Help my Husband is addicted to pain pills.

Old 08-10-2009, 12:58 PM
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Angry Help my Husband is addicted to pain pills.

I am new here and have found everything helpful. However my Husband is addicted to pain pills for the second time in his life. The first time he went through a methadone clinic for help. All that money we spent to waste it again.

The first time I felt like he was cheating on me with the pills and I feel exactly the same way now. The pills and getting them come before everything.

I don't know where to go. I finally told his Sister today after months of dropping hints. He has threatened me if I said anything to his family.

I realize that I have been enabling him; thinking one day he will stop; so please don't harp on me that I am enabling him.

My Husband blames me for having to take the pills; either for something I did or that otherwise he cannot live with a bitch like me. I don't want him to have to be an addict to stay married to me. I only complain when I know he is taking money I could be paying bills with.

He takes so much money from our family. I also recently found out he is draining his savings account; his personal account that he says I have no say over. So in addition to everything he is taking from our checking he is also taking the savings.

He steals money from me any chance he can get. If it meant we wouldn't eat because of it he would buy the pills first. I have had to stop all my luxuries so he can get his "treats" as he calls them.

He gets them from a friend he used to work with or his friends themselves. They are the ones that pushed it on him the second time.

He is only nice to me when he is high or when he is getting money to go there. If I bring anything up that he needs help he gets worse and won't talk about it at all.

He has no sexual interest in me; helping my self esteem even better. However, he flies off the handle if another man would even talk to me.

Anyone know what my next step should be? He says he can handle it on his own. I know that isn't true he has been telling me that forever.
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Old 08-10-2009, 01:08 PM
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1st, welcome to SR sorry you have this in your life but soberrecovery is a great place for support

If you havent yet, please try reading the sticky posts on each forum

you are not MAKING your husband use drugs
No matter how you are or what you do he is the only person that makes him use

YOU DID NOT cause it you cant control and you cant cure it!!!

Hes not addictted to pills for the second time in his life............once addicted ALWAYS addicted. He will not be able to use pills EVER and not ABUSE THEM.......recovery from addiction requires a daily program and total abstinence from the drug......one without the other doesnt really work, isnt recovery only being clean from the substance

He may have had time where he wasnt using the pills but addiction causes lasting changes in the brain he didnt stop being an addicit when he wasnt using the pills he was just not using

You asked what your next step should be, i would first like to suggest that you read as much as you can here on SR..........and stick around others will be along soon with more support
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Old 08-10-2009, 01:19 PM
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I am so sorry that you are going through this. Its hard I know I have been there myself with the PILLS.

My RABF had a back injury and became addicted to his pain pills. Its a nasty rollercoaster ride that at times can be terrifying.

I would strongly encourage you to pick yourself up a set of books called Getting Them Sober. They helped me tremendously.

Its time to take the focus off of him and put it back on you and your kids. I know that is easier said then done but you have to otherwise you will find yourself just as sick as your husband.

The first thing I would do is get a seperate account for you so that you dont have to worry about him taking money out for his pills. I dont know your situation but that would be the best thing to start with.

Then like lies said I would read around here and find out as much information as you can about how this isnt your fault. That is typical for an addict to blame everyone else around them it takes the focus off of them and what they are doing.

Then I would start off with small boundaries that you feel comfortable enough with in setting. For example I would NOT engage in ANY conversation that has to do with drugs with your husband. It solves NOTHING. It only makes things more difficult. Once you feel comfortable with that boundary set another one and so on and so on. This will help you establish some confidence little by little in taking charge of YOUR life.

And lastly remember that this ISNT your fault, you didnt cause this, you CANT cure it, and you sure as heck cant CONTROL it. Your husband is an addict he is gonna do what he is gonna do. Read the sticky about what addicts do.

Keep reading and posting. Welcome by the way.
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Old 08-10-2009, 01:26 PM
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I am so sorry you are going through this. My heart is crying out to you right now. I have also been through what you are going through with so many friends, boyfriends, brothers, etc. My "little" brother started doing alcohol and heavy drugs at age 12. He progressed to being a drug dealer by high school. He became addicted to prescription meds at 23. He could eat 25 Percocet at a time and hardly feel a thing. At 38, he finally got clean after two years struggling; but then he, thankfully, found God and he is doing well now.

