New and so exhausted
aka Glenna :)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Jupiter, Florida
Posts: 280
New and so exhausted
I really hope this all comes out right. I am very sick.
When I had my first child about 11 years ago, I suffered severe postpartum depression, and since then I have had episodes of severe anxiety and depression and mania on and off. My first husband eventually left me over it. I take meds, SSRI and mood stabilizers, but they don't always work; however, now I am addicted to them and suffer horrible withdrawal when I try to stop or run out for a few days.
I have been drinking every day and using drugs whenever I can get them to help combat these episodes, especially the anxiety. I am separated from my second husband, who is a severe alcoholic, but we are still together whenever we can be. Our relationship revolves around drinking heavily a lot of the time. We have a 2-1/2 year old daughter who lives with me and is usually there when we are drinking. Then we put her to bed, and we pass out at some point.
I have two children, boys 11 and 7, from a previous marriage (the one who left me). They live with their dad. I lost custody of them, partially because of the drinking and drugs and partially because my current husband did not treat them well. Also, because of the mental illness, I have had trouble working and caring for them and couldn't afford to raise them even with child support. I see them twice a week, but sometimes I can't because I can't afford to feed them or don't have the gas to pick them up.
I drank very heavily this past weekend, both with my husband and without. Passed out all 3 nights. The worst was on Saturday night. I had all three kids and some friends with me, and we went to a restaurant. I drank so much that I passed out at the table and had to be driven home and put to bed, and my 11-year-old was asked by my friends to watch over my daughter while she slept. My first husband doesn't know yet, but I think my son will probably say something at some point. It's okay, I didn't tell him to keep it secret--that's not fair to a kid.
I have not been able to care for the boys or my daughter. She doesn't get proper nutrition, hygiene or all the things a little girl needs. She hasn't been in for a checkup or to see the dentist. I would take her, but I can't afford it. I could be making decent money, but sometimes I get sick and can't work. It goes in cycles. A friend suggested I put her up for adoption, and another said I should sign over custody for a while, but I don't have anyone who would take her, no family or anything. And obviously her father cannot do it. I fear I am going to lose her anyway though. She could end up in foster care because of all the above.
My ex-husband yelled at me for 15 minutes the other day. He told me to "shape up" and "act like a f**king mother" to the boys. He said they look like sh*t whenever they come home from my house, and I don't help with raising them like homework and stuff. It was upsetting, but I saw his point. My current husband has no contact with the boys. My ex had me sign a document to that effect. I agreed with it because he was not nice to them and is a bad role model, and I wouldn't let the boys around him my own self.
Since I'm trying to be honest here, even though it's really hard, I will also say that I missed my period this month and have started throwing up. I couldn't possibly have another child, no way possible, but I can't afford to terminate the pregnancy financially. I would think about adoption, but I am 41 years old and drink and use drugs. I can't imagine how the baby would end up. I can barely take care of my daughter at this point, and she is suffering, and I can't have any more children ever.
At a friend's suggestion, I did go to an AA meeting yesterday and shared some of the above. Some of the women talked to me afterwards and gave me phone numbers; however, my phone is shut off right now until I can pay for it, so I can't call anybody. I would like to go back, maybe every day, but right now I can't afford the gas and can't use my phone to try and get rides. I used to go to Al-Anon a lot to help with my husband's drinking, but I was never honest about my own substance abuse or didn't realize it was a problem. Al-Anon was wonderful and helped a lot though.
I am in tremendous fear and exhaustion. There is a good chance I will lose my apartment because I can't work and pay rent. There is a good chance I will lose my daughter. I have no insurance to go to a good rehab or sober living house. My boys are growing up without me. I love my husband dearly, but he is as sick as I am. I'm so exhausted and don't know what to do anymore. I admit that suicide has crossed my mind, but honestly I wouldn't cause my children that sort of pain and having to live knowing that, so I would never go through with it.
I hope somebody will read this and know what I should do. My children and I need help badly. Thank you.
