Let me introduce myself
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: St Paul MN
Posts: 24
Let me introduce myself
Good morning!
And it is! The sun is shining, it will be a hot, sticky day today. But that's ok. I am living it sober today. I didn't wake up with the "wine fuzz' that had become a normal morning for me. How nice it is to go out on the deck with my coffee and listen to the birds, feel the sun, and know that I haven't had a drink in 12 days.
I started to abuse alcohol last August, when my husband of 18 years confessed to me that he'd been having an affair for at least 5 months. My world as I had known it, was gone. Before that, I was content to have 2 glasses of wine when I got home from work. I loved to try different red wines, especially those from Chile, Argentina and Spain.
So, like so many others, I used to dull the pain to not think. When what I really needed to be doing WAS think. Hindesight, eh?
Then in September, my mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It progressed very quickly. We had her for only 5 weeks until she died in October. The whole time during her illness, my husband was still in his affair and I knew it. My heart was so broken. Wine was my solace. The blackness was my friend. I didn't care anymore. Even when my adult daughter cautioned me about my mental state and abuse of wine, I didn't care. Even the DUI I got in December (my first and only one) didn't stop me from the downward spiral I was on. Just didn't care.
My husband is also an alcoholc. First, it was beer. Then it progressed to a bottle of vodka everyday. Not a good situation for either of us. Too much booze = too much anger = unhealthy relationship. Two ostriches with our heads up our a**es.
Twelve days ago, I decided enough. I'd had a vacation from work of 9 days and I used that time to read, re-evaluate my life, and embrace the fact that I, indeed am an alcoholic. I used alcohol for all the wrong reasons. I told my husband that as of monday, 8/3, I was no longer going to drink. I didn't expect support, but I wanted him to know that this is the path I'm choosing for my own sanity and health. The counselor who did my alcohol assessment said that he was labeling my as a "situational abuser." He can call it what he likes, I know that if I was able to let myself drink like that for the wrong reasons, I am an alcoholic.
I've had a fairly easy detox. I have had the intense cravings for sweets which before I could take them or leave them. I've been moody, anxious, but have been able to check myself and that 'tude at the door when I have to work. I am sleeping ok, but always could use more! I've found for me, that the HABIT is what's the hardest right now. I find myself thinking about that glass of wine more now that when I was able to have one. That voice that says," it's ok, you can have just one glass' is talking really loudly! But I know that one glass will lead to the whole bottle. I'm not going there, at least not today.
My husband has not had a drink in 10 days. He had detoxed here at home 4 months ago and had a very bad time. But it wasn't enough to make him want to quit, at least not then. His detox this time wasn't nearly as bad. But he's into a heavy depression and full of remorse and guilt. I can't fix that. All I can do is continue on my path for sobriety and maybe by me doing it for me, he will see that life without drinking is so much better and he will continue also.
I am looking forward to dealing with all my pain, without the wine. I know that no matter how I try to cover it up, or pretend it's not there, it will always be there until I decide to deal with it.
So that is my path for right now. Thank you all for being here and reading my story. I hope to return the encouragement, guidance and support as soon as I am able to contribute.
"One day at a time" is truly working for me.
Blessed Be
And it is! The sun is shining, it will be a hot, sticky day today. But that's ok. I am living it sober today. I didn't wake up with the "wine fuzz' that had become a normal morning for me. How nice it is to go out on the deck with my coffee and listen to the birds, feel the sun, and know that I haven't had a drink in 12 days.
I started to abuse alcohol last August, when my husband of 18 years confessed to me that he'd been having an affair for at least 5 months. My world as I had known it, was gone. Before that, I was content to have 2 glasses of wine when I got home from work. I loved to try different red wines, especially those from Chile, Argentina and Spain.
So, like so many others, I used to dull the pain to not think. When what I really needed to be doing WAS think. Hindesight, eh?
Then in September, my mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It progressed very quickly. We had her for only 5 weeks until she died in October. The whole time during her illness, my husband was still in his affair and I knew it. My heart was so broken. Wine was my solace. The blackness was my friend. I didn't care anymore. Even when my adult daughter cautioned me about my mental state and abuse of wine, I didn't care. Even the DUI I got in December (my first and only one) didn't stop me from the downward spiral I was on. Just didn't care.
My husband is also an alcoholc. First, it was beer. Then it progressed to a bottle of vodka everyday. Not a good situation for either of us. Too much booze = too much anger = unhealthy relationship. Two ostriches with our heads up our a**es.
Twelve days ago, I decided enough. I'd had a vacation from work of 9 days and I used that time to read, re-evaluate my life, and embrace the fact that I, indeed am an alcoholic. I used alcohol for all the wrong reasons. I told my husband that as of monday, 8/3, I was no longer going to drink. I didn't expect support, but I wanted him to know that this is the path I'm choosing for my own sanity and health. The counselor who did my alcohol assessment said that he was labeling my as a "situational abuser." He can call it what he likes, I know that if I was able to let myself drink like that for the wrong reasons, I am an alcoholic.
