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Detox nightmare

Old 08-20-2009, 04:38 AM
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Detox nightmare

Actually that's a little misleading. You have to have slept to have a nightmare. I think I may have gotten an hour or two of sleep last night. Every time I closed my eyes, my heart would start to race and I felt like I couldn't breathe. At one point, I was considering going to the hospital. Why on Earth do I think that I enjoy something that makes me feel so bad?

Since I couldn't sleep, I spent a lot of time here reading people's posts. I can't tell you how comforting it is to know that I'm not alone. It is especially comforting to know that there are other women going through the same thing. Let's face it ladies, we're not supposed to be out of control. We're supposed to be beautiful and delicate. Let me tell you, there's nothing beautiful or delicate about being covered in unexplained bruises and spending the better part of the day with your head in the toilet.

Anyway, I woke up this morning feeling scared, wondering if I had the strength to do this. Reading your posts has helped. Thank you!
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Old 08-20-2009, 04:47 AM
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My sympathies, Priss. I remember it so well. My last detox HAS to be my last, I can't go through it again. I honestly don't think I'd make it back next time. (It's best to be under a doctor's care, but unfortunately I didn't have that option at the time.)

The good news is, you never have to go through this again. Once it's over you can begin to rebuild your life and your self esteem. I'm glad you came here for some company - I just wallowed in misery and couldn't even make it over to my computer. Thanks for the memory......and may today find you stronger and more hopeful.
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Old 08-20-2009, 04:53 AM
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I remember going to bed at 7.30 at night and just lying there not moving, but too full of terror and fear and anxiety to close my eyes, let alone sleep, for the next 12 hours.

It's not something I want to experience again either.

The good news is, as most of us have found, it gets a lot better really soon - but please see your doctor if you're at all worried

D
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Old 08-20-2009, 05:00 AM
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It DOES get better very soon so hang in there. And stay around here too. Sobriety may never be perfect, neither was drinking as we all know, but its certainly liveable... for most of the next 24 hours.
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Old 08-20-2009, 05:02 AM
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Keep coming back.
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Old 08-20-2009, 05:13 AM
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Priss, there's humour in your post and if you can show that while under pressure that's a indication of a strong character.

Now, if you really like to laugh, do as I did and get yourself to an AA meeting. It's a great programme of recovery especially if you've got a sense of humour (though that's not a compulsory pre-requisite); but I guess by putting X amount of alcoholics in one room; you're guaranteed a laugh. And I particularly like the brand of humour I hear.

And not only that, it's the AA way to have a laugh; it's in our basic literature and it's absolutely insisted on that we enjoy life; 'cos we're not a glum lot; and I bloody well remind them of that if a meeting should ever become maudlin (p 132 BB for those with one).
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Old 08-20-2009, 06:02 AM
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I can totally sympathize with you. That is exactly how I felt on night 1. I even took two trazadones and they did nothing. I just layed there in a state of panic all night long.

It will pass though! 1st and 2nd nights were the worst for me.

Take care!
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Old 08-20-2009, 06:11 AM
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The nausea has subsided...thank God! Now if I could just do something about the shakes.
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Old 08-20-2009, 06:14 AM
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If you feel you need to, please don't hesitate in seeing a doc. Detoxing can be fatal. I was given meds to prevent seizures, and sent on my way after about 2 hours of a vitamin enriched IV. Please be careful.
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Old 08-20-2009, 07:43 AM
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Hang in there. It WILL end. Once this is over, you will never have to go through this again. Keep us posted.
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Old 08-20-2009, 08:55 AM
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Hi Priss, I am glad to hear you are doing better =) My first night was a carbon copy of that...and actually it took me some time to get some sleep but it was still better than drinking.

Someone on here suggested keeping a journal during those first few days of detox as a reminder of just how horrible it is. I often look at mine when I feel the urge kick in and it takes me right back.

Hang in there!! Like everyone else just said....you don't have to EVER go through this again.

HUGS,
Jade
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Old 08-20-2009, 11:26 AM
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I remember thinking during my last Detox, If I went to the Hospital and asked them to induce a Coma for me and just stay hooked up to an IV and a Catheter for 4 Days, would they do it? I would have paid for that out of my own pocket and it would be worth every penny. That way I could just wake up 4 Days later after all of the incomprehensible suffering was over.
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Old 08-20-2009, 11:57 AM
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I'm glad you got through the night.