When I had my first child about 11 years ago, I suffered severe postpartum depression, and since then I have had episodes of severe anxiety and depression and mania on and off. My first husband eventually left me over it. I take meds, SSRI and mood stabilizers, but they don't always work; however, now I am addicted to them and suffer horrible withdrawal when I try to stop or run out for a few days.
I have been drinking every day and using drugs whenever I can get them to help combat these episodes, especially the anxiety. I am separated from my second husband, who is a severe alcoholic, but we are still together whenever we can be. Our relationship revolves around drinking heavily a lot of the time. We have a 2-1/2 year old daughter who lives with me and is usually there when we are drinking. Then we put her to bed, and we pass out at some point.
I have two children, boys 11 and 7, from a previous marriage (the one who left me). They live with their dad. I lost custody of them, partially because of the drinking and drugs and partially because my current husband did not treat them well. Also, because of the mental illness, I have had trouble working and caring for them and couldn't afford to raise them even with child support. I see them twice a week, but sometimes I can't because I can't afford to feed them or don't have the gas to pick them up.
I drank very heavily this past weekend, both with my husband and without. Passed out all 3 nights. The worst was on Saturday night. I had all three kids and some friends with me, and we went to a restaurant. I drank so much that I passed out at the table and had to be driven home and put to bed, and my 11-year-old was asked by my friends to watch over my daughter while she slept. My first husband doesn't know yet, but I think my son will probably say something at some point. It's okay, I didn't tell him to keep it secret--that's not fair to a kid.
I have not been able to care for the boys or my daughter. She doesn't get proper nutrition, hygiene or all the things a little girl needs. She hasn't been in for a checkup or to see the dentist. I would take her, but I can't afford it. I could be making decent money, but sometimes I get sick and can't work. It goes in cycles. A friend suggested I put her up for adoption, and another said I should sign over custody for a while, but I don't have anyone who would take her, no family or anything. And obviously her father cannot do it. I fear I am going to lose her anyway though. She could end up in foster care because of all the above.
My ex-husband yelled at me for 15 minutes the other day. He told me to "shape up" and "act like a f**king mother" to the boys. He said they look like sh*t whenever they come home from my house, and I don't help with raising them like homework and stuff. It was upsetting, but I saw his point. My current husband has no contact with the boys. My ex had me sign a document to that effect. I agreed with it because he was not nice to them and is a bad role model, and I wouldn't let the boys around him my own self.
Since I'm trying to be honest here, even though it's really hard, I will also say that I missed my period this month and have started throwing up. I couldn't possibly have another child, no way possible, but I can't afford to terminate the pregnancy financially. I would think about adoption, but I am 41 years old and drink and use drugs. I can't imagine how the baby would end up. I can barely take care of my daughter at this point, and she is suffering, and I can't have any more children ever.
At a friend's suggestion, I did go to an AA meeting yesterday and shared some of the above. Some of the women talked to me afterwards and gave me phone numbers; however, my phone is shut off right now until I can pay for it, so I can't call anybody. I would like to go back, maybe every day, but right now I can't afford the gas and can't use my phone to try and get rides. I used to go to Al-Anon a lot to help with my husband's drinking, but I was never honest about my own substance abuse or didn't realize it was a problem. Al-Anon was wonderful and helped a lot though.
I am in tremendous fear and exhaustion. There is a good chance I will lose my apartment because I can't work and pay rent. There is a good chance I will lose my daughter. I have no insurance to go to a good rehab or sober living house. My boys are growing up without me. I love my husband dearly, but he is as sick as I am. I'm so exhausted and don't know what to do anymore. I admit that suicide has crossed my mind, but honestly I wouldn't cause my children that sort of pain and having to live knowing that, so I would never go through with it.
I hope somebody will read this and know what I should do. My children and I need help badly. Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: pennsylvania
Posts: 96
Originally Posted by Cath1029 
I really hope this all comes out right. I am very sick.
When I had my first child about 11 years ago, I suffered severe postpartum depression, and since then I have had episodes of severe anxiety and depression and mania on and off. My first husband eventually left me over it. I take meds, SSRI and mood stabilizers, but they don't always work; however, now I am addicted to them and suffer horrible withdrawal when I try to stop or run out for a few days.
