Still not right.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Still not right.
It's been a week, and it seems I'm not out of the woods, yet.
I've been struggling with an array of emotions. I have brief moments of contentment when I'm with my pets followed by moments of deep depression where I can't even cry as though I'm fresh out of tears. I just sit and stare into space sometimes. Every moment in between seems to be a steady funk. I'm just out of sorts and grumpy. Not to mention the brief panic attacks that I am hoping will pass in time.
Combine this with the fact that my friend who has so kindly taken me in has been in one foul mood since I arrived. She was rather overwhelmed with several big projects in the days leading up to my move so I understood why she was irritable in the first few days, but it hasn't improved.
Mind you, I am a self-proclaimed recluse. I venture out of the basement into the rest of the house to shower/use the bathroom or to fix something to eat both of which are done in under 30 minutes and mostly when she is not here. I'm not tiptoeing around her, but I'm making an effort not be in the way.
I try to make small talk, but it always seems to backfire. I asked how an appointment went at the vet for her, and she angrily told me it was not good and that she was in a bad mood. She didn't tell me to go 'f' myself, but it felt that way. Wow! I'll go back to my hole now sorry to have bothered you. It was so reminiscent of my XABF's angry snaps that I got a cold sweat from it. I'm not responsible for her emotions and I have to just let that stuff go, it just doesn't help to continue to struggle like this.
I'm looking for a new place for me and the fur posse, of course. That was the plan anyway, and I hope my stay will be very temporary. I just can't help wishing that someone around me understood what it's like to walk away from a codependent/alcoholic relationship. I feel shell shocked.
Alice
I've been struggling with an array of emotions. I have brief moments of contentment when I'm with my pets followed by moments of deep depression where I can't even cry as though I'm fresh out of tears. I just sit and stare into space sometimes. Every moment in between seems to be a steady funk. I'm just out of sorts and grumpy. Not to mention the brief panic attacks that I am hoping will pass in time.
Combine this with the fact that my friend who has so kindly taken me in has been in one foul mood since I arrived. She was rather overwhelmed with several big projects in the days leading up to my move so I understood why she was irritable in the first few days, but it hasn't improved.
Mind you, I am a self-proclaimed recluse. I venture out of the basement into the rest of the house to shower/use the bathroom or to fix something to eat both of which are done in under 30 minutes and mostly when she is not here. I'm not tiptoeing around her, but I'm making an effort not be in the way.
I try to make small talk, but it always seems to backfire. I asked how an appointment went at the vet for her, and she angrily told me it was not good and that she was in a bad mood. She didn't tell me to go 'f' myself, but it felt that way. Wow! I'll go back to my hole now sorry to have bothered you. It was so reminiscent of my XABF's angry snaps that I got a cold sweat from it. I'm not responsible for her emotions and I have to just let that stuff go, it just doesn't help to continue to struggle like this.
I'm looking for a new place for me and the fur posse, of course. That was the plan anyway, and I hope my stay will be very temporary. I just can't help wishing that someone around me understood what it's like to walk away from a codependent/alcoholic relationship. I feel shell shocked.
Alice
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Oh, that is SUCH a bummer after all you have been through!!! I'm sorry! Sure would have been nice to have a comfortable haven to rest in for awhile. Well, maybe it's God's way of getting you into the perfect place that is making itself available right now!
Hang tough just a little longer. This too shall pass.
Hang tough just a little longer. This too shall pass.
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
I'm so sorry honey! My crazy move following on your trail is not roses and rainbows at the moment either *hugs*
The girl I will be temporarily staying with apparently has trained guard dogs who live in kennels and I am not allowed to make contact with them. Creeps me right out, but passing judgment is such a waste of my energies. I , on the other hand, have to leave the dogs with the ex (who loves them, but still)We are going to get through this honey, we have taken our first big steps and the direction we are heading is right and good.
