Grandma abusing Medications
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Arizona
Posts: 318
Grandma abusing Medications
I don't know if I am looking for advice or just need a place to vent, so this will likely be a bit long.
My grandma is 69 years old and has been blind pretty much my whole life, so for almost 30 years.
She has abused and mis-used medications for over 40 years. She does have a history of depression and Bi-polar, which I believe is a big factor in her mis-using the medications.
I moved in with my grandparents 3 years ago. It was supposed to be only for a month, but my grandpa-who had always been the healthy one- began to have health problems and I ended up staying. For the most part, it has worked out. I have gotten very very close to my grandpa (who is thankfully doing much better right now) and do my best to help them both out. I have never been real close to my grandma, mainly because she is just like my mom who I don't get along with and other than updates on my grandpa, I don't have contact with her (she lives about 1200 miles away)
Last summer, grandma's abuse of medications got really out of hand. My grandpa-who is a HUGE enabler- was going to Mexico to get her medications (we live 7 miles from the border). She was going through 90 Ambien, 90 Soma and 120 pain pills a month.
It reached a point that I stepped in, I told grandpa I couldn't keep living here and he continue to go to Mexico. I felt it was like I was saying it was ok for him to do that, and it wasn't. He ended up leaving town for 2 weeks, I cleaned out the home of the pills from Mexico and confronted her.
Needless to say, she denied it all. She claimed she didn't take that much, that she went to Mexico because it was cheaper, that she often dropped the medications so she wasn't really taking that much, and on and on. She was very upset and angry, but I didn't care. I was tired of seeing what this was doing to my grandpa. I tried to get her to go into a rehab, but she refused insisting she had no problem.
Grandpa came back, we had a family meeting and all agreed no more medications from Mexico. Grandpa gave me his passport, so he could not go over the border without me giving the ok.
Soon, I found out that grandma was now getting the same medications from 2 different doctors, going to 2 different pharmacies and paying cash for some of the meds. Yes, grandpa was the one picking them up at the pharmacy, but he said he didn't pay attention to what they were. I began talking to my uncle (her son) who lives in town, trying to decide how to approach this. Before we could do anything, grandma wound up in the ER complaining of running into a dresser (remember she can't see) and knocking herself out.
I went up to the ER and called my uncle, who met me there. I brought her prescirption bottles (I got from her room) and showed the nurse how she had 1 bottle filled less than 7 days ago and all 30 pills were gone. My uncle spoke to the doctor and filled him in on what was going on. They did the MRI and found there wasn't any damage or bleeding or anything from her hitting her head.
As soon as they told her the MRI was clear, she started complaining about back pain and hip pain. Everytime they came in to ask her what the pain level was (on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the worst) she would say "9" then it was
"11". You would think that someone in the worst pain of their life would have their blood pressure slightly elevated or heart rate pounding, yet all her vitals were fine. She was discharged without any pain meds or having received any pain meds, and on the way home she asked to stop for coffee.
My uncle notifed both her doctors of what she was doing (getting the 2 prescriptions from each), and I was with her at one of the appointments when the doc confronted her. Grandma stated she didn't know Ambien was addictive, that she took more than one some nights because of back pain, and on and on. The doctor recommended she start seeing a pain management specialist.
Because I was dealing with all my grandpa's medical issues at the time, my uncle who lives here in town agreed to take this on. I would take care of grandpa, he would take care of grandma.
Let's just say that didn't last too long. After a few months, my uncle didn't go to an appointment and next thing we know, grandma says the doc didn't need to see her anymore.
Now 6 months later, she is back to taking mis-using the medication. Granted, it's coming from 1 doctor, but she would take 30 Ambien in 9 days, 90 pain pills in 7 days, and the rest of the time was miserable, making life a living h*ll for grandpa. She started to get into grandpa's pain medication, to where we now have to keep it locked up.
I told my uncle about her doing this, and asked if he could help. I was basically told he was too busy and couldn't.
Some nights grandpa and I have to carry her back to bed because she is so out of it. Grandpa is fed up, and says that he wants to leave. He is older, he is 83 and he says he doesn't want his last years to be as unhappy as she makes it.