I have been drinking every day and using drugs whenever I can get them to help combat these episodes, especially the anxiety. I am separated from my second husband, who is a severe alcoholic, but we are still together whenever we can be. Our relationship revolves around drinking heavily a lot of the time. We have a 2-1/2 year old daughter who lives with me and is usually there when we are drinking. Then we put her to bed, and we pass out at some point.
I have two children, boys 11 and 7, from a previous marriage (the one who left me). They live with their dad. I lost custody of them, partially because of the drinking and drugs and partially because my current husband did not treat them well. Also, because of the mental illness, I have had trouble working and caring for them and couldn't afford to raise them even with child support. I see them twice a week, but sometimes I can't because I can't afford to feed them or don't have the gas to pick them up.
I drank very heavily this past weekend, both with my husband and without. Passed out all 3 nights. The worst was on Saturday night. I had all three kids and some friends with me, and we went to a restaurant. I drank so much that I passed out at the table and had to be driven home and put to bed, and my 11-year-old was asked by my friends to watch over my daughter while she slept. My first husband doesn't know yet, but I think my son will probably say something at some point. It's okay, I didn't tell him to keep it secret--that's not fair to a kid.
I have not been able to care for the boys or my daughter. She doesn't get proper nutrition, hygiene or all the things a little girl needs. She hasn't been in for a checkup or to see the dentist. I would take her, but I can't afford it. I could be making decent money, but sometimes I get sick and can't work. It goes in cycles. A friend suggested I put her up for adoption, and another said I should sign over custody for a while, but I don't have anyone who would take her, no family or anything. And obviously her father cannot do it. I fear I am going to lose her anyway though. She could end up in foster care because of all the above.
My ex-husband yelled at me for 15 minutes the other day. He told me to "shape up" and "act like a f**king mother" to the boys. He said they look like sh*t whenever they come home from my house, and I don't help with raising them like homework and stuff. It was upsetting, but I saw his point. My current husband has no contact with the boys. My ex had me sign a document to that effect. I agreed with it because he was not nice to them and is a bad role model, and I wouldn't let the boys around him my own self.
Since I'm trying to be honest here, even though it's really hard, I will also say that I missed my period this month and have started throwing up. I couldn't possibly have another child, no way possible, but I can't afford to terminate the pregnancy financially. I would think about adoption, but I am 41 years old and drink and use drugs. I can't imagine how the baby would end up. I can barely take care of my daughter at this point, and she is suffering, and I can't have any more children ever.
At a friend's suggestion, I did go to an AA meeting yesterday and shared some of the above. Some of the women talked to me afterwards and gave me phone numbers; however, my phone is shut off right now until I can pay for it, so I can't call anybody. I would like to go back, maybe every day, but right now I can't afford the gas and can't use my phone to try and get rides. I used to go to Al-Anon a lot to help with my husband's drinking, but I was never honest about my own substance abuse or didn't realize it was a problem. Al-Anon was wonderful and helped a lot though.
I am in tremendous fear and exhaustion. There is a good chance I will lose my apartment because I can't work and pay rent. There is a good chance I will lose my daughter. I have no insurance to go to a good rehab or sober living house. My boys are growing up without me. I love my husband dearly, but he is as sick as I am. I'm so exhausted and don't know what to do anymore. I admit that suicide has crossed my mind, but honestly I wouldn't cause my children that sort of pain and having to live knowing that, so I would never go through with it.
I hope somebody will read this and know what I should do. My children and I need help badly. Thank you.
When I had my first child about 11 years ago, I suffered severe postpartum depression, and since then I have had episodes of severe anxiety and depression and mania on and off. My first husband eventually left me over it. I take meds, SSRI and mood stabilizers, but they don't always work; however, now I am addicted to them and suffer horrible withdrawal when I try to stop or run out for a few days.
