My Heartstrings
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 39
My Heartstrings
He keeps tugging on them. It's been two months of not living together, I've filed for divorce, have court ordered support, that he has not given me one dime of, and yet he wants, "to be friends, can you please be nice to me?", and I say when you give me money for the bills we can be friends...he's making plenty living with his mother, collecting unemployment, and working under the table. I pay for everything including his truck (in my name) and I constantly am a broken record, "If you go to rehab and work a program and stay clean I will consider a life with you, until then it is absolutely over."
How do you deal with all the feelings when they are nice to you with words but no action....ugghhh...I've been SO strong ALL week, really tough, really not sad and today I am so sad.
How do you deal with all the feelings when they are nice to you with words but no action....ugghhh...I've been SO strong ALL week, really tough, really not sad and today I am so sad.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
hi, for me, it was hard enough to not be without my ah but it was even harder to be without him while listening to all the nice talk knowing that he was doing nothing to help better himself, showing no backing actions.
how did i deal with it? eventually i had to stop listening(no contact) cause listening too long eventually led to him coming home to start the cycle all over again, even though his actions clearly proved that he was the same or worse than he was before he left and that he still was not ready to commit to getting better.
it is tough and sad but it does get easier as long as you concentrate on you. besides, you not being there at the drop of a hat, may be what is needed or may not be, to kind of push him in a right direction. take care of you and let him do the same. i'll be praying for you.
how did i deal with it? eventually i had to stop listening(no contact) cause listening too long eventually led to him coming home to start the cycle all over again, even though his actions clearly proved that he was the same or worse than he was before he left and that he still was not ready to commit to getting better.
it is tough and sad but it does get easier as long as you concentrate on you. besides, you not being there at the drop of a hat, may be what is needed or may not be, to kind of push him in a right direction. take care of you and let him do the same. i'll be praying for you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 39
the truck is a lease, and I am only one on it, we also have another car in both of our names that I drive and pay for. I have to pay the lease payments and I will take it back soon, but legally bc we are married he gets one of the cars no matter whose name its in, I am taking him back to court soon; called lawyer last week to complain he's not paying and last time we went to court it was to get a restraining order modified so I could get child support and I also included the monthly truck payment and he agreed however my lawyer says we have to go back to court to enforce it now...so he will be getting in trouble eventually the annoying part is how he will text me with, "you are my wife and my partner so play nice and you will get more than the court ordered blah blah", yet it 's alllll talk and I know this.
I told him only his actions will show if he means what he says, and that I was a GOOD partner to him for a long time and he abused that privilege and he doesn't get to have it anymore.
I told him only his actions will show if he means what he says, and that I was a GOOD partner to him for a long time and he abused that privilege and he doesn't get to have it anymore.
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 39
Just an update....
He finally got served his divorce papers last week and then sent me a ton of texts/emails telling me that I am "taking the easy way out and only care about myself and not the kids or him", like being a single divorced mother is something I dream about....wth???
and the truck, I put it on craigslist and had a ton of replies within hours, people with good credit ready to assume the lease immediately. I told him this and that I was taking the truck that night and then and ONLY THEN would he FINALLY give me the money for the payment....it's always got to be extreme and he's always got to push me to the wall to get anything done...
So after getting hit with divorce papers he told me he was going to "take care of this **** once and for all and get it over with over the weekend and stay in bed and be done with the pills" like I am supposed to believe that he just detoxed for good. The bottom line is he still doesn't accept that his drug abuse has caused all of this he is still blaming and I am still taking care of myself and the kids and pushing forward....
He finally got served his divorce papers last week and then sent me a ton of texts/emails telling me that I am "taking the easy way out and only care about myself and not the kids or him", like being a single divorced mother is something I dream about....wth???
and the truck, I put it on craigslist and had a ton of replies within hours, people with good credit ready to assume the lease immediately. I told him this and that I was taking the truck that night and then and ONLY THEN would he FINALLY give me the money for the payment....it's always got to be extreme and he's always got to push me to the wall to get anything done...
So after getting hit with divorce papers he told me he was going to "take care of this **** once and for all and get it over with over the weekend and stay in bed and be done with the pills" like I am supposed to believe that he just detoxed for good. The bottom line is he still doesn't accept that his drug abuse has caused all of this he is still blaming and I am still taking care of myself and the kids and pushing forward....
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 168
blusunflower-
I think I could have written your post. I have days where I feel sooo strong and I have days where I feel sooo weak. Sometimes, I fall back and listen to the manipulative words my AH uses to get back in my good graces. I agree with anvilhead, the best way to know if he means the words he is saying is by watching his ACTIONS. I know you love the "old him," the guy he was when he wasn't using but that is NOT the man that you will be getting if you decided to back down now. I have faith in YOU AND ME. Be strong and think about what is best for YOU and your children. We can do it!!!
I think I could have written your post. I have days where I feel sooo strong and I have days where I feel sooo weak. Sometimes, I fall back and listen to the manipulative words my AH uses to get back in my good graces. I agree with anvilhead, the best way to know if he means the words he is saying is by watching his ACTIONS. I know you love the "old him," the guy he was when he wasn't using but that is NOT the man that you will be getting if you decided to back down now. I have faith in YOU AND ME. Be strong and think about what is best for YOU and your children. We can do it!!!
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