BS08

I've discovered that I really need to start working on this. I had actually met a very cute fellow this past weekend who seemed interested in me, even hunted down my email, but I just look at it and think I have nothing to offer this guy!! I know that's not true, but the feelings of unworthiness were surprisingly overwhelming. I want to get past this feeling so that I CAN find a worthy relationship in the near future. Not ready right now, and it's only been 4 months (feels like an eternity though), but I would like to be back in a relationship.

Tips?

Thanks....

Pelican

What have you tried?

Self help books, Al Anon, some counseling and SR have been helpful for me.

BS08

My therapist, Bettie's books, and talking with friends, but it's still pretty low....

Pelican

Which of Beatties books?
When was the last time you did the excercises in the books?

worthyoflove

Have you worked the steps?

freya

Yes!!!!.....Working the Steps, with a good sponsor, will definitely be very helpful for several reasons:

1) Makes you look realistically at your whole self -- the strengths and the weaknesses -- with the help of a loving and trustworthy guide, who, if she is doing her job well, will not let you get away with ignoring or downplaying your assets and will be able to help you put your liabilities in proper perspective (i.e. No, you really are not the worst person or the biggest "loser" in the world; there are, in fact, many, many other people who make the same -- or worse -- mistakes and who struggle with the same -- or worse -- shortcomings you do!)

2) Gives you detailed instructions on how to go about cleaning up the wreckage of your past and getting out from underneath the crippling shame of your "secrets."

3) Leads you into a good, close relationship with your HP. And this is actually the most important part...because, once you know in your heart of hearts that you are "good enough" for HP, you have no choice but to accept the fact that that you are "good enough" period.

4) The design for living outlined in the Steps works for any situation or problem. Once it becomes a "way of life" for you, you will feel much more confident about being able to work through, in a healthy productive way, whatever life brings your way.

..and, in the meantime, you can work on "acting as if." Ask yourself-- and your sponsor -- in each situation: "What would a confident person with high self-esteem do here?" -- then do it as best you can. The better you get at doing "esteemable" things, the more self-esteem you will have....because it really is true that, although we cannot think our way into better acting, we can act our way into better thinking!

freya

brundle

Well first; not everyone is the same.

I have to agree with the steps. Here are a few other things in addition to the steps that have helped me in that area.

"The Confident Woman" by Joyce Meyer; this book really saved my life and brought me closer to my HP. I'm a huge Joyce Meyer fan now. She's on TV daily, I never miss I show. She also has a web site.

The next thing that made my self-esteme sky rocket was working out. This is really hard for me due to MS. I'm in so much pain, but when I was younger I really liked at least walking. So I didn't even start with something wimpy. I got Jillian Micheals (from the biggest looser) "NO more trouble zones" a 50 minute kick butt work-out. I think I could only do 10 minutes 9 months ago. Now I look great and feel even better. I can even walk in a mall a little bit without my cane. I haven't been able to do that in years!!! Better then that Jillian's "don't take no crap" style is rubbing off a bit and I've been able to stand up for my self more!!!

I still have plenty of stuff to work on (like mental stuff); but luckily I feel good about 'me' over all. I hope that helps.

alwaysthinking2

Setting goals and working towards them in small, incremental steps has worked well for me. I quit smoking and started running. Every time I used to light up, it chipped away at my self-esteem. Every time I go running, I build it up.

Being in nature works wonders for me, too.

at2

BS08

Beattie's books I have are "Co no more" and her 2 "Letting Go" books. I also just recently bought the 12 Steps for Co-dependents. I think working the steps seriously will really help. I have neglected to do them or the exercises in the book, and I think that is one of the problems. I've been just keeping myself really busy the past few months (with good and fun stuff) that I haven't given myself time to just be and focus on that. I think I've been avoiding it. That's a really good suggestion.

Exercise is right on as well. I'm really active, and currently training for a 24 hr relay, but have slacked off on running like I should do to slipping into depression here and there. My motivation was just gone. I always feel good after running or some kind of activity.

I'm also adopting a rescue dog this week, and I think she will help loads. I'll HAVE to go out, even if I get depressed because she'll need the exercise. And dogs are magic healers....

Thanks for the suggestions....