I have been drinking every day and using drugs whenever I can get them to help combat these episodes, especially the anxiety. I am separated from my second husband, who is a severe alcoholic, but we are still together whenever we can be. Our relationship revolves around drinking heavily a lot of the time. We have a 2-1/2 year old daughter who lives with me and is usually there when we are drinking. Then we put her to bed, and we pass out at some point.
I have two children, boys 11 and 7, from a previous marriage (the one who left me). They live with their dad. I lost custody of them, partially because of the drinking and drugs and partially because my current husband did not treat them well. Also, because of the mental illness, I have had trouble working and caring for them and couldn't afford to raise them even with child support. I see them twice a week, but sometimes I can't because I can't afford to feed them or don't have the gas to pick them up.
I drank very heavily this past weekend, both with my husband and without. Passed out all 3 nights. The worst was on Saturday night. I had all three kids and some friends with me, and we went to a restaurant. I drank so much that I passed out at the table and had to be driven home and put to bed, and my 11-year-old was asked by my friends to watch over my daughter while she slept. My first husband doesn't know yet, but I think my son will probably say something at some point. It's okay, I didn't tell him to keep it secret--that's not fair to a kid.
I have not been able to care for the boys or my daughter. She doesn't get proper nutrition, hygiene or all the things a little girl needs. She hasn't been in for a checkup or to see the dentist. I would take her, but I can't afford it. I could be making decent money, but sometimes I get sick and can't work. It goes in cycles. A friend suggested I put her up for adoption, and another said I should sign over custody for a while, but I don't have anyone who would take her, no family or anything. And obviously her father cannot do it. I fear I am going to lose her anyway though. She could end up in foster care because of all the above.
My ex-husband yelled at me for 15 minutes the other day. He told me to "shape up" and "act like a f**king mother" to the boys. He said they look like sh*t whenever they come home from my house, and I don't help with raising them like homework and stuff. It was upsetting, but I saw his point. My current husband has no contact with the boys. My ex had me sign a document to that effect. I agreed with it because he was not nice to them and is a bad role model, and I wouldn't let the boys around him my own self.
Since I'm trying to be honest here, even though it's really hard, I will also say that I missed my period this month and have started throwing up. I couldn't possibly have another child, no way possible, but I can't afford to terminate the pregnancy financially. I would think about adoption, but I am 41 years old and drink and use drugs. I can't imagine how the baby would end up. I can barely take care of my daughter at this point, and she is suffering, and I can't have any more children ever.
At a friend's suggestion, I did go to an AA meeting yesterday and shared some of the above. Some of the women talked to me afterwards and gave me phone numbers; however, my phone is shut off right now until I can pay for it, so I can't call anybody. I would like to go back, maybe every day, but right now I can't afford the gas and can't use my phone to try and get rides. I used to go to Al-Anon a lot to help with my husband's drinking, but I was never honest about my own substance abuse or didn't realize it was a problem. Al-Anon was wonderful and helped a lot though.
I am in tremendous fear and exhaustion. There is a good chance I will lose my apartment because I can't work and pay rent. There is a good chance I will lose my daughter. I have no insurance to go to a good rehab or sober living house. My boys are growing up without me. I love my husband dearly, but he is as sick as I am. I'm so exhausted and don't know what to do anymore. I admit that suicide has crossed my mind, but honestly I wouldn't cause my children that sort of pain and having to live knowing that, so I would never go through with it.
I hope somebody will read this and know what I should do. My children and I need help badly. Thank you.
Sounds like a difficult situation. This is a good site to find support at. I am not perfect so I will not judge. Hopefully someone will possibly provide you with information about what to do. Thanks for sharing.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 300
Cath, you have been very honest, you are in need of urgent help, your litle girl needs to be with someone immediately that can care for her, try social services, you say you have no money, then go to a neighbour and ask to use their phone, your priority is to this little girl at the moment,you know that by what you say in your post, if she goes into care now, while you are willing to put her needs first, then you will be able to have her back when you have stabilised yourself, if you dont she is going to be taken off you anyway. You say you have no money, then how are you paying for drink? . I am not judging you Cath, i am thinking of your little girl. Go and make that phone call.:praying
aka Glenna :)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Jupiter, Florida
Posts: 280
Foster care seems so awful. I wish I had family to take care of her, but I really don't have anybody. But I probably need to be locked up in a facility somewhere and get help though. As far as paying, I buy alcohol when I can, my husband pays for a lot. I haven't paid for drugs though, and have gotten them from a few friends. I have a friend addicted to pain pills and another who smokes marijuana and they both share with me.
