holdfold

I feel like I am in the muppet show where the cast of characters are running amok and there is a deep sense of confusion but overlaid with gentle humor and goodwill...... meaning I can see this show going on in my head and laugh at some of the absurdity and be very sad when it ends. This is how I feel about trying to get control over the poison, I have times of absolute clarity and then I can feel that red cap cracking in my hand as I open the seal and say hello to the first stiffener of the day. I had a number of business meetings yesterday and needed to be 'refreshed' before hand to stop the panic.... not good. However, I have charted my course next week and help locally is being sought. If you don't make a choice, you still have a choice and I am ready make the choice..... I know these are empty words but I felt the need to say something that may help others as little substance that they may hold....namaste....

MycoolFitz

Namaste to you. As you know Namaste tyou know that as the Buddha spoke we are what we think, with our thoughts we make the world. If we are muppets or puppets it is through our muppet and putter thoughts. Why empty words? Why the need to say anything? Like a finger pointing at the moon we are in danger of being the finger and not the moon. Why open the bottle only to cork your essense? There is no before hand needing to quench the fire of panic, there is only the moment and in the moment there is nothing to panic. I wish you well and dep peace.
Asato maa, Sadgamayaa
Tamaso maa, Jyotirgamayaa ;
Mrityor maa, Amritam Gamayaa.

holdfold

Peace to you as well. I suppose there is a lot to be said about working smart not hard.... make it count and have substance (excuse the pun!) I am infected from my youngest with a cold and oddly is distracting the need.... beautiful irony.... get sick to be better..... and thinking about it the year that I didn't drink it started with the flu... I did in that year have two evenings of drinking and went back to being clean.... not how I viewed it at the time but I had energy and a real hunger to be normal and awake with clarity and purpose.... how good it is when you let your mind be free and think.... I had forgotten about this until now and was prompted by posts that speak of the lack of 'head-fog'.... wow that in itself is a good peg to hang the cure on. I'm glad to be here.

yeahgr8

Lol class post! For me it was like watching a never ending film that i had a small part in and no control over whatsoever...it was nuts...i compared it to living with the fraggles on Fraggle Rock (google it if you not British)! Have you thought about giving AA a go they have helped loads of people and its working for me?

holdfold

Ola and Gracias.... I am actually half English and understand the reference! I know this is anti-thesis to what we are trying to do but reading Dr.Suess Fox in Sox whilst loaded is/was quite fun.... and then try it the next day sober and it is harder. The fun is relative of course and short-lived. I am racking my brains trying to think of the name of the character that Dee uses for his graphic as the funky greeter guy..... The Octopus was the band leader and Animal the drummer.... come on brain.... you're in there somewhere.......
I am thinking of opening a thread that is entitiled 'Dumbest thing I did Drunk'... no references to DUI or abuse...simply the idiotic things we managed to do and think.... seems like a good idea... at the time.... my favorite so far is mowing a shag pile carpet at a friends house, complete with the stripes whilst parents were away.....

smacked

there's lots of threads about "the dumbest/craziest/stupidest thing I did drunk".. you might search for them and add on? Sometimes those types of threads are strange because it turns to romanticizing and reminiscing about alcohol.. be careful out there, and welcome.

matt88

An excellent choice to make.

lol - I always identified with A Christmas Carol in the first few days. Like I was Ebenezer Scrooge, and was going to wake up to be given a second chance at life by sobering up, haha. all the best, see you around.

holdfold

Thank you for the welcomes.... smacked you are absolutely correct in the mindset of 'wow that was fun' whilst fully refreshed and I have done some woeful things with people I shouldn't be doing these things with = inappropriate behavior and getting away with it.... moving on......from reflection to hope of peace of mind....

Dee74

my avatar is Floyd the bass player holdfold

You've said you've charted your course - don't put off the actual journey too long, ok?

It's ok to feel sad about changing your life, and to find good times and humour in the madness, but you know....this stuff kills you, and doesn't even have the decency to do it quickly.

There's a better life on the other side holdfold (and still a bit of madcap crazy as well)

D

holdfold

of course! Floyd was cool, in fact the whole band were right out there..... what were they called? Dr Something....

No the journey starts on Monday for reasons that are too long to explain, in the week that I have been in here I was clear where the starting point needs to be.
I see from your spelling of humor you are/were in the kingdom ruled by Liz.
I found a good distraction to the eye-opener... go the dentist for two hours every morning.... well maybe not.... but took my mind off the poison.... but shiney clean teeth...

On a different note do you think the middle east would be happier place if they drank? I suppose you could conceive the Arab AA which would be the triple A.... getting pulled over for being laced up on a camel...and so on....

Another aspect to this wonderful journey is that I can;t seem to hang onto thoughts and am distracted very easily.... not good when you deal in a highly technical environment..... let me see wings need to be level...hmmm...

Beware of the patient man that is angry.... Namaste

holdfold

Found it... the Muppet Show band was Dr.Teeth and the Electric Mayhem..... cool mofus... rock on all

Dee74

Glad you worked the band out holdfold, and yeah I'm an Aussie.
Good luck for Monday

D

yeahgr8

it's time to put on make up, it's time to light the lights, it's time to get things started on the muppet show tonight...

from memory!!!! can hardly remember a word of french o-level though!!!

Zencat

I think I get what your saying. Choice or no choice...action can be made regardless of what one thinks about choice....or that is as it is for me. When I do change my behavior and latter reflect on what I thought my choices were...I end up seeing how my behavior is guided by deep intention...not so much of a choice I guess but commitment in action.