FreeBird09

Ok here we go, but on a different roller coaster and it is co-dependent issues that is arising left and right. BUT I think I am handling them well.

First and foremost my son has been in the hospital for several days after he ASKED me to bring him because he was suicidal. I think that is very brave for a teenager to have come forth to save his life. (THANK GOD) HE did all the talking to the doctors and they admitted him. (Not alcohol or drug related) I had to involve his father who thinks/feels that getting help is for weak sissy's but because of joint custody I had a legal obligation. THEN my son asked me to NOT tell the family so as it got around that he was in the hospital I had to tell my mother that he was in the hospital, but I told her that they are taking tests and I will let her know more when I know more. She flipped out on me (mind you I have raised 5 children) and was rude and asked if I would have told her 3 days later if one of the kids died (not fair) and I told her she was being ridiculous. THEN she tried to call the hospital to talk to him and they said, sorry but that person is not a patient here. YIKES! She called my cell and started screaming at me (MIND YOU I AM THE CHILDS MOTHER!) because I wouldn't tell her EXACTLY what is going on with my son. I did tell her that he was in the hospital getting some peace and quiet so he can learn to sleep better. (not a lie, but just not the WHOLE story) Well she called me several more times yelling at me, and said... you are NOT telling me the truth, why are you being evasive. I said, Mom I am at the hospital right now waiting to see him, when I am done seeing him I will call you but right now is not the time to talk about this, he is FINE, he will be ok. She then started yelling at me saying, you put HIM IN THE NUTHOUSE (her exact words, I would never use the word nuthouse) didn't you!. I said, wait a minuet, no one puts another person in the NUT HOUSE and no I didn't put him in the nuthouse (not a lie, he ASKED for help and I assisted him as I AM HIS MOM and that is my JOB) she said, would you tell me if he is in the nuthouse? and I said no, some things are not needed to know by the family (because she gossips like crazy), just know he is ok and getting some much needed rest. I said, Mom I have been going through hell for the last few days I am really not in the place, or time to talk about this, we can talk later. She hung up on me but before she did she said, if you put him in the nuthouse I will never speak to you again. Never once did she ask how am I doing, she just demanded information and was highly pissed when I wouldn't give it.

THEN on top of it the axbf keeps texting me. I haven't contacted him back, he is NOT important right now. Then I have the 'friend' that I had been seeing, and he is pretty impressive with his support, but again I am not in any frame of mind to be playing kissy smoochy via the phone lines.

THEN the xhusband is furious with me and my son for him being where he is at, which is why I didn't want him involved. He actually yelled at him and told him to get over it, move on.

THEN.. a family friend came over and tried to make the moves on me. I may be upset but I am FAR from fragile that I need to compromise myself in any way.

So I guess I would like a little advice and HUGS. What the heck do I say to my Mom when I call her tomorrow? Just a side note, my Mom is not and alcoholic (was when I was small) just a huge control freak.

sapphire69

Ok stepping out on a limb here, but I don't think it is any of your mother's business especially since your son doesn't want anyone to know. I would discuss this with your son and see what he wants to do, maybe he could call her or write her and let her know he is ok. If you don't want to tell her stand your ground you are a big girl and know what you are doing here.

Sorry if not very helpful, but hugs to you!

Crazy4Him

What a day. If your son doesn't want you to discuss the situation with your family then I would respect his wishes and do just that. Any questions about who/what/when/where/why he's in the hospital need to be addressed firmly and clearly that it's, for lack of a better term, none of their damn business.

I think it's beautiful that you and your child have such a relationship and think you are handling it well. I'm sorry that you family doesn't seem to understand that depression is a mental illness that millions (and probably they themselves) suffer from and that getting help (or getting to a NUTHOUSE? Seriously?) is something to be admired and not vilified.

Your son is very brave!

naive

hi freebird-

wow, that's a lot of different people pulling at you. if it was me, i'd take a time out and not answer the calls, just turn off the phone. you are entitled to take a breather and its a lot you are going through with no support and quite a bit of harassment.

as for your mother, i would simply say that your son has requested privacy regarding his illness and you've agreed to not discuss it.

i hope you take some time for yourself. these people (mom, xH, etc.) are not helping you, they are further draining you.