About 2 months ago, I was with grandpa at his doctor appointment (she sees the same primary doctor) and found out that she was calling the doctor to change her pain medication, again. At this appointment, grandpa told me that grandma had someone go to Mexico to get her medication; trazadone and soma. She asked another aunt (who is an addict herself and often do anything for money) to go get them. The doctor said he didn't feel he could manage her pain and would not give her any different or more pain medication.
I asked him if he would be willing to let me take over her medical care, and he said gladly. I told him this had to include all over the counter medications, because I felt she was also mis-using benadryl and those PM medications.
We sat down with grandma, and laid it out there. Instead of being angry, I told her I was concerned. I shared with her the doctor's concerns, my concerns, how it was causing tension between her and grandpa and they were always fighting. I told her I knew about her getting the medications from Mexico, which of course she had some long explaination for that didn't make any sense. She admitted to "sometimes" taking more than what was prescribed because she couldn't sleep or was in pain. I told her I wanted to make sure her pain was treated, but that she wasn't taking too much of anything. She agreed to this, and we came up with a game plan. She gave me the medications from Mexico, and I started giving her the meds every night.
The next week we saw the neurologist (she had seen him for years for the seizure disorder), and asked if he would be willing to follow her for pain management. This doctor really jumped on her, I was shocked. He told her no one wanted to manage her pain because she abused the medications, that she took way too much of the various medications (including Imitrex for migraines....can people get a high from Imitrex?). She pretty much stayed silent. I let the doctor know that I would now be managing her medications, and I would be the one giving them to her. He agreed to give her a prescirption for pain medicine and Trazadone, as long I managed them.
I have tried all I can to help her. When she said the 1 Trazadone wasn't helping her sleep, I called the doctor and spoke to him and he prescribed for her to take 2. She said she wanted "blind people training" to learn to be more independent (even though she has been blind for almost 30 years), I have arranged this. It means that every Tuesday for the next 6 months, I will be driving her 3 hours there, sitting somewhere for 5 hours trying to get some work done for my job while she goes through the training , and driving home for 3 hours. She says her depression is really really bad (which I'm not surprised about) and I have been trying to find behavioral health services and counseling that will bill her Medicare. She wants a second opion as to if anything surgical can be done to help her back, I have started that process to get her a second opinion at the Mayo clinic (another 3 hours away).
I come home from work today-after traveling for 2 days (yeah, I also travel 1200 to 1600 miles a month for my job) and grandpa says we need to all 3 talk. Grandma has been complaining and complaining about the pain medication not doing any good. But, she has been complaining to Grandpa, not saying a word to me. So I ask her why she hasn't said anything to me, and she says she didn't think I would believe her.
I know I shouldn't have, but I got upset, though I didn't yell. I told her everything she has asked for, I have been trying to help. When the sleeping pill wasn't helping, I called the doc that day. What have I done or not done to make her believe I wouldn't help with this?
We went back and forth, and really didn't get anywhere. SHe talks in circles, and sometimes it doesn't even make sense. SHe feels I don't trust her-all because yesterday when I found out the same aunt that previously went to Mexico for her, was taking her shopping, I asked grandma for confirmation she wasn't going to ask this aunt to take her to Mexico, she was very defensive and I tried explaining I just was wanting to make sure we were still on the same page and in agreement- and am suspious of everything she does. I asked her other than yesterday, what else have I done to make her feel I don't trust her?
She didn't answer. I told her that if I didn't trust her, I would have called the aunt to make sure she wasn't going to Mexico. But I feel that I do need to trust her, so if she tells me they aren't going to Mexico, I will believe her.
Grandma says that the doctor here in town doesn't believe in pain medication (now, she had no problems with this doctor prior to the last visit, she has seen him for years and been happy with him) and she doesn't think he will help her. I said ok, then let's see someone else. I reminded her I had offered that option in the beginning, and she wanted to stay with the nuerologist.