Can I just walk into a facility with my daughter and admit myself? Where will they take her? I know anyone would be better than me right now, but I am really scared.
Can I just walk into a facility with my daughter and admit myself? Where will they take her? I know anyone would be better than me right now, but I am really scared.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 300
Originally Posted by Cath1029
Foster care seems so awful. I wish I had family to take care of her, but I really don't have anybody. But I probably need to be locked up in a facility somewhere and get help though. As far as paying, I buy alcohol when I can, my husband pays for a lot. I haven't paid for drugs though, and have gotten them from a few friends. I have a friend addicted to pain pills and another who smokes marijuana and they both share with me.
Can I just walk into a facility with my daughter and admit myself? Where will they take her? I know anyone would be better than me right now, but I am really scared.
Can I just walk into a facility with my daughter and admit myself? Where will they take her? I know anyone would be better than me right now, but I am really scared.
aka Glenna :)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Jupiter, Florida
Posts: 280
There is a place called The Pavilion about 20 minutes from here. I don't have any insurance, but maybe if I beg them and say I am suicidal they will take me. I would have to bring my daughter with me, so I guess they would call someone who could take her. I could pack some stuff for her. I don't know what else to do right now. My ex-mother-in-law lives nearby, but I think she hates me now, so I don't know if she would help me make some calls or find someone to help with my daughter. Maybe I should just go myself.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Cath assuming you live in the US here is what I would STRONGLY suggest:
1. Take care of your children first!
2. Go to social services and be TOTALLY honest about YOUR problem and tell them you need HELP and also need your children cared for. The reason I suggest you do this is because if the system takes your children away you are going to have a VERY hard and long road to travel to get them back. If you are the one who asks social services to take care of your children it shows them that you love them enough to know that you can not care for them properly until you straighten your self out.
3. After you have made sure your kids will be taken care of then you should take what ever help they can provide to get your self straightened out.
I will repeat this suggestion TAKE CARE of YOUR CHILDREN FIRST!!!!!!
If you get your self straightened out after getting your children taken care of it will be fairly easy getting them back.
If you continue on the path you are on right now and do not get your children taken care of eventually social services will take them away!
If social services take your children it will be VERY difficult to get them back.
Once you have made sure your children are cared for and safe, then you should really dedicate your self to taking care of your self.
You and your children will be in my prayers.
1. Take care of your children first!
2. Go to social services and be TOTALLY honest about YOUR problem and tell them you need HELP and also need your children cared for. The reason I suggest you do this is because if the system takes your children away you are going to have a VERY hard and long road to travel to get them back. If you are the one who asks social services to take care of your children it shows them that you love them enough to know that you can not care for them properly until you straighten your self out.
3. After you have made sure your kids will be taken care of then you should take what ever help they can provide to get your self straightened out.
I will repeat this suggestion TAKE CARE of YOUR CHILDREN FIRST!!!!!!
If you get your self straightened out after getting your children taken care of it will be fairly easy getting them back.
If you continue on the path you are on right now and do not get your children taken care of eventually social services will take them away!
If social services take your children it will be VERY difficult to get them back.
Once you have made sure your children are cared for and safe, then you should really dedicate your self to taking care of your self.
You and your children will be in my prayers.
aka Glenna :)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Jupiter, Florida
Posts: 280
I live in Florida. We have the Department of Children and Families here. Should I take my daughter into their offices? Or go straight to the Pavilion. I'm scared that if I go to DCF with no insurance, they might put me in a really bad hospital and not the Pavilion.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Hi!
I wondered how you were doing. I'm sorry you are hurting. Please call 911 and let emergency services pick you up and your daughter. They will take you to get help.
