isurvived

I have decided to drug test my teenage son. I believe he has been smoking pot. This concerns me as he has also been driving while high.

I have set down some new rules... no driving until he can pass a drug test. I will test him every 30 days, and if he passes, he gets to drive. If he fails, no driving period!

Of course I know he might try to alter the test results - I have heard of users doing that... and want to be knowledgeable about what is the best test, and how it could be altered.

Any insight would be helpful.

Thanks.

Taking5

There are lots of ways to pass a drug test, the most common is to use someone else's urine. So you need to WATCH him pee. Also you can hide urine in bags around your body, and pretend it is yours, they catch this by taking the temperature of the urine. They also have fake penises for sale that hold the clean urine sample and unless you really know what you are looking for, you'll never be able to tell the difference. Finally there are all kinds of masking agents for sale.

I cannot say which drug test is the best but it is most likely nothing you can buy easily.

Bottom line if you don't trust him why let him drive at all?

Impurrfect

I wouldn't waste my time on an over-the-counter drug screen for weed. The reason I say this is there is a very common, over-the-counter vitamin that most kids know about that will show them "clean" for pot when they are not.

My 16-year-old niece and her best friend threw this in my face when I mentioned the fact that they would probably be drug tested as they are looking for jobs (actually it was the friend...my niece knows better). I won't mention what it is here, but most kids know about it, and they have no problem taking a drug test.

However, if you want to know what it is, pm me and then take him to a lab and tell him to test him for that also. I told the girls that this stuff is old news, most drugs screens already know about it and test for it, too, so stop thinking they're so smart. They both looked at me with eyes wide open and it did scare them. My niece has stopped smoking. She says "it's too expensive and she doesn't want to fail a drug screen" whatever works!!

I'm not trying to be evasive, I just don't thing it's a good thing to say what it is on this site, ya know?

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Spiritual Seeker

You can tell if he has smoked pot by looking at his eyes.
I bought reliable
drug tests from internet sight.
When my son lived at home I gave unannounced tests and stood in bathroom behind him so he couldn't fake test.
There is no need for discussion or argument if it is your home, your car and he is a minor.

MyJoey

I have to agree with the girls above, the test are a waste of time. I know with my son I could tell by the look in his eyes for a long time, then he started using eye drops so I had a harder time telling. My son started with pot and moved quickly to harder drugs and before long it wasn't even my son anymore, just some stranger in my sons body. The driving was really a hard one for me because it was his car and his insurance and I was so worried that he would not only hurt himself, but hurt others. While I know not everyone will agree with what I did, I felt with him I had no choice he was using way to many drugs and losing a grip on life quickly (There is much more to this story). Every time he came home I searched him and when I found drugs I called the police and had him arrested, not an easy thing to do and with my son we had to do it many times to get him the help he needed and in a rehab. Trust your gut feeling if you feel he is using and you can take the keys do it, your son will lie and tell you he's not, but trust your gut because he will get very good at deceiving you. I think 75 percent of the kids in high school have tried weed, hopefully that is all he is doing and it will pass. Not all kids that get high become addicts, just keep talking, praying, watching and above all stay firm no drugs. Julie

tjp613

The other alternative is to take him in for a hair test, but you have to take him to the lab, or get a lock of hair yourself. The hair sample test is more reliable and informative. I don't think there's anything they can do to beat a hair test.

barblsn

Trust your gut. If you think he's using; he is. And why not put the burden of proof on him?

isurvived

You all are right... the burden of proof should be on him. Question is how do you believe proof from a 17 YO?

This morning I found a syringe taped to the inside of the waste basket liner in the bathroom. It had no needle, just the syringe. I am assuming the liquid in it was urine.

Based on that, I feel he's going to an extent to cover his actions - premeditated. Therfore his driving rights are suspended indefinetely!

At 17, he's adult enough to know what consequences are. He's seen where drug use takes people... his brother and alcoholic father were prime examples. This boy has been a jewel - and I never expected this pot smoking to be an interest of his. Quite a surprise for me.

smacked

Most tests, other than a hair test.. can be altered/cheated/ whatever. Even still there's shampoo on the market for those.

HOWEVER. Most tests that are 'cheated' on, are done so because the person knows in advance they'll be taken. It's all about the surprise factor And yeah.. lets HOPE that syringe originally had pee in it. Since you found it, now you get to watch him pee. He's a minor, it's still your right to do what you want.

Done_With_It

Syringe taped to a garbage can is great proof. Good for you for taking away his driving privileges.

