kv816

I've been "stuck" on step two for.........about a year now. lol It's the whole "higher power" thing I think.

I was raised in a Christian home. We started going to church when I was in the 4th grade I think. Right before high school my A father, a couple years after sobering up, decided he wanted to be a preacher and went to seminary. So the church has been my life since child hood.

I remember telling my mom once, I was maybe 16, that I didn't believe in God. I believed there was something bigger out there, but I didn't believe in God like she or dad did. She stopped making me go to church with them. I've probably gone a handful of times over the last 10 years and was relieved when my work schedule changed to have me working on Sunday's.

Came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.

Hmm, that's a tough one for me.

I have been through hell all my life and each time something went wrong, something happened to fix it. But whatever fixed it was something I could look back on and be specific on why or how it got fixed--I went to counseling for the emotional help, I got another job or a loan for the financial help, I moved to another state for the mental help. Whatever was done for me I could look back and say who or what did what I needed.

Now step 2 is asking me to just believe that something beyond my reach of sight, smell, taste did it. It wants me to believe for the first time in my life that my sanity is regained by "just was". It wants me to put my trust and my faith in something I cannot judge.

And I struggle to do that. I struggle with "just because". No one has ever just fixed my life just because. I go forward in my journey because I changed or I desired or I earned. Not because someone or something came to me in some way, shape or form and said "HERE".

So how do I move past step two if I don't believe there is anyone or anything out there that I can look to and say "here ya go, you deal with it"?

freya

I don't understand where you are getting this idea from in Step 2.

For me it's never, ever been the case that HP "came to my rescue" when I just sat on my *ss and refused to do my part.

No matter what the situation is, I have my part to do....and turning it over to HP if I'm not doing my part or instead of doing my part does not constitute working my program -- it constitutes copping out.

What my part is in any given situation is going to depend on the situation and on how healthy I am in that situation: sometimes my part is relatively big, and it's "easy" to miss or overlook how HP is also at work in the situation; other times my part is very, very minimal and modest, and it's a lot easier to see how much HP is, indeed, doing for me.

So, I guess what I'm saying is that I personally don't see anything in your OP that actually leads me to believe that you don't have plenty of evidence that HP is hard at work in your life.....In fact, it sounds to me like there have been times in the past when you have done your part and HP has indeed come through for you.

So, maybe it's just a question of what you're choosing to see?

Of course, we each have the right to choose to see things however we choose to see them. But, it does seem likely that, if the way you're choosing to see them is pretty much the same way you've been choosing to see them since you were 16 and if that way of seeing things has been working fantastically well for you, then you probably would not be trying to work a 12 Step program to begin with. So, it might be worth your time and effort to try to choose to see them a different way??????

"Some of us tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely." (from Chapter 5, "How It Works," of Alcoholics Anonymous)

Anyway, this is my Step 2 story (and a whole Step 2 thread) -- and, yeah, I guess you could say "I just was, just because":

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2063310

freya

BTW, my best guess, given how much you seem to be struggling with this, is that, at this point "your part" is to do everything you can to cultivate openness and willingness.......or to try to practice "the willing suspension of disbelief."

bookwyrm

As an atheist, I too have trouble with the whole HP concept. I found the proactive 12 steps workbook and it has helped my understanding of the steps enormously! It is downloaded from here: The Proactive Twelve Steps workbook It rewords the steps in a way (for me anyway) that makes them easy to understand and makes no mention of higher powers etc. Step 2 reads:
I'm willing to let go of my usual ways, in the hope that this will help me see things from a broader perspective.

Its all about letting go of how you usually do things and stepping back. Its about you, your reactions and attitudes to things.

TakingCharge999

Hi,

I will sound like a hippie.

Could you substitute HP with Nature?

Nature gave you life and the body you inhabit and the strength of the human spirit and resilience while you improved your life.

Watch a few of these pictures...
HubbleSite - Showcase: Entire Collection

... certainly they give a different perspective

Deb045

It is a simple program-when I quit wasting my time trying to figure out every little detail and stuck around the meetings long enough all I had to do was look around and see there were many, many,many people that had found the way to stop picking up a drink-EVER-and they kept there jobs and didn't owe anyone money-they had an inner peace-willingness to share of there time and experience that worked for them--I realized they had the knowledge of a Power greater than me and I wanted it too--I asked questions, listened w/o debating them about everthing I didn't understand yet..I surrendered to that simple reality for some time....Now I have my own understanding of this Power that is personal to me...and grows more durable and precious every day that I stay on the path of HUMILITY, GRATITUDE, & SERENITY...........

Rob B

You're over analyzing, step two asks us to open up to the possibility that maybe just maybe there exist something out there that is greater than our own sphere of influence, that's it. Became willing. Are you?

A mustard seed of faith is enough to move you past this hurdle. The sun came up this morning, did you do it? I don't post on this forum but the thread title caught my eye, feel free to PM if I can help. This is about spirit, not formal dogma, it is open to all who seek. By the way, I am by no means a religious man.

navysteve

AA is a power greater than me
The police are a power greater than me
The judicial system is a power greater than me
etc...

I do not believe in a conventional view of God. I do not believe that Jesus rose from the dead and turned water into wine, raised the dead etc...

I do have an understanding that works for me. That is the freedom we have in AA. Throw out your old ideas. You aren't in church. Your issues with religion are irrelevant here. The Lords prayer can be an obstacle, but if we open our minds to it we find that it is quite universal.

Who says you can't judge it? Just judge it intelligently. Watch people come into AA and get their lives together. That should be proof enough. Watch a family reunite, see an illiterate learn to read and go on to college, work through the steps yourself and heal old scars. You may not be able to measure it scientifically ( many have tried) but you can surely judge it and see its results.

What are you expecting? This sounds like you want God to act like Santa Claus. I don't mean to sound rude, but this is how it sounds to me. Emotional Sobriety isn't free. It takes effort on your part. Your will plays a key part in this. We can focus on the questions that cannot be answered. I know that I couldn't stop drinking on my own, I always started again at some point. Since I stopped asking why and started asking how I haven't found the need to pick up a drink. That has been almost 20 years now. The obsession has been removed from me, and I was hopeless, illiterate, and unemployable. Today I am none of those things.