Please go to DFCS first. Get help for your little girl.
Don't let your fears keep you from taking care of her or yourself. Reach out, you will get help.
Have you got her things packed?
We care about you!
I wondered how you were doing. I'm sorry you are hurting. Please call 911 and let emergency services pick you up and your daughter. They will take you to get help.
Please go to DFCS first. Get help for your little girl.
Don't let your fears keep you from taking care of her or yourself. Reach out, you will get help.
Have you got her things packed?
We care about you!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hi Cath
I'm so sorry to read your post and hear of your situation.
Please take note of what others have said here - please go to DCFS and ask for help for you and your daughter. Then start the process of sorting yourself out.
I'm glad you posted Cath. You'll find support here
D
I'm so sorry to read your post and hear of your situation.
Please take note of what others have said here - please go to DCFS and ask for help for you and your daughter. Then start the process of sorting yourself out.
I'm glad you posted Cath. You'll find support here
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 26
I'm so sorry you're going through this and you don't have a family member that you feel you can turn to. Unfortunately, tolerance can't be taught. You said your mother-in-law hates you so you don't feel comfortable asking her to care for your daughter...where are your parents in all of this? I agree with some of the others, take care of your children first, then throw yourself on the mercy of a rehab facility, if that's what you feel that you need.
All the best,
Priss
All the best,
Priss
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,554
Cath, my heart goes out to you, but even the most impossible situations can be turned around. Nothing can be accomplished until you get well, and you already know that's the first step. This can be the beginning of a new life for you, try to look at it that way. Please let us know what happens with you - I'm sorry I don't have any specific advice.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hicktown, PA
Posts: 1,479
Cath, I don't have any specific advice either, but I want you to know we care. Please get help for you & your children. I strongly agree with Taz - if you willingly deliver your children into care, you stand a better chance of getting them back than if you wait for them to be removed. And you sound like you want the best for your kids - so give them the best - a mother who is getting help for herself and her family. You can do it.
Please don't be afraid of foster care for your daughter. We all hear the horror stories about the rare bad foster parent only because the thousands and thousands of good people who open their homes for children like your daughter aren't, sadly, considered newsworthy.
Take care & update us when you can. Jomey
Please don't be afraid of foster care for your daughter. We all hear the horror stories about the rare bad foster parent only because the thousands and thousands of good people who open their homes for children like your daughter aren't, sadly, considered newsworthy.
Take care & update us when you can. Jomey
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
cath-
i just called the pavilion and told this story annoymously to the admitting nurse.
they said that you should call child protection services to care for the child.
they also said you could call the police, who will come and help you.
they said they themselves would not be able to help you, as they do not deal with addiction.
please call someone to take your little girl to safety.
naive
i just called the pavilion and told this story annoymously to the admitting nurse.
they said that you should call child protection services to care for the child.
they also said you could call the police, who will come and help you.
they said they themselves would not be able to help you, as they do not deal with addiction.
please call someone to take your little girl to safety.
naive
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Oh Cath,
Praying that you are seeking help from the authorities -
It took a lot of courage to post what you posted today -
You are a brave woman - please continue to find that strength within you to follow thru and seek help for yourself and those beautiful children.
You can do - I'm sure you can!!
HUGS (hope, unity, gratitude and serenity)
Rita
Praying that you are seeking help from the authorities -
It took a lot of courage to post what you posted today -
You are a brave woman - please continue to find that strength within you to follow thru and seek help for yourself and those beautiful children.
You can do - I'm sure you can!!
HUGS (hope, unity, gratitude and serenity)
Rita
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 128
Cath, I have no answers for you, but I am thinking about you. I think Taz makes some VERY good points (as usual). Please don't give up! Your kids need you! You need you! You're a human being and all humans are beautiful despite our addictions or problems.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 249
Hi Cath, just wanted to see how you are doing and tell you what an extremely brave woman you are. Please take care of your daughter first....so many great suggestions above. I am saying a prayer for you.
~Jade
~Jade
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