Checking in after long absence
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: TN
Posts: 58
Checking in after long absence
Hi everyone - I have not been active here on the board in a few months. I have been doing great with the not drinking. Basically I broke a 20-year drinking pattern that was becoming ever destructive back in March, and this board played a huge part in that. I have not been away drinking - I am starting to feel like the drinking part of my life is truly over, and since I am not obsessing about drinking I seem to need less and less support. I would like to keep in touch here though, and if anyone has any insights or advice based on my post please let me have it.
Anyway, here is what has happened. In the past I had quit here and there for a week or a month so I could prove to myself I could - but always went back to my every-other-day drunk/hangover cycle. I decided to stop this cycle that was killing me on March 16 - I was drinking to the point of blackout more and more, having family and job troubles, and decided I had better stop before I lost everything, killed someone, etc. This is the first time I have truly changed my relationship with alcohol.
Early on, I stayed really busy for the first few weeks, spent a lot of time here on SR, and replaced those beers I was used to having in my hand with energy drinks (which by the way actually seem to make me sleepy).
On the road to 90 days, I slipped up and drank some beer (6-8) while mowing the yard after I had a big knock-down drag-out argument with my wife. She kept bringing up some of the stupid things I had done in the past while drunk, and I started feeling like what was the point in not drinking if I could never live down the past. I decided I had to stick with not drinking for myself and my son more than anyone, and if and when she came around it would be a bonus. She and I saw a counselor a few times, and basically those sessions were her crying and screaming at me for my past mistakes. It seems like that helped our relationship, as she really has stopped bringing up the past.
In late May, we went on vacation to Cabo San Lucas and I did have a few margaritas/beers while there, but not to the point of blind drunkeness. I discussed this with my wife beforehand and she was OK with it to some extent, as she was planning to smoke pot while there, but it was too hard for me to be in Mexico in such a party town and not drink a little. This was a free trip, otherwise I would have picked a non-party vacation spot.
The week after we were back from the trip I had two small cups of wine at an art show - not sure why. After the show I went out with my wife and a bunch of her friends, all of whom were embarassingly drunk. It was not a fun night for me, being around drunk people, especially my wife, who more than once offered to buy me a beer or shot (I did not drink anything else). This was the last night I had any alcohol.
These days, I am feeling like I have turned my life around. I have become a better dad and husband. My wife seems to appreciate me more, sex is better, I have more money, am getting out of debt, etc. My son and I have been taking karate classes for about a month and a half now - talk about something that would be impossible if I were getting drunk every other day. I don't have to worry about the pains I no longer feel in my liver area after a big drunk. I'm getting things done around my house (even DIYed blow-in insulation last month).
My social life has dropped off a lot though. Really to me personally this is not a bad thing, because I am a pretty introverted person and I have never needed a huge group of friends. My wife is the opposite though, and loves to hang out with her friends, all of whom drink at virtually any social gathering. I have told her that I simply don't want to put myself in drinking situations, so more often than not I just skip anything like this. If she wants to go out, that's OK with me (she does not have a drinking problem). I skip these situations not so much because I would be tempted to drink, more because I don't see the point in hanging around with people I don't really find that entertaining in a situation that I don't find entertaining. In the past I would drink to make people and situtions more interesting, but I no longer give myself that option.
So, I've not done a perfect job since March 16, but I still like to cling to that date as the day I started a radical turn-around. Thanks to everyone here who helped me when I needed it the most. For those here who are struggling, know that it is possible to change.
Anyway, here is what has happened. In the past I had quit here and there for a week or a month so I could prove to myself I could - but always went back to my every-other-day drunk/hangover cycle. I decided to stop this cycle that was killing me on March 16 - I was drinking to the point of blackout more and more, having family and job troubles, and decided I had better stop before I lost everything, killed someone, etc. This is the first time I have truly changed my relationship with alcohol.
Early on, I stayed really busy for the first few weeks, spent a lot of time here on SR, and replaced those beers I was used to having in my hand with energy drinks (which by the way actually seem to make me sleepy).
On the road to 90 days, I slipped up and drank some beer (6-8) while mowing the yard after I had a big knock-down drag-out argument with my wife. She kept bringing up some of the stupid things I had done in the past while drunk, and I started feeling like what was the point in not drinking if I could never live down the past. I decided I had to stick with not drinking for myself and my son more than anyone, and if and when she came around it would be a bonus. She and I saw a counselor a few times, and basically those sessions were her crying and screaming at me for my past mistakes. It seems like that helped our relationship, as she really has stopped bringing up the past.
In late May, we went on vacation to Cabo San Lucas and I did have a few margaritas/beers while there, but not to the point of blind drunkeness. I discussed this with my wife beforehand and she was OK with it to some extent, as she was planning to smoke pot while there, but it was too hard for me to be in Mexico in such a party town and not drink a little. This was a free trip, otherwise I would have picked a non-party vacation spot.
The week after we were back from the trip I had two small cups of wine at an art show - not sure why. After the show I went out with my wife and a bunch of her friends, all of whom were embarassingly drunk. It was not a fun night for me, being around drunk people, especially my wife, who more than once offered to buy me a beer or shot (I did not drink anything else). This was the last night I had any alcohol.
These days, I am feeling like I have turned my life around. I have become a better dad and husband. My wife seems to appreciate me more, sex is better, I have more money, am getting out of debt, etc. My son and I have been taking karate classes for about a month and a half now - talk about something that would be impossible if I were getting drunk every other day. I don't have to worry about the pains I no longer feel in my liver area after a big drunk. I'm getting things done around my house (even DIYed blow-in insulation last month).
My social life has dropped off a lot though. Really to me personally this is not a bad thing, because I am a pretty introverted person and I have never needed a huge group of friends. My wife is the opposite though, and loves to hang out with her friends, all of whom drink at virtually any social gathering. I have told her that I simply don't want to put myself in drinking situations, so more often than not I just skip anything like this. If she wants to go out, that's OK with me (she does not have a drinking problem). I skip these situations not so much because I would be tempted to drink, more because I don't see the point in hanging around with people I don't really find that entertaining in a situation that I don't find entertaining. In the past I would drink to make people and situtions more interesting, but I no longer give myself that option.
So, I've not done a perfect job since March 16, but I still like to cling to that date as the day I started a radical turn-around. Thanks to everyone here who helped me when I needed it the most. For those here who are struggling, know that it is possible to change.
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
Glad you're back.
I'm not sure what to say here. I guess what strikes me the most, that when I start thinking I'm doing okay and miss a couple of forum days, that's when the drinking thinking creeeeeeeeeeeeps in.
Working on sobriety is work. I hope you stick around SR and work it.
A HUGE congrats on your sober time.
I'm not sure what to say here. I guess what strikes me the most, that when I start thinking I'm doing okay and miss a couple of forum days, that's when the drinking thinking creeeeeeeeeeeeps in.
Working on sobriety is work. I hope you stick around SR and work it.
A HUGE congrats on your sober time.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 957
Hello from hot, sunny Tucson.Thanks for your share. I always get something out of each share.
Coffeenut-LOL, hate those drinking, thinking thoughts, I call them demons.....
Taking baby steps; U got to do what works 4 U.
Stay strong!
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,954
As far as I'm concerned any progress made on improving ones well being is pause for...congrats on your success in treating your alcohol problem.
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