NewDayNow

I can’t remember what I was like when I was drinking. Has it been that long? Is anything really deferent now? Am I deferent now? Is everything really better?

I don’t want to have to want to not drink
I don’t want to have to want to be sober
I don’t want to go to go to my meeting today but if I don’t the phone will start ringing then the door bell
I don’t want the door bell to ring
I don’t want to talk about stupid addiction crap anymore or atleast not today
I’m tired I don’t want to be an alcoholic anymore
I want to be like normal people with lotsa normal problems
I just want the day off I want to be someone else today
I’m having some kinda trouble I don’t know what it is



Nothing is making sense paws maybe something else

I don’t understand whats going on whith me. What is this
I thought I was stronger than this

jamdls

Sounds like you need a hug newday. I've had many days where I didn't want to hear anything about addiction problems or any problems for that matter and so I don't, I just keep to myself on those days. I'm fortunate that I live alone and I can just ignore the phone/door/world for a day or more, I even have a very understanding boss so when I call in and tell him I am need to take the day off he doesn't ask any questions (obviously I can't do that too often though). But even if you don't live alone and have lots of responsibilities you can at least take a few hours just for YOU. I remember even when I was a kid, I was the youngest of 5, I wanted and needed time alone, and the only place I could ever be alone was in the bathroom and we only had 1 bathroom! But I'd go in the bathroom and lock the door and just stay there until someone came banging on the door but at least I got my 10-20-30 minutes to just be alone. It also sounds like sobriety has become a burden to you and you need to change your attitude because sobriety is a GIFT be proud of what you've accomplished! Reward yourself on a daily basis even if it's just a pat on your own back you deserve it!

tallcactus

((NewDayNow))
Your feelings R okay to have.
Change things up today, maybe U can take this day for yourself. U do not have to go to a meeting everyday. [U]BUT,[U] if U feel that U need to drink, then, that is a whole new story.
I take a day off myself, from time to time, and I pamper myself, I go and read, work with the plants and flowers.... Here's one just 4 U to change up your day.
Stay strong.

Tazman53

If your sobriety date is 9/14/08 then you may be havinng the Anniversary "Funk"!!!! I was lucky and did not get it my 1st or 2nd anniversary and am not noticing it now as I approach my 3rd year sober, but I have heard a lot of folks, some with MANY years sober share they for some reason they can not grasp get into a "Funk" before thier annivesary.

Congrats on almost a year sober, as I have heard said many times "This to shall pass."

Perhaps just taking it easy today is just what you need, just chill enough to where you feel relaxed, but remain vigilant none the less.

MycoolFitz

Don't focus on what you don't want, focus on what you have. Suffering comes about because of our cravings and our aversions--we want what we don't have and don't want what we do. Our thoughts become a form of mental masturbation. Be present, be focused, practice letting go of the aversion thoughts, the craving thoughts, they are an illusion in which you create an alcoholics world of illusion.
“Letting go” is not a euphemism for stamping out craving by other means. Letting go begins with understanding: a calm clear acceptance of what is happening. While craving may be the origin or cause of anguish, this does not mean they are two separate things-- anymore than a sprout is separate from the daffodil that emerges from it.

Letting go of a craving is not rejecting it but allowing it to be itself: a contingent state of mind that once arisen will pass away. Instead of forcibly freeing ourselves from it, notice how its very nature is to be free itself. To let go is like releasing a snake that you have been clutching in your hand. By identifying with a craving (“I want this,” “I don’t want that”), you tighten the clutch and intensify the resistance. Instead of being a state of mind that you have, it becomes a compulsion that has you… the challenge in letting go of craving is to act before habitual reactions incapacitate us.—Stephen Batchelor
Namaste.

Mark75

Hi NewDay - We have the same sobriety date!!

I think Taz has a good point... I was in a funk at 6 mos, minor at 9 mos...

Awesome post.... I.... Know..... Exactly..... How..... You..... Feel !!!!!! Just probably getting it all out there helped, uh??? ... Reading it did for me, thanx...

I've got nothing else to offer.... Except company .... When I feel like that, it usually passes once I get my mind involved with something else. As acceptance grows, I think it'll get better.

Mark

Angel1

Thank you for that!
I didn't realize that this was something common to happen. I experienced this both at my 1st & 2nd year sobriety anniversaries... I thought it was just me. lol
I just wanted to add.... the 'funks' were short-lived & both times I have emerged out of them happier & more content than ever

I try not to get too down about my 'funks' or moods, because I know like everything else, "this too shall pass".

NewDayNow

Thanks guys

I didnt actually mean to hit the submit button on this one. Lap top touch pad. I gues its just as well that it ended up posted.

Yeah I'll get through this.

Thanks for the help

Ed

Priss

I'm feeling you on this one. Glad you accidentally submitted it!