So the plan now is to go back to the pain specialist she saw in Phoenix 9 months ago. She says her depression is worse than it has been in a long time, that she isn't sleeping well and when she does she has "dreams" that bother her. My personal unprofession opinion and having my own history- I feel she has always been able to numb herself to avoid dealing with what ever issues she has. 30-40 years ago, you didn't go to a therapist and try to deal with stuff or learn better coping skills. All they did for her was give her medications and when it was really bad, gave her electric shock (which messed her up even more so) and sent her home. So all she has done is medicate herself with these pills to knock her out for days at a time.
I can't find anyone who takes Medicare here in town for her behavioral health needs and counseling, so I told her I will make an appointment out of town-since we have to travel there every Tuesday as it is.
I know grandma has pain, and I don't want her to be in pain. But I get so frustrated at the same time. I am frustrated that no one else in the family will help or step up. When I have asked for help, I am told they are too busy. I can't rely on my one aunt who got the meds from Mexico. I am tired. Some days, like today, I want to just walk away and not deal with it. They have 4 kids, why aren't any of them stepping up??
I won't walk away, only because of my grandpa. Despite how long he has enabled grandma, he is a great guy. THe best guy I know. I am doing this for him, because he deserves a break from having to deal with all this. He has done good with our agreement- not giving her any of his pain medication, not calling the doctor or going to the pharmacy, telling her (even though she doesn't listen) to tell me if her pain medication isn't working.
I feel like I am doing what needs to be done, going through a pain specialist, trying to find her help for the underlying issue. But am I?
Ugh. This is much longer than I planned on it to be, yet I still left much out. I guess I just needed a good vent session.
My grandma is 69 years old and has been blind pretty much my whole life, so for almost 30 years.
She has abused and mis-used medications for over 40 years. She does have a history of depression and Bi-polar, which I believe is a big factor in her mis-using the medications.
I moved in with my grandparents 3 years ago. It was supposed to be only for a month, but my grandpa-who had always been the healthy one- began to have health problems and I ended up staying. For the most part, it has worked out. I have gotten very very close to my grandpa (who is thankfully doing much better right now) and do my best to help them both out. I have never been real close to my grandma, mainly because she is just like my mom who I don't get along with and other than updates on my grandpa, I don't have contact with her (she lives about 1200 miles away)
Last summer, grandma's abuse of medications got really out of hand. My grandpa-who is a HUGE enabler- was going to Mexico to get her medications (we live 7 miles from the border). She was going through 90 Ambien, 90 Soma and 120 pain pills a month.
It reached a point that I stepped in, I told grandpa I couldn't keep living here and he continue to go to Mexico. I felt it was like I was saying it was ok for him to do that, and it wasn't. He ended up leaving town for 2 weeks, I cleaned out the home of the pills from Mexico and confronted her.
Needless to say, she denied it all. She claimed she didn't take that much, that she went to Mexico because it was cheaper, that she often dropped the medications so she wasn't really taking that much, and on and on. She was very upset and angry, but I didn't care. I was tired of seeing what this was doing to my grandpa. I tried to get her to go into a rehab, but she refused insisting she had no problem.
Grandpa came back, we had a family meeting and all agreed no more medications from Mexico. Grandpa gave me his passport, so he could not go over the border without me giving the ok.
Soon, I found out that grandma was now getting the same medications from 2 different doctors, going to 2 different pharmacies and paying cash for some of the meds. Yes, grandpa was the one picking them up at the pharmacy, but he said he didn't pay attention to what they were. I began talking to my uncle (her son) who lives in town, trying to decide how to approach this. Before we could do anything, grandma wound up in the ER complaining of running into a dresser (remember she can't see) and knocking herself out.
I went up to the ER and called my uncle, who met me there. I brought her prescirption bottles (I got from her room) and showed the nurse how she had 1 bottle filled less than 7 days ago and all 30 pills were gone. My uncle spoke to the doctor and filled him in on what was going on. They did the MRI and found there wasn't any damage or bleeding or anything from her hitting her head.
As soon as they told her the MRI was clear, she started complaining about back pain and hip pain. Everytime they came in to ask her what the pain level was (on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the worst) she would say "9" then it was
"11". You would think that someone in the worst pain of their life would have their blood pressure slightly elevated or heart rate pounding, yet all her vitals were fine. She was discharged without any pain meds or having received any pain meds, and on the way home she asked to stop for coffee.