The girl I will be temporarily staying with apparently has trained guard dogs who live in kennels and I am not allowed to make contact with them. Creeps me right out, but passing judgment is such a waste of my energies. I , on the other hand, have to leave the dogs with the ex (who loves them, but still)We are going to get through this honey, we have taken our first big steps and the direction we are heading is right and good.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
"This too shall pass" Do Not Throw Objects at the Pelican!
It's not the most comforting of slogans, is it? I have found it to be true, however.
When a funk comes over me and I feel like I may drown in it, I pull out the mental stop watch. Usually, the worst of it has lifted within 72 hours. After 72 hours I am over the funk or at least feel myself coming out of it and seeing things more clearly. Now I set the mental stop watch and I tell myself: This too shall pass...I won't do anything desparate or crazy for 72 hours and I will try to learn something from this episode.
Alice, you have been through so much in the last 4 weeks. Give yourself more time to adjust to a new environment, lifestyle and relationships. I remember when you started looking for a place to go, I thought couch surfing might work for a brief period of time. That way your ex would not be able to join you and he would have to find his own way.
You have done even better than couch surfing! You have an area to yourself with your furry friends.
Be gentle with yourself. Your body, mind and spirit are adjusting to a new way of life. You have shared so wonderfully here at SR in the midst of your personal turmoil. You are a good friend to us all!
If you feel you need to reach out to a medical professional, please do. We care about you.
It's not the most comforting of slogans, is it? I have found it to be true, however.
When a funk comes over me and I feel like I may drown in it, I pull out the mental stop watch. Usually, the worst of it has lifted within 72 hours. After 72 hours I am over the funk or at least feel myself coming out of it and seeing things more clearly. Now I set the mental stop watch and I tell myself: This too shall pass...I won't do anything desparate or crazy for 72 hours and I will try to learn something from this episode.
Alice, you have been through so much in the last 4 weeks. Give yourself more time to adjust to a new environment, lifestyle and relationships. I remember when you started looking for a place to go, I thought couch surfing might work for a brief period of time. That way your ex would not be able to join you and he would have to find his own way.
You have done even better than couch surfing! You have an area to yourself with your furry friends.
Be gentle with yourself. Your body, mind and spirit are adjusting to a new way of life. You have shared so wonderfully here at SR in the midst of your personal turmoil. You are a good friend to us all!
If you feel you need to reach out to a medical professional, please do. We care about you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I was starting to future trip after a meeting tonight, and was over at my sponsor's house. He reminded me to stay in the moment.
When I left, I had to stop at the grocery store before coming home, and there was the most gorgeous full moon out tonight.
I grab on to things like that and realize that things will be okay, even though sometimes it doesn't feel like it, you know?
:ghug2 :ghug2
When I left, I had to stop at the grocery store before coming home, and there was the most gorgeous full moon out tonight.
I grab on to things like that and realize that things will be okay, even though sometimes it doesn't feel like it, you know?
:ghug2 :ghug2
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: MO
Posts: 743
Originally Posted by ItsmeAlice 
I just can't help wishing that someone around me understood what it's like to walk away from a codependent/alcoholic relationship. I feel shell shocked.
Alice, things WILL get better. I did not believe that 2 months ago. I am an eternal optimist, and I told the world how great I was doing, but the truth of the matter was it really stunk. With the help of my counselor I learned that feeling those feelings will, in the long run, make me a much healthier person. Grieve your loss. You will start to find that little by little you find joy in things again. Then chunks of time go by when you hardly think about it. Then, before you know it you are on your way out of the rabbit hole.
With your permission, I will be praying for the PERFECT living arrangement for you and your pets.
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Thank you all for the kind comfort!
I'm trying to remind myself that this is completely foreign territory for me and that I have to be patient with myself.
Pelican - You're absolutely right. Had I been able to find a living situation alone, XABF would surely have tried to tag along. He's wary of my friend because of her support of me so that gives an added buffer between us and I do have my own quiet space, which I have been lacking for so long.
I've been reminding others here in encouragement to just put on foot in front of the other each day and to have faith. I should take me own advice.