FreeBird09

Thank you everyone. I am exhausted and can't sleep at this point. Today, before I visit my son, I am going to just sit out in the sun and 'chill' no phone, no tv, nothing. I talked to my xhusband this morning and my Mom called HIM last night (the nerve!) and he told her just what I told her, that my son is getting rest, she went as far as asking him if our son was dead and we weren't telling her! HOW CRAZY IS THAT!. I talk to my Mom EVERY day for my entire life and she would even imagine that I would keep the death of my child to MYSELF. My goodness!

I thank God every day for the closeness that my son and I have, (I have it with all of my children), so that he was able to come to me and we can devise a plan for his health and safety. He is one brave kid for stepping out of the stigma box and saying hey, I need help. He told the Dr that if it wasn't the fact that he is a Christian he would have already followed through but he wants to go to heaven to see his sister and knows he wont if he did that. He KNEW he needed help so he wouldn't take that road, that is how important it is for him to see her again. I thank God that I bring and have God in our lives at all times for him to be able to balance that out and get the help he needs.

Today is a new day. I live with the knowledge that I don't have to do, or say anything I don't want to and no matter who likes it, it is too bad for them and not MY problem. Tough position but at this point I am not worried about alienating anyone as my SON is what is important and my responsibility is to HIM and ONLY him.

Still Waters

Wow.

Well, you can't change or fix your Mom, that's for sure. If she won't be respectful to you over the phone, stop taking her calls until things calm down?

Learn2Live

Hi FreeBird09. I'm sorry you are going through this. I talk to my Mom all the time also, so I know this would be hard for you. But I would cut everyone who is not being supportive or behaving in a healthy and stable way, out of your life right now. I would only talk to people (other than your son, obviously) unless they are supportive and not draining the life out of you the way it sounds like they are.

Sounds like you know how to deal with your stress by taking some time out for yourself, but sometimes when we are under a lot of stress like you are now, the most healthy decision for yourself is to remove the stressors from your life, at least for the time being.

Lilyflower

Freebird, step away from the drama, you don't want it and don't need it. your mum knows her grandson is ok, let her deal with what is hers to deal.

Why put yourself back on the floor to allow her to stomp on you just one more time?

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jadmack25

Freebird, I am so sorry to hear that when you need to concentrate on your son's health and your own ability to cope with that, you are hassled by inconsiderate and stupid people. As for mum's suggestion of you driving the lad into the nuthouse, well really it does seem just so over the top. First thing that crossed my mind was that the "nuthouse" was where some of these not supportive folk should be themselves. Second thought was that if you keep contact and listening to their claptrap you may end up there yourself.

I have had depression and was in hospital for treatment once, and I sure didn't want it spread around as all I wanted was peace and quiet and no more hassles, so can understand your son's request. He and his needs come first right now and you are trying to do all you can for him.

As it seems these others have a very different agenda from you, and are only putting pressure on you, may I suggest that you: (1) tell them that you will contact them when you have something they need to know: (2) Have no further contact until that happens. As for the family friend.....YUK. I hope he was given the message to rack off and stay that way.

Your son was not only brave, he was strong enough especially in his Faith to ask for help and shows great maturity in him and confidence in you.
My best friend's son hanged himself just before last Christmas and it has totally devastated her, his sisters and his 2 small daughters as well as many friends.

I wish you both all the best and have you in my prayers.

Please keep out of contact from anyone who

Seren

Your son is a brave and intelligent young man to ask for help when he needs it. Special prayers and good wishes for his recovery!

Your mother does not need to know any of this and you are brave to respect your son's wishes by not sharing any of this information with the rest of the family. You and your ex are the only people who need to be involved. Remember, just because someone calls you does not mean you have to talk to him/her. So.....you could just ignore your mother's calls for a while until things settle down!

Hugs and prayers, HG

Freedom1990

Seriously, there have been times I literally had to go no contact with my mom.

Like you, I usually talk to her every day. However, when she launches into toxic mode, that's the end of that.

She always gets over it when I go no contact.

You have a choice how much you want to engage with her.

:ghug2 :ghug2