. ya know?

Dee74

I'm not sure anyone here is qualified to give relationship advice EW, LOL.
Have you tried talking to her like you've laid it out here?

D

Anna

I don't think there are 'harmless white lies' in marriage.

I think that being honest and dealing with issues, like your girlfriend's jealousy, is the only way to go.

vegibean

Ditto to Anna with the "white lies", you should tell her the truth, if she's going to freak out about it anyway be up front with her, being honest is way better than being a "liar". I was married to a liar for 8 years and the stupidest things he'd lie about???? OMG, most of the time I was more upset that he lied over such trivial, trivial matters.

As for being up front, I'm that way 24-7. This is my life, the way people react to what I do or say really isn't my business, it's theirs. If I was in a relationship like that, a break would be the last thing on my mind, I don't think I'd be in it at all. I don't have time for that non-sense. As long as I'm doing what I say I'm doing.........MY SIDE OF THE STREET IS CLEAN!!!

Good luck and congrats on your sobriety!!!! AWESOME!!!!!

Taking5

Why or how someone could get into a relationship within a year of the ex passing away is beyond me. I think that in and of itself it a red flag.

tommyk

I know I don't have the time or patience for that stuff.

I don't even like to be around friends when they're drinking anymore.

Best wishes in your decision making.

Wolfchild

Actually just stopped participating in an unsatisfying relationship 'bout 5 hours ago. i communicated with her about this decision and informed her clearly that i was no longer going to continue the relationship. i made that decision based on the consistent evidence of her behaviors and attitudes. It walked and talked like a duck long enough for me to fully accept that it is indeed a duck! So fine, now i deal with the emotional fallout and get on with my life. Not as if nothing had ever happened, but as someone who is still learning how to be more loving and caring. i do not regret my decision and am grateful for the opportunity to have had a relationship, in which i stood on solid ground and was willing to change what i could. i had prayed about it for some time and had faith that it was what God's will for my life is at this time. i had talked about my part in the relationship (as i had throughout the whole relationship!) with my sponsor and other recovering addicts who are my friends. Regardless of the problems that continued to resurface, i had to do what was right for my life and my recovery. There were other things that had occured that helped me to arrive at the need for this decision, but they are not appropiate for sharing here at SR.

i relate this in the hope that you will get what you can from it and see how i chose to handle it. You must decide for yourself how far you are willing to become emotionally involved with this person's problems. Please carefully consider what is the right course of action for you and be responsible to that decsion. i pray that you learn what you can and stay clean no matter what!

ElegantlyWasted

Thanks smacked you just smacked me in a good way... You just helped me realize that I toally hate her behavior (not her) when she drinks to excess. This stuff is great; thanks everybody.... I usually make snap decisions about this sort of thing.

CarolD

In order to protect my early fragile sobriety ...I needed to
take drastic actions. Until I did....I did not stay sober for
any appreciable ammount of time.

Yes...my partner and I needed to split.
I wanted more in sobriety than he could give as a drinker.
He survived.....I've thrived.....

Well done on your sober time EW.....

1_day@_a_time

you might want to get quiet with this & proceed carefully.......