"but that's the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it." Alice in Wonderland
PTSD sums it up so will StillWaters. I hadn't thought about that.
Freedom, I'll be thinking of you when I see a full moon. It's very grounding to think of that. The mood is there no matter what I'm going through.
Blessed4x, the prayers would be welcomed, thank you!!
I'm trying to remind myself that this is completely foreign territory for me and that I have to be patient with myself.
Pelican - You're absolutely right. Had I been able to find a living situation alone, XABF would surely have tried to tag along. He's wary of my friend because of her support of me so that gives an added buffer between us and I do have my own quiet space, which I have been lacking for so long.
I've been reminding others here in encouragement to just put on foot in front of the other each day and to have faith. I should take me own advice.
"but that's the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it." Alice in Wonderland
PTSD sums it up so will StillWaters. I hadn't thought about that.
Freedom, I'll be thinking of you when I see a full moon. It's very grounding to think of that. The mood is there no matter what I'm going through.
Blessed4x, the prayers would be welcomed, thank you!!
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
I have nothing more to add to the excellent advice above. I just wanted to say that I too have gone through something similar and to give you a big :ghug3 Be gentle with yourself. It's only been a week! Remember progress not perfection - I'm so impatient that I ought to have this tattooed to the inside of my eyelids to remind myself every time I blink!
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 146
When my break-up with the ex was still fresh my aunt said that even if you had an annoying dog that bit you and caused you pain every day for fifteen years you would still miss that annoying dog that bit you and caused you pain once it was completely gone from your life. You've experienced a loss. It's normal to mourn. Don't be afraid of the pain. I always tell my friends not to be afraid of their feelings or afraid to cry. I think crying is healthy and an important part of recovery. I think that is precisely what makes us so much stronger than our A's when the relationship ends. We take the pain and we face it head on. We don't drown it in alcohol, convincing ourselves that it isn't there. We tackle it head on, and that is god damn brave.
You're stronger than you think. You will get through this, I promise. Give it time.
You're stronger than you think. You will get through this, I promise. Give it time.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
what do u mean "still"? pretty tough stuff u have gone through!! it will take time to heal.... u r a human, not a robot...
too bad the friend is hostile, but dont take it personal... soon you'll be somewhere else, keep looking and keep posting!! good vibes~~~~~!!!
too bad the friend is hostile, but dont take it personal... soon you'll be somewhere else, keep looking and keep posting!! good vibes~~~~~!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
hi alice-
regarding your friend, perhaps she likes her own space and feels burdened. perhaps make it clear to her that you are seeking your own place. i would also make myself helpful around her property. i would ask her what tasks she wants done (even outside the house so you're not in her space) and i would set about doing them to help her.
just my two cents.
naive
regarding your friend, perhaps she likes her own space and feels burdened. perhaps make it clear to her that you are seeking your own place. i would also make myself helpful around her property. i would ask her what tasks she wants done (even outside the house so you're not in her space) and i would set about doing them to help her.
just my two cents.
naive
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Thanks all!!
Naive - Thanks for the suggestion. She is so insistently independent that I've had a hard time getting her to let me help in some way that I've backed off, but you're right, letting her know that I'm looking will remind her that this is temporary, and being as helpful as I can without being a nuisance might make it more bearable for her.
Naive - Thanks for the suggestion. She is so insistently independent that I've had a hard time getting her to let me help in some way that I've backed off, but you're right, letting her know that I'm looking will remind her that this is temporary, and being as helpful as I can without being a nuisance might make it more bearable for her.
May it be
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: A new day. Today I just see bright colors, in the small world of my dreams.
Posts: 384
I don't have much more to add, some good advice.
For a long time, I couldn't cry, sometimes still don't. But put the movie Incredible Journey on, and I cry almost the whole movie...
For a long time, I couldn't cry, sometimes still don't. But put the movie Incredible Journey on, and I cry almost the whole movie...
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