The best advice I have for you is go to Al-Anon. It worked for me, saved my life, and put me on the right path in my life. They are wonderful people and it provides incredible social support. Take care of yourself, please.
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Old 08-10-2009, 01:38 PM
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My advice? Seperate bank accounts and a really thorough look within yourself to decide if this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. It's a choice. I wont talk about enabling because you are aware that you are.. what steps are you taking now that you know how much you are enabling him though? You talk about him stealing your money as if it's a fact and not something seriously wrong.

You might see an attorney. Unless this is all ok.
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Old 08-10-2009, 02:15 PM
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hi, welcome. sorry you had to, but so glad you found us. you are not alone here. we all either have addicted loved ones or IS the addicted loved one.i'm a ra married but seperated from ah of 23yrs. i do understand how you feel and have been where you are right now. what you described is common addictive behavior. YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME FOR HIS PILL ADDICTION. and there is nothing you can do or don't do to fix it or make him stop, he has to want it for himself.

i agree with the other, do what you have to do to protect your finances and any thing you don't want pawn or sold for drugs. its a hard life, but you can choose to not allow his addiction to take you down with him. you are reaching out for help so i'd say you are making progress even if you may not see how much yet. i'll keep you and your family in my prayers.
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Old 08-10-2009, 03:03 PM
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Originally Posted by coachlover View Post

My Husband blames me for having to take the pills; either for something I did or that otherwise he cannot live with a bitch like me. I don't want him to have to be an addict to stay married to me.

He gets them from a friend he used to work with or his friends themselves. They are the ones that pushed it on him the second time.
He uses drugs to get high. No one can push drugs on someone who does not want to get high. Those who are serious about recovery avoid their former drug pals.

Are you employed?
Are there kids involved?

Lack of interest in sex is quite common for opiate addicts.

Is there anything about your situation that is acceptable to you?
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Old 08-10-2009, 05:51 PM
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Thanks everyone to answer some of the questions, yes I am employed and make more money than him.

We have three kids together, he is getting more and more mean to our 12 year old son, when he sticks up for me.

I do not find this acceptable; I just don't know what to do.

I told his Sisters today and they want to confront him tomorrow; meaning it will make things even harder on me. His one Sister wants me to move into a hotel for a few days. I don't want to take my kids out of their home.

I thought telling them would make things better it seems to have made things worse right now. My Sister-in-Law has the mortgage on our house; after we almost lost it from his first time. She is now telling me she will sell it because she is worried we will not make the mortgage which we have never been late on, since she held the mortgage.
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Old 08-11-2009, 02:26 PM
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Sorry this is happening to you. Please read the stickies up on the top of this forum if you haven't already. If you are the least bit fearful of his threats and meanness, take that seriously. Start keeping a log of what he says or does that is threatening or illegal or otherwise makes an unsafe home for the children. You may have to take this to the authorities. Talk to his sister that holds the mortgage and work it out so you pay the mortgage, not him. I hope you can go to a Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meeting near you. Listen to Anvilhead, your children's safety should be your top priority, even if it means moving in with friends or family. If your husband says he can make it on his own, he should certainly try. My brother is in the same situation as you are, his wife is addicted to opiates, and altho he stayed home with the kid, the Child Authorites came and took the kid because the sistuation was unsafe for him.
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Old 08-11-2009, 03:37 PM
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Like my friend said some months ago (whose advice I SHOULD HAVE followed but couldn't because of my stupid "feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelings"): KICK HIM TO THE CURB!
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Old 08-25-2009, 01:26 PM
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Thanks everyone....that next day things got laid on the line for him. Me and his Sisters had a talk with him. I was so happy that he would put us first.

Everything was great for hmmmmm 6days then he came up with this toothache out of the blue...he knew the Dentist would give him pain pills. He got those and started right back up. I had a feeling he would smooze me like he smoozed them.

This is his last strike and then I am afraid he is going to have to leave. My kids come well first and I am sick of someone being so selfish. I cannot even get myself food for lunch at work while he can take all the money he wants for his "TREATS" and cigarettes OH and red bull because the pills make him sleepy.

I just have to repeat this to myself and work out a plan and he is gone!
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Old 08-25-2009, 01:39 PM
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wow! i feel like i just read about my life. i have gone through the exact same thing! and feel sick to my stomack that my H may be using again, i just haven't found the pills. (if he is using) i know "behaviors" and i am seeing some again. i feel for you. just remember, it's not about us.(we could be the most beautiful/handsome, nicest, loving, caring and understanding person ever and it doesn't matter. drugs are their love. it's their addiction. it's not our fault they lie, get high, steal, cheat, or show no interest in us when they can't have there fix. it is not our fault they choose to do this. take care of yourself. i will pray for you.
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