Just hanging on....
Love them anyway...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Eugene OR
Posts: 115
Just hanging on....
I am going through some rough stuff with my partner which will most likely end in divorce. I am really scared and overwhelmed. So yesterday the thought of having a drink came rolling around. It sounded like a break from the ******** and besides I thought I have been sober 7 months. Surely having one or two wont hurt. I thought about it briefly and then decided to go to a meeting instead. I had never been to a meeting, it was interesting. I did like listening to the stories...it was a little nerveracking though being around a bunch of people that I didnt know. During break a woman introduced herself to me and I was so nervous that I blurted out something about maybe getting a divorce at which time my throat got tight and my eyes started stinging and I thought oh GOD please dont cry right here in front of this lady that you barely know!!! I held it back and she got me some other phone numbers. It really was awkward for me. ...and I find that odd..... I used to be quite the social butterfly, even before my drinking...and now I really dont care much to be around peeps that I dont know. I am trying to figure out if I have changed or if I am depressed or what. I am going to go to another meeting today. It did make me second guess my idea of having one or two so...even if it was awkward thats ok. I certainly do feel lost right now. I just dont feel confident in my decisions....even for the day. I think maybe I am more codie than I thought?
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
Tough times for you I'm sorry to hear.
BUT... the good news is that people in AA are VERY helpful.
Drinking will NOT solve any problems, it will only make them worse.
I'd like to suggest that you not be afraid to show your emotion, especially at AA, many people there are just like you, many have been where you are. I know it's hard - but let it out.
Keep coming back.
BUT... the good news is that people in AA are VERY helpful.
Drinking will NOT solve any problems, it will only make them worse.
I'd like to suggest that you not be afraid to show your emotion, especially at AA, many people there are just like you, many have been where you are. I know it's hard - but let it out.
Keep coming back.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,954
Reaching out in different direction to help you stay sober was a good move. Its not easy for me to do yet its easier than trying to get sober again after a relapse.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,056
Brae, 7 months of sobriety is nothing to snivel at, and certainly not worth throwing away with one drink.....which would probably lead to more.
Aug. 14, 2005, 4 years ago, my divorce was finalized. I was 6 months sober. I could relate to so much of your post, that feeling of wanting to cry and choking it back, seems like I did that at so many meetings. I felt that way when I got kicked out of the house, said goodbye to the dogs one last time, and started seeing my kids half of the time.
But I didn't have to drink, and thank God I didn't cuz I know now it wouldn't have fixed anything.
Use those phone numbers and keep going to meetings, those people will always be there to support you. I don't know where I'd be without the program and the unconditional love. As for the codependency, there'll be plenty of time to look at that later, after you've got a strong foundation in recovery.
Aug. 14, 2005, 4 years ago, my divorce was finalized. I was 6 months sober. I could relate to so much of your post, that feeling of wanting to cry and choking it back, seems like I did that at so many meetings. I felt that way when I got kicked out of the house, said goodbye to the dogs one last time, and started seeing my kids half of the time.
But I didn't have to drink, and thank God I didn't cuz I know now it wouldn't have fixed anything.
Use those phone numbers and keep going to meetings, those people will always be there to support you. I don't know where I'd be without the program and the unconditional love. As for the codependency, there'll be plenty of time to look at that later, after you've got a strong foundation in recovery.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
what an awesome share brae. thanks. this inspires me to keep persevering. i find meetilngs to be very helpful, especially the part about getting to know some people during the so called "meetilng before the meeting and meeting after the meeting" (which juyst means coming early and leaving late and reaching out or even merely socializing with few people if the opportunity presents itself
JUST DO IT!!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Here Or There
Posts: 7,612
The title of this thread really caught my eye! I have been in and out of recovery so much since I joined here and more so lately than before. I have been trying to hang on and hang on and DAMN IT I need to put a KNOT in that ROPE of mine 
I have about 12 days off of meth, yesterday was really hard cause people just kept offering it to me. I refused all that I could, and went to sleep clean off of that crap which was a miracle.
I wish I could help ya in your post but relationships are not good for me or maybe I am not good for them. Your doing good and congrats on your 7 months!
I have about 12 days off of meth, yesterday was really hard cause people just kept offering it to me. I refused all that I could, and went to sleep clean off of that crap which was a miracle.
I wish I could help ya in your post but relationships are not good for me
or maybe I am not good for them. Your doing good and congrats on your 7 months!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Brae
You're going through a rough time - it's pretty natural to think of drinking, and perectly natural to be a little socially awkward too...but you did exactly the right thing..I'd expect no less from you
I'd keep going to meetings - you need to be around people who understand - and use those numbers too
D
You're going through a rough time - it's pretty natural to think of drinking, and perectly natural to be a little socially awkward too...but you did exactly the right thing..I'd expect no less from you
I'd keep going to meetings - you need to be around people who understand - and use those numbers too
D
Love them anyway...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Eugene OR
Posts: 115
Well it became final today. I am single. Im having a hard time tonight. I feel so rejected...I cant believe that this has happened....and so fast. I dont understand how you leave someone because th?ey are depressed....I hadnt even tried medication yet. Hes already looking at ads online. My heart is breaking. how do you just throw someone away
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I'm so sorry Brae.
I know you a bit - you seem intelligent and kind and warm and funny to me...I'm thinking this may be more about your husbands issues than your depression....especially if you haven't even tried medication yet.
And looking up ads online now? No matter what the circs, that's
Drinking won't help, Brae - I tried drinking to forget - you never do - it always comes back - but worse...don't forget alcohol is a depressant.