My uncle notifed both her doctors of what she was doing (getting the 2 prescriptions from each), and I was with her at one of the appointments when the doc confronted her. Grandma stated she didn't know Ambien was addictive, that she took more than one some nights because of back pain, and on and on. The doctor recommended she start seeing a pain management specialist.
Because I was dealing with all my grandpa's medical issues at the time, my uncle who lives here in town agreed to take this on. I would take care of grandpa, he would take care of grandma.
Let's just say that didn't last too long. After a few months, my uncle didn't go to an appointment and next thing we know, grandma says the doc didn't need to see her anymore.
Now 6 months later, she is back to taking mis-using the medication. Granted, it's coming from 1 doctor, but she would take 30 Ambien in 9 days, 90 pain pills in 7 days, and the rest of the time was miserable, making life a living h*ll for grandpa. She started to get into grandpa's pain medication, to where we now have to keep it locked up.
I told my uncle about her doing this, and asked if he could help. I was basically told he was too busy and couldn't.
Some nights grandpa and I have to carry her back to bed because she is so out of it. Grandpa is fed up, and says that he wants to leave. He is older, he is 83 and he says he doesn't want his last years to be as unhappy as she makes it.
About 2 months ago, I was with grandpa at his doctor appointment (she sees the same primary doctor) and found out that she was calling the doctor to change her pain medication, again. At this appointment, grandpa told me that grandma had someone go to Mexico to get her medication; trazadone and soma. She asked another aunt (who is an addict herself and often do anything for money) to go get them. The doctor said he didn't feel he could manage her pain and would not give her any different or more pain medication.
I asked him if he would be willing to let me take over her medical care, and he said gladly. I told him this had to include all over the counter medications, because I felt she was also mis-using benadryl and those PM medications.
We sat down with grandma, and laid it out there. Instead of being angry, I told her I was concerned. I shared with her the doctor's concerns, my concerns, how it was causing tension between her and grandpa and they were always fighting. I told her I knew about her getting the medications from Mexico, which of course she had some long explaination for that didn't make any sense. She admitted to "sometimes" taking more than what was prescribed because she couldn't sleep or was in pain. I told her I wanted to make sure her pain was treated, but that she wasn't taking too much of anything. She agreed to this, and we came up with a game plan. She gave me the medications from Mexico, and I started giving her the meds every night.
The next week we saw the neurologist (she had seen him for years for the seizure disorder), and asked if he would be willing to follow her for pain management. This doctor really jumped on her, I was shocked. He told her no one wanted to manage her pain because she abused the medications, that she took way too much of the various medications (including Imitrex for migraines....can people get a high from Imitrex?). She pretty much stayed silent. I let the doctor know that I would now be managing her medications, and I would be the one giving them to her. He agreed to give her a prescirption for pain medicine and Trazadone, as long I managed them.
I have tried all I can to help her. When she said the 1 Trazadone wasn't helping her sleep, I called the doctor and spoke to him and he prescribed for her to take 2. She said she wanted "blind people training" to learn to be more independent (even though she has been blind for almost 30 years), I have arranged this. It means that every Tuesday for the next 6 months, I will be driving her 3 hours there, sitting somewhere for 5 hours trying to get some work done for my job while she goes through the training , and driving home for 3 hours. She says her depression is really really bad (which I'm not surprised about) and I have been trying to find behavioral health services and counseling that will bill her Medicare. She wants a second opion as to if anything surgical can be done to help her back, I have started that process to get her a second opinion at the Mayo clinic (another 3 hours away).
I come home from work today-after traveling for 2 days (yeah, I also travel 1200 to 1600 miles a month for my job) and grandpa says we need to all 3 talk. Grandma has been complaining and complaining about the pain medication not doing any good. But, she has been complaining to Grandpa, not saying a word to me. So I ask her why she hasn't said anything to me, and she says she didn't think I would believe her.