Keep reading and posting.
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Old 08-20-2009, 12:20 PM
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Rad44--Believe me, that thought crossed my mind! Anything to get through this Hell! But I guess it's good that it's tough. Otherwise, how would we know that we didn't want to go through this EVER AGAIN?!? Right now I'm not sure what's worse, the physical withdrawal or trying to piece together the events from my last binge. Oh well, that which does not kill us, right?
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Old 08-20-2009, 02:49 PM
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Priss. Below is a post of mine from another SR Thread realting to my Detox. If Misery Loves Company, it should make you feel better. I like to read it whenever my Alcoholic Brain starts saying "That wasn't so Bad?".

I had two Years Sober and "got the itch" when I had the means, motive, and opportunity when my Wife and Daughter were out of town for a week, work was slow, why not? I carefully planned everything out so I wouldn't have any bad consequences and I wouldn't have the possibility of getting caught.

My plan lasted 30 minutes before I Blacked Out.

What followed was three weeks of Abject Misery and Despair. My plan for "Beer Only" went out the window and I started drinking 1.5 liters of Gin every day and bottles of Mouthwash if I ran out and the Liquor Stores were closed.

April 7, 2009 ended the three week 24/7 blackout binge. Cold Turkey Detox by myself at home. The In-Patient Detox Facility refused me entrance (even though they had open beds and I had full Insurance) because I "Wasn't Menatlly Ill".

Shaking. Sweating. Nausea and vomiting from internal bleeding. Fever. Dry skin and lips. Dehydration. Headache. Auditory Hallucinations. Rapid Pounding Heart. Liver Damage. Insomnia (5 days w/ no sleep). Loss of appetite (didn't eat for 5 days). Anxiety. Depression. Despair. Lonliness. Fear and Paranoia. Restlessness. Disorientation. Confusion. Night Terrors.

All simultaneously. All 10's on a scale of 1 to 10 w/ 10 being the worst imaginable. A complete Physical, Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual Beat Down of the severest magnitude. The damage I did to myself was enormous.

I had no idea humans could endure such suffering and live to tell about it. Unless you have actually been at this Alcoholic Rock Bottom you simply do not know what it means. Many Alcoholics committ suicide. While I have never been suicidal I now understand exactly where that comes from.

My desparate plea was "God don't let me die like this. I don't care where you take me as long as it isn't here". I am right at the 4 Month Sobriety date now. While the thought of "Never Being Able to Drink Normally Again" sometimes weighs heavily on my mind, the awful reality that I will certainly return to the worst point of my Alcoholism almost immediately is a fact that keeps me focused.

Why endure that kind of suffering if I don't have to? I finally had the revalation that the voices in my head telling me "It will be different this time" are Bald Faced Liars. It always gets worse. It never get's better.
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Old 08-20-2009, 03:55 PM
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You nailed it with these words:

Shaking. Sweating. Nausea and vomiting from internal bleeding. Fever. Dry skin and lips. Dehydration. Headache. Auditory Hallucinations. Rapid Pounding Heart. Liver Damage. Insomnia (5 days w/ no sleep). Loss of appetite (didn't eat for 5 days). Anxiety. Depression. Despair. Lonliness. Fear and Paranoia. Restlessness. Disorientation. Confusion. Night Terrors.

Thanks for sharing. I talked to one friend of mine today about my latest binge/ blackout, and she said "Yeah, I hate it when I do stuff like that." We're not SUPPOSED to do things like that!! We're not supposed to wake up, wondering how we got home, and then realize "Oh yeah, I DROVE home." I mean, wtf?
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Old 08-20-2009, 06:57 PM
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Ok, Day 2 down. The shakes have subsided, there's still a little nausea there, but more importantly, a big chunk of the shame is gone. I thank all of you for that. Thank you for all of the kind words of support. It's nice to know that I'm not alone. I'm going to sleep!
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Old 08-21-2009, 02:39 AM
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Wait a few more days and you'll feel even better. USE CAUTION!... Your healing brain may want a drink soon... Don't negotiate with an alcoholic brain!

You don't need to detox again
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