I've had a fairly easy detox. I have had the intense cravings for sweets which before I could take them or leave them. I've been moody, anxious, but have been able to check myself and that 'tude at the door when I have to work. I am sleeping ok, but always could use more! I've found for me, that the HABIT is what's the hardest right now. I find myself thinking about that glass of wine more now that when I was able to have one. That voice that says," it's ok, you can have just one glass' is talking really loudly! But I know that one glass will lead to the whole bottle. I'm not going there, at least not today.
My husband has not had a drink in 10 days. He had detoxed here at home 4 months ago and had a very bad time. But it wasn't enough to make him want to quit, at least not then. His detox this time wasn't nearly as bad. But he's into a heavy depression and full of remorse and guilt. I can't fix that. All I can do is continue on my path for sobriety and maybe by me doing it for me, he will see that life without drinking is so much better and he will continue also.
I am looking forward to dealing with all my pain, without the wine. I know that no matter how I try to cover it up, or pretend it's not there, it will always be there until I decide to deal with it.
So that is my path for right now. Thank you all for being here and reading my story. I hope to return the encouragement, guidance and support as soon as I am able to contribute.
"One day at a time" is truly working for me.
Blessed Be
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Welcome to SR lastthird, ask and ye shall recieve all the support we can give you here.
I have to ask where did you come up with that moniker?
BTW stay in the day, just focus on the here and the now when the cravings hit you. Be willing to do what ever it takes to stay sober, keep an open mind to new things that may help you to stay sober.
I have to ask where did you come up with that moniker?
BTW stay in the day, just focus on the here and the now when the cravings hit you. Be willing to do what ever it takes to stay sober, keep an open mind to new things that may help you to stay sober.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: St Paul MN
Posts: 24
Tazman- I recently read a book called "Reinventing the Rest of Our Lives-Women in Second Childhood"by Suzanne Braun Levine. It is all about what women in their "last third" of life are going through, physiologically, psychologically and spiritually. In other words, what do you want to do with the last third of your life?
Opened my eyes, big time. Realizing that you have more life behind you than in front of you makes wanting to be sober that much more important.
Opened my eyes, big time. Realizing that you have more life behind you than in front of you makes wanting to be sober that much more important.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
welcome to SR lastthird
You're able to contribute now! The thing I love about this place is whatever you have to share can so often help someone else - everyone's viewpoint and experiences are special and valuable.
post away!
D
I hope to return the encouragement, guidance and support as soon as I am able to contribute.
post away!
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Welcome and good for you for recognizing that you have a problem and dealing with it.
Like you, I turned to alcohol at a time in my life when things were crushing me. I didn't drink until my mid-forties when I had a stressful job, a husband who travelled a LOT, two teenagers (one of whom was dangerously rebellious) and chronic pysical pain. I couldn't sleep and began to drink before bed. It took only weeks before the habit was ingrained and I was on my way to hell.
I found that changing my routines helped to break the habit. I began to go out for long walks in the evening when I would have been drinking. It was a great tool for me.
I am glad you found us and I hope you will keep reading and posting.
Like you, I turned to alcohol at a time in my life when things were crushing me. I didn't drink until my mid-forties when I had a stressful job, a husband who travelled a LOT, two teenagers (one of whom was dangerously rebellious) and chronic pysical pain. I couldn't sleep and began to drink before bed. It took only weeks before the habit was ingrained and I was on my way to hell.
I found that changing my routines helped to break the habit. I began to go out for long walks in the evening when I would have been drinking. It was a great tool for me.
I am glad you found us and I hope you will keep reading and posting.
grateful to be here
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 426
welcome last. glad to have you here. i'll have to see if my library has that book. good for you in making the decision to do something about what is hurting you instead of keeping your head in the sand. u go girl 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: On the Road Less Travelled
Posts: 57
Welcome! I wish you well on your new journey! One day at a time works well - sometimes one minute at a time...it all adds up to immeasurable bliss as time goes on. Best of luck to you - my thoughts are with you and thank you for sharing.
((hugs))
((hugs))
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 248
Welcome to SR. I hope you find alot of helpful information here. There are so many good people that have been through many different situations in life so I am sure you will find some helpful posts. I too was more of a habitual dirinker until every event ie: happy news, bad news, work is over, I have to go to work, kids off to college became a reason to support my habit. I am only sober (this time) since 7-22 so we are pretty close together time wise! Stay strong! That way you will enjoy and remember the lastthird. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: St Paul MN
Posts: 24
I love that song by Bon Jovi! So I drive... watching miles that pass me by, with my plastic dashboard Jesus, waving there to greet us..Hey Hey! I've finally found my way-say goodbye to yesterday - hit the gas there 'ain't no brakes on this lost highway
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