worthyoflove

I was good friends with a member of AA since high school. I believed in my head that we were best friends. Reality hit and I realized we were not in the category of close, intimate friends. She kept breaking promises and my trust. I saw her as the problem, when it was actually me wanting her to be in the category of close, intimate friendships. Category A friendships are for those people you can really count on, don't break promises, don't violate your trust, know your darker side. A spouse falls into this category, as well. Most people have 1 or 2 friends that fit this category. Recovery has shown me that I did not have anyone in the A category. I was cognizant of how good of a friend I was by being trustworthy, being there in good times and bad, being supportive, etc. My old behavior would just jump in to be that level A friend. Now, I take my time to see if the other person is worthy of being in that category. If not, then they can be an acquaintance, a friend just to do fun things with, or someone who has the same goals in life. Today, I have no friends in category A. I pray HP will guide me to a friend who can fit in this category.

Tryingtobefree

WOL, thank you very much for posting this. It was just what I needed to hear today.

One of my best friends and I had a terrible "fight" yesterday via text message and I've been very upset about it all day wondering what to do about it.

Long story short, we've been very close for 10 years. We had my nephews graduation party yesterday (he is more of a son to me than a nephew for numerous reasons) and almost 4 hours after the party started (catered dinner had been served and people were leaving) she still hadn't come to the party.

I sent her a text an hour after the party started asking where she was and she said she would be there shortly.

3 hours after that I sent her another text telling her that I couldn't believe she didn't come to his party.

She responded with very nasty texts that just went for my throat.

There were no extenuating circumstances or "emergencies" that prevented her from coming.

I was stunned both by the fact that she hadn't come and then by the viciousness of her responses. Even more so because I had spent the previous 3 days living at her house taking care of her after minor outpatient surgery (no, this would not have prevented her from coming and she was completely mobile by Thursday) and had to scramble to finish everything for his party.

Unfortunately, I think she is one of those people I now have to put in the "acquaintance" category.

It hurts but this helped me put it in perspective.

Thank you.

worthyoflove

Sorry to hear about what happened to you. I wish I would have learned this long ago. At least, I can pass this on to my children.