I'm really sad you have to go through this - but lean on us - it's what SR is here for.
Are you still going to meetings? got any numbers?
Either way, you're not alone
D
I know you a bit - you seem intelligent and kind and warm and funny to me...I'm thinking this may be more about your husbands issues than your depression....especially if you haven't even tried medication yet.
And looking up ads online now? No matter what the circs, that's
Drinking won't help, Brae - I tried drinking to forget - you never do - it always comes back - but worse...don't forget alcohol is a depressant.
I'm really sad you have to go through this - but lean on us - it's what SR is here for.
Are you still going to meetings? got any numbers?
Either way, you're not alone
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: CA
Posts: 357
Brae~
I'm so sorry that you are facing such hardship right now. It's great that you are here talking about this instead of acting on the impulse to drink. I can't tell you how many times people on SR have been there for me when I wanted to throw away my sober time. These may seem like empty words right now, but please try to remember that drinking will only compound the pain, isolation and the depression.
Please hang in there, keep writing, reach out in any way you can tonight.
I'm so sorry that you are facing such hardship right now. It's great that you are here talking about this instead of acting on the impulse to drink. I can't tell you how many times people on SR have been there for me when I wanted to throw away my sober time. These may seem like empty words right now, but please try to remember that drinking will only compound the pain, isolation and the depression.
Please hang in there, keep writing, reach out in any way you can tonight.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Drinking won't make anything better.
It won't make the situation go away.
Call someone on that list you were given.
Stay on here and keep posting.
help someone else stay sober tonight.
It won't make the situation go away.
Call someone on that list you were given.
Stay on here and keep posting.
help someone else stay sober tonight.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,954
Drinking is like that: sounds good but looks horrific. Hang in there...moment by moment if need be. Your in my thoughts 
...blessed be.
...blessed be.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 542
Dear Brae,
I'm so very sorry to read your post just now. You must feel so sad and let down and that is unfair and undeserved. You are doing your best Brae and PLEASE...listen to everyone else and keep attending the meetings. PLEASE call someone on your list. AA is a Fellowship of loving and caring people who really do understand pain and devastation. They really want to help you but first you must "help yourself" by making that call sweetie. (((((HUGS))))) You will be so GLAD you did make the call when some of this pain settles a bit and stayed sober.
You've done amazing and congratulations on 7 Months!!! You rock for all the positive steps you've been taking Brae and posting hear on SR is only another of those great things you are doing to help your own recovery.
Love Pancake xo
I'm so very sorry to read your post just now. You must feel so sad and let down and that is unfair and undeserved. You are doing your best Brae and PLEASE...listen to everyone else and keep attending the meetings. PLEASE call someone on your list. AA is a Fellowship of loving and caring people who really do understand pain and devastation. They really want to help you but first you must "help yourself" by making that call sweetie. (((((HUGS))))) You will be so GLAD you did make the call when some of this pain settles a bit and stayed sober.
You've done amazing and congratulations on 7 Months!!! You rock for all the positive steps you've been taking Brae and posting hear on SR is only another of those great things you are doing to help your own recovery.
Love Pancake xo
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 89
I hope you're doing ok Brae. HANG IN THERE! The alcohol won't help at all. Has it so far? I don't think so.
You need time to heal, and AA will help. It's a great opportunity to meet new people. So it will allow you to bring that social-butterfly back. You need to evolve and rediscover yourself. Give yourself that chance by NOT going back to alcohol.
Good luck and keep posting.
You need time to heal, and AA will help. It's a great opportunity to meet new people. So it will allow you to bring that social-butterfly back. You need to evolve and rediscover yourself. Give yourself that chance by NOT going back to alcohol.
Good luck and keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: In my head...tis dark in here!
Posts: 213
Hi Brae, so sorry to hear of what you are going through right now, but I wanted to say how inspired I am by your strength so far, 7 months is brilliant!...stay strong and be kind to yourself x
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Brae I pray that this post finds you sober, if you are sober you stand a chance.
Call those numbers and get to meetings!!!! Meetings, not a meeting!
One of the biggest things I walk away from meetings with is HOPE!!!!! When I hear some of the hell others have been through and they did not drink to escape it, it gives me hope that I will be able to walk through what ever is thrown my way in life sober as well.
A man shared last night that his son was killed in an auto accident 5 months ago, his son was on his way to see him in the hospital when he had the accident. He stayed sober!!! Later his sons widow told him she blamed him for his sons death, she told him that if he had not been in the hospital her husband would have never got killed! He shared last night that the steps and the fellowship of AA got him through all of that sober!!!!
If a man can stay sober after the death of his son and his sons widow blaming him for his own sons death, then there is HOPE that I could do the same as well.
Call those numbers and get to meetings!!!! Meetings, not a meeting!
One of the biggest things I walk away from meetings with is HOPE!!!!! When I hear some of the hell others have been through and they did not drink to escape it, it gives me hope that I will be able to walk through what ever is thrown my way in life sober as well.
A man shared last night that his son was killed in an auto accident 5 months ago, his son was on his way to see him in the hospital when he had the accident. He stayed sober!!! Later his sons widow told him she blamed him for his sons death, she told him that if he had not been in the hospital her husband would have never got killed! He shared last night that the steps and the fellowship of AA got him through all of that sober!!!!
If a man can stay sober after the death of his son and his sons widow blaming him for his own sons death, then there is HOPE that I could do the same as well.
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