I know I shouldn't have, but I got upset, though I didn't yell. I told her everything she has asked for, I have been trying to help. When the sleeping pill wasn't helping, I called the doc that day. What have I done or not done to make her believe I wouldn't help with this?
We went back and forth, and really didn't get anywhere. SHe talks in circles, and sometimes it doesn't even make sense. SHe feels I don't trust her-all because yesterday when I found out the same aunt that previously went to Mexico for her, was taking her shopping, I asked grandma for confirmation she wasn't going to ask this aunt to take her to Mexico, she was very defensive and I tried explaining I just was wanting to make sure we were still on the same page and in agreement- and am suspious of everything she does. I asked her other than yesterday, what else have I done to make her feel I don't trust her?
She didn't answer. I told her that if I didn't trust her, I would have called the aunt to make sure she wasn't going to Mexico. But I feel that I do need to trust her, so if she tells me they aren't going to Mexico, I will believe her.
Grandma says that the doctor here in town doesn't believe in pain medication (now, she had no problems with this doctor prior to the last visit, she has seen him for years and been happy with him) and she doesn't think he will help her. I said ok, then let's see someone else. I reminded her I had offered that option in the beginning, and she wanted to stay with the nuerologist.
So the plan now is to go back to the pain specialist she saw in Phoenix 9 months ago. She says her depression is worse than it has been in a long time, that she isn't sleeping well and when she does she has "dreams" that bother her. My personal unprofession opinion and having my own history- I feel she has always been able to numb herself to avoid dealing with what ever issues she has. 30-40 years ago, you didn't go to a therapist and try to deal with stuff or learn better coping skills. All they did for her was give her medications and when it was really bad, gave her electric shock (which messed her up even more so) and sent her home. So all she has done is medicate herself with these pills to knock her out for days at a time.
I can't find anyone who takes Medicare here in town for her behavioral health needs and counseling, so I told her I will make an appointment out of town-since we have to travel there every Tuesday as it is.
I know grandma has pain, and I don't want her to be in pain. But I get so frustrated at the same time. I am frustrated that no one else in the family will help or step up. When I have asked for help, I am told they are too busy. I can't rely on my one aunt who got the meds from Mexico. I am tired. Some days, like today, I want to just walk away and not deal with it. They have 4 kids, why aren't any of them stepping up??
I won't walk away, only because of my grandpa. Despite how long he has enabled grandma, he is a great guy. THe best guy I know. I am doing this for him, because he deserves a break from having to deal with all this. He has done good with our agreement- not giving her any of his pain medication, not calling the doctor or going to the pharmacy, telling her (even though she doesn't listen) to tell me if her pain medication isn't working.
I feel like I am doing what needs to be done, going through a pain specialist, trying to find her help for the underlying issue. But am I?
Ugh. This is much longer than I planned on it to be, yet I still left much out. I guess I just needed a good vent session.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
I'm so sorry for you Jessica. Your grandma is a drug addict. Your grandpa AND you are enabeling this. Gosh your grandma whose supposed to be making homemade chocolate cookies for you and your friends is going to be a drug addict///// but she is. I can for sure tell that your HEAD is in the right place, but your CONSCIENCE is fighting it though I know you need to listen to it.. My best advice is to follow your gut girl. THANK YOU for posting your story and I'm sorry you are here.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Arizona
Posts: 318
Originally Posted by Callie 
I'm so sorry for you Jessica. Your grandma is a drug addict. Your grandpa AND you are enabeling this. Gosh your grandma whose supposed to be making homemade chocolate cookies for you and your friends is going to be a drug addict///// but she is. I can for sure tell that your HEAD is in the right place, but your CONSCIENCE is fighting it though I know you need to listen to it.. My best advice is to follow your gut girl. THANK YOU for posting your story and I'm sorry you are here.
Am I enabling her? I didn't think I was......but now I don't know. I mean, she has had legit tests to show she has legit reasons to be in pain.
My conscience actually isn't bothering me, other than just being stressed with work and trying to care for my grandparents, and frustrated no one else in the family will help out. And my gut tells me I'm doing the right thing.....
but am I enabling her?
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