Honestly I don't think he is adult enough to know the consequeces at 17.
At 17 they still think it won't happen to me. The frontal lobe, is not always functioning fully in teenagers they aren't thinking through the consequences of their behaviors.


Here's a great article on teenagers brains.

frontline: inside the teenage brain: interviews: deborah yurgelun-todd | PBS

outtolunch

Some private schools are doing routine multi-panel hair testing. All students and their parents consent to and pay for such testing each school year.

Hair testing is highly accurate so long as sufficient amount of hair is removed at the scalp line.

BigSis

Addiction is a condition that has a genetic predisposition. Also, 95% of young people experiment with drugs and alcohol by the time they are 25. The ten percent (or more) that develop addiction are FAR along the path before they rack up enough consequences to convince them they are somehow different from all the folks around them who are using in the same way.

Addiction can be described as a gentle arc line.... at the beginning is a crowd of kids all trying on different experiences and persona the way they try on clothing. As consequences occur, more and more drop off the arc, leaving fewer and fewer of us still using and trying new and different mind and mood alterations.

Eventually, we are so stuck at looking DOWN the arc at those behind us, we fail to see that the majority of our peers have moved on to college and careers and no longer drink and drug the same way we do. At that point, we may have already had many consequences and chosen to rationalize the whys and wherefores about our poor luck.

At some point, we start getting interventions... losing friends, losing loved ones, losing cars, houses, jobs and health issues. And it sometimes takes ALL of these things before we begin to see how different we are from those around us.


As a mom of two addicts, all I can do is not enable, set boundaries and stick to them... EVEN (or, perhaps ESPECIALLY) when the consequences are difficult. Because it takes these difficult consequences to break through our denial of addiction or the delusion that we can control our using.

My first boundaries were too big - use and you are OUT of my house. And because they were so big, I was unable to follow through. This boundary around driving seems reasonable to me. The key will be understanding that it might not be a silver bullet, but it will definitely set a foundation that your son will NEED when he finally makes the decision to not use or drink.

In the interim, I urge you to find an Alanon or Naraon meeting that you like and add it to your weekly itenerary.... they saved my life, and my sanity.


(((hugs))))

isurvived

What I'd like to show him is some hard proof, and hard stories from people who were "pot heads" and how it ruined their lives.

Freedom1990

Although I can appreciate your line of thinking, I doubt it would have any impact on him.

I was bullet-proof at age 17. No one knew more than me (or so I thought).

My now 31 year old AD saw the worst of the worst in addiction with her stepfather and me both.

It didn't change her path one bit, not one iota.

marle

You don't have to have others tell their stories because if he keeps going down this road he will soon be living those stories. Boundaries for you, consequences for him. It may or may not work as we all have our paths in life. I like the way BigSis put it. Hugs, Marle

Impurrfect

My 16-year-old niece says she "really, really likes to smoke weed". This child knows all about my crack addiction, and I was living here (she is being raised by my stepmom and dad) when I relapsed, so she saw what my dad went through the week I disappeared.

What's worse is her dad is an addict. Her mom died when my niece was 1. Her "dad", J, has been in jail/prison most of her life. She was crying, one day, saying how she never thought he would ever not want anything to do with her, that he would want drugs more.

I told her that he didn't start out that way, that he started out the same way she did..he "really, really liked" whatever he started out with. I explained to her that I abused a lot of things, weed included, for years, and I didn't change..I still loved my family, I worked, I went to school, etc. But then I tried crack, and it got hold of me. I told her it didn't happen the first time I smoked it, not even the 2nd.

I explained to her that it just kinda took over me, and at some point I didn't care about anything but getting high. I told her that's what happened with her "dad" and that's what scared the hell out of me about her...she has addiction in every single member of her biological family (she's the daughter of my stepsister). I told her that you don't know which drug is going to be the one that does this to you, and YES, some people get like this on weed.

Did it have any impact? I don't know. It helps that her "dad" is now back in prison for breaking INTO a police dept. evidence room and stealing drugs, guns, and money and is looking at 30 years and trying, desperately to get back in her life. She wants nothing to do with him.

She's seen what drugs do, yet the child has been smoking weed since she was 12.

She announced, last weekend, she was done with the weed. Will it last? I don't know. Does it have anything to do with what I told her? I don't know...I hope so, but I don't know.

I know she watches me wait tables every day and it is a consequence of my using. She remembers when I was an RN, making good money and driving a convertible.

I know I'm bouncing all over the place, but with all that my niece knows, none of it stopped her from smoking pot. I think consequences speak louder than anything we can say.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy