bookwyrm

The house is sold. I bought a place to live yesterday so I should feel great. But STBXAH's timing is, as ever, impeccable. I got an email from him about dividing the rest of our posessions up. We had agreed all this last year. Now he's decided that I'm getting too much - too much money and too much stuff. Last week he wanted me to buy what's left of his things and I said no. So he went off on a rant, via email, that was just ridiculous.

Then last night and today he has started again. He's being nasty and vindictive and I'm getting worn down by him. Now, he's switching between wanting nothing and wanting everything of value. All in the interests of being 'fair'. I've had many months of blissful silence from him but now that the house is sold he's trying to create merry hell. I have a month left to go before I move and can finally sever all ties with him.

I should probably let him have whatever he wants and let it go - its just stuff after all. But...the injustice of it really gets to me. And I can't afford to buy everything I need for a kitchen (he now wants all electrical applicances in the house). I'm sick of him telling me that I'm not being fair. I think being 'fair' in his eyes is doing what I'm told. I want to scream and shout and swear at him. But I don't.

I've just told him I'm no longer considering negotiating with him over this - its back to the original agreement and if he wants to make an issue out of it to speak to his lawyer. I'm done.

One more month to go...can I hang in for that long?

Cowgirl1265

Absolutely right, Bookwyrm, let him talk to his lawyer. He already signed off on what he wanted, too late to change his mind now.

Any way you can just not communicate with him at all? Dont' read his emails or take his calls?

Oh, and CONGRATULATIONS on selling the house! That's got to be a huge relief!

gowest

I don't know if it makes you feel any better but most people I know (myself included) have these ridiculous snags over "petty things" with the stbexhs (wether they are an "A" or not) ....

I have found that it can be an important exercise in "boundaries" even if the request is seemingly minor and over "things".

If you are being worn down be careful not to let your boundaries get run over just for the sake of making it all go away. I find when I do that it can haunt me later. Sometimes when you fight for what is "right" it can be empowering although I do recognize that there are other times when just letting it all go is best. When I give myself a day to think about it the answer is usually clearer for me.

My therapist likes to say "this is what your lawyer is for" when I bring up these types of situations in our sessions.

HoopNinja

I am happy your house sold and sorry all this other garbage is going on. Once stbxah finally agreed to sign on the dotted line for a real estate agent (the temp. order said the house had to be sold) I thought-please, please, please house sell fast. Then there will be nothing left to argue about. It made me ill when I read your post--for you and it made me realize maybe it won't be over.

You might want to remind him that for the expense of re-involving his lawyer he could go out and buy the stuff he told you you could have. AH is doing this to me too. You can have it, I don't want it. Maybe I want it. I don't know what I want. My lawyer said if he told you he did not want it take it. The other option is to sell it all and split the proceeds.

Also, since this issue was already decided you may want to ask that your attorney fees are also covered to decide (AGAIN) who gets what. Perhaps when he realizes it will cost him more money to argue over a toaster he will wise up. Hopefully he does.

I hope the next month goes fast and this is all over for you soon.

GiveLove

True: that IS what your lawyer is for. We'll see how well he makes out when an impartial third party makes his decisions for him.

Hang in there, bookwyrm. Try not to talk to you (or read him, or listen to him) any more than you have to. Put it all through your attorney. Hugs!

naive

congrats bookwrym on selling your house and also buying a new one.

sorry he's still troubling you. it'll be over soon.

Chrysalis123

DING DING DING...you win the prize. I am so glad I don't think or act that way and I can see that you don't either.

This too shall pass. It was a real rollercoaster for me. My XAH really began acting out as the end drew near. If you have a legal document send him to the lawyer.

laurie6781

Please don't talk to him, respond to his text messages or emails. Forward his emails to your Solicitor and let the Solicitor handle him.

As said above, when he realizes what it will cost him to change the 'original' agreement he will shut up. In the meantime, you need have no contact with him at all.

Congrats on finding a new house.

Love and hugs,

CatsPajamas

Woo hoo! I'll do the happy dance for you that you were able to sell your house.

Lawyers are there for a reason. Use yours and don't let your stbxh rent any more space in your head. You have too many other marvelous things to be thinking about!!