Going down and I don't know why
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: SLC
Posts: 97
Going down and I don't know why
This a short message to you of those who have known me (akadean62).
I really don't know why but I am going down fast. I am tired of the drama and am not looking for that. I really don't know why anymore. I just can't stop, no joke.
Sorry to those of you that care. No drama, it is what it is.
I really don't know why but I am going down fast. I am tired of the drama and am not looking for that. I really don't know why anymore. I just can't stop, no joke.
Sorry to those of you that care. No drama, it is what it is.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
I'm here too, Dean. PM me or something. You aren't alone although I know it feels that way. What positive action can you take right now? If it means picking up the phone or typing a message to share your pain and to seek out solutions, do that. Come on, you can do this.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,056
We can and do stop, it starts with admitting we're powerless over alcohol. Then comes the commitment of living one day at a time without taking a drink or drug. You've been on these forums long enough to know it's possible.
4 1/2 years ago I had to ask myself if I was done yet. After 27 years of giving most of my life away, I knew sobriety was the answer.
4 1/2 years ago I had to ask myself if I was done yet. After 27 years of giving most of my life away, I knew sobriety was the answer.
We Do Recover
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,619
I understand....right now my disease is talking to me too. I am trying not to pick up today. 
Call someone....or come chat.....isolation isn't good. Glad to see you posting. Being honest will help....I am finding that out myself. All you have to do is try--just try to make it through the next 5 minutes, etc. 24 hours is too long for me right now. I have to break it down into smaller amounts. Yesterday is gone and we aren't promised tomorrow--all we have is right now. Hang in there!
Call someone....or come chat.....isolation isn't good. Glad to see you posting. Being honest will help....I am finding that out myself. All you have to do is try--just try to make it through the next 5 minutes, etc. 24 hours is too long for me right now. I have to break it down into smaller amounts. Yesterday is gone and we aren't promised tomorrow--all we have is right now. Hang in there! 
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
I've felt just like you do, Dean, and I dug my way back out. You can do it - please don't ever give up. The road you're on leads to nowhere - you can turn off it anytime and reclaim your life.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dayton, OH.
Posts: 879
There are thousands of us who are doing it right NOW, Dean! Don't give up. Of course, you've got to WANT to quit. To STOP the madness, and you cannot do it alone. We're here for you. Speak up! Don't let the addiction win. When addiction wins, we lose. We lose loved ones, and we lose ourselves!
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,056
Astro searches frantically through his recovery library, looking for that silly AA quote about paradoxes or some happy crap like that.....
"The Professor and the Paradox"
"Says he, 'We A.A.s surrender to win; we give away to keep; we suffer to get well; and we die to live.'"
C'mon Larry, remember a couple years ago when we'd hang out in the chat room Sunday evenings? Me, you, suki, Matt, Felly, Photonic, all those other fun people and you'd always share something great about your recovery? Drop the drama, surrender, and start living again. I know you know how to do it.
(Big Book quote from p. 336 in 2nd edition.)
"The Professor and the Paradox"
"Says he, 'We A.A.s surrender to win; we give away to keep; we suffer to get well; and we die to live.'"
C'mon Larry, remember a couple years ago when we'd hang out in the chat room Sunday evenings? Me, you, suki, Matt, Felly, Photonic, all those other fun people and you'd always share something great about your recovery? Drop the drama, surrender, and start living again. I know you know how to do it.
(Big Book quote from p. 336 in 2nd edition.)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
It reminds me of something a member shared the other night, talking about what they used to be like: "Please help me, but don't tell me what to do."
As has been mentioned, you have to WANT it. Larry/Dean, you aren't alone in your suffering. If you want help, you know where to start. Now is the time for action.
As has been mentioned, you have to WANT it. Larry/Dean, you aren't alone in your suffering. If you want help, you know where to start. Now is the time for action.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: SLC
Posts: 97
Thank you. You are such nice people.....yeah even you Dee....sorry I couldn't stop my sarcastic self from taking a jab at you but I have been reading your words and you really are such a good person. Astro and Rowen....wow....thank you so much...u 2 are amazing and everyone here knows it...same for you Dee but I didn't say it....
TTOSBT
Believe808
51anna
Hevyn
CrackQuack
I don't know you guys but I have read your words as well. You are all good people.
Suki I don't even like you....jk...pink mail box?.....good lord
Dboy & CG..... you two are too much. People here that don't know you are missing out on.....I can't come up with the words. You are both beyond words.
Now me....I went insane. Bugs are crawling all on my head and arms....just when I thought I had experienced it all. I just don't understand. What is wrong with me?
Do they make imaginary bug spray?
TTOSBT
Believe808
51anna
Hevyn
CrackQuack
I don't know you guys but I have read your words as well. You are all good people.
Suki I don't even like you....jk...pink mail box?.....good lord
Dboy & CG..... you two are too much. People here that don't know you are missing out on.....I can't come up with the words. You are both beyond words.
Now me....I went insane. Bugs are crawling all on my head and arms....just when I thought I had experienced it all. I just don't understand. What is wrong with me?
Do they make imaginary bug spray?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Thinking of you Larry 
I've seen you here at SR for a long time now - I've read yr words as well
You are a good person too.
I have no doubt you can do this, mate.
Believe it, you're worth it.
hugs
D
I've seen you here at SR for a long time now - I've read yr words as well
You are a good person too.
I have no doubt you can do this, mate.
Believe it, you're worth it.
hugs
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 957
"Says he, 'We A.A.s surrender to win; we give away to keep; we suffer to get well; and we die to live.'"
Wow needed to hear that Astro!!
((Chameleonboy))
U sound so much better. R U?
Just found this thread and would of reached out sooner....
Stay strong!
:sorry U R feeling blue.
Wow needed to hear that Astro!!
((Chameleonboy))
U sound so much better. R U?
Just found this thread and would of reached out sooner....
Stay strong!
:sorry U R feeling blue.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
I don't know you but I understand your feeling of despair. Please do whatever it takes to get well. If you are seeing imaginary bugs on you maybe you're having hallucinations and should seek emergency help right now. I'm not kidding. Please get help. I don't know you but I care about you.
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