Quse56

I have been trying to branch out and make friends in recovery and I have had some success. I hang out with a few girls before/after meetingss, and even though it is a little forced right now it seems to be working out ok.

Except...

My new little friend just went missing for 3 days. It turns out she relapsed, got a DUI and went to jail. I feel terribly for her, but other than that I don't know how I feel about the situation. I am not too terribly close to her and I don't really know how to react to her relapse other than try to be supportive of her return to the program.

As I am typing this I am realizing how self-centered I am. What I am going through is a lack of desire to be of service! This girl needs friends in recovery,and though I am only over 100 days, I can help... and in return she can help me. The issue is, I HATE being of service. I hate reaching out to others. Perhaps a frienship with this girl is just what I need to get out of myself and get some gratitude in my life.

Ya think?

Anna

Hi,

I am not an AA member, but I think I understand what you mean.

I definitely believe that recovery is a time of growth, and it may be important for you to grow in the direction of helping others. Doing something out of your comfort zone, can be scary, but necessary for the growth that you need and want.

And, focusing on yourself and your sobriety is a very good thing, but recognizing that others are struggling and that you can offer something to them, is great.

Freedom1990

Early in my sobriety, I ended up sponsoring a fairly young gal. I did not want to. I was told I had to sponsor her. I was still very self-centered.

My higher power has a sense of humor and surely looks out for me. It never failed. I would be at home, all up in my head, thinking in circles, caught up in my stuff, and she'd come knocking at my door.

I was so mad! I had to get out of self and listen to her stuff!

Now that I look back, it was exactly what I needed.

There are still things I don't want to do in recovery at times, but I do them anyway.

You're not alone in your feelings. :ghug2

tommyk

The realization that I could help others, just by being around them, really heightened my sense of self worth.

I think I was the most self-centered person in the world.

Now I know that when I help others I help myself even more.

(So I am still self-centered, lol, even in the center of others...? )

Actually it works like this -

Don't think less of yourself, just think of yourself less.

jamdls

Hi, I'm Judy "I am self centered as well"... I liked the fellowship in meetings but I realized early on I didn't want to get too close to any of the people because of the many relapses. I know that's not fair and if I ever relapse I won't be asking for help because I'll probably be dead.

Taking5

That is EXACTLY how to act, and in and of itself qualifies as "being of service". You don't have to sponsor her, just be there for her.

I have a sponsor, but he is far from the only person "of service" to me in AA. Many times - for example sharing at meetings - you are of service, even if you don't know it.

Tazman53

Quse56 the longer I am sober the better the fellowship seems to get. I have noticed that a small group of old timers when I first came into the rooms seemed to hold back with me, others really embraced me, why I did not know.

I have noticed that the longer I have stayed sober the more these guys who have held back have seemed to open up with me, the ones that embraced me still do. I am going to speculate here and say that with almost 3 years in the rooms I think I know why.

When I first came into the rooms I was reaching out and there were folks that took my hand & I will be forever grateful to them, I reach out to newcomers, I fall into that group that will always embrace the newcomer.

I have a strong feeling that the ones who hold back until they see some one is going to keep coming back and stay sober in thier early sobriety may have been very hurt by losing some one they had drawn close to when they relapsed. As a result of this experience maybe they hold back until they see some one is pretty solid in their sobriety.

I know it hurts me when some one I know relapses, but I have had to develop a bit thicker skin and simply accept that not every person who walks through the doors is going to stay sober.

Quse56 I am not sure what your story is, but my drinking took me from being quite the social person to some one who drank alone in his garage daily, there was only one other person I knew who drank like I did and I only would see him once every couple of months. I did not want to hang with people who did not drank like me because they might think I had a problem! LOL

For me the fellowship has brought me out of my isolation in an excellent manner. The interesting thing I see in the fellowship is those who said they were barflys love the fellowship because they feel very comfortable hanging with folks and BSing. Funny thing how the fellowship works in the favor of both folks like me and those who have always liked socializing.

There are still some folks in the rooms that seem to be withdrawn from me, but you know, that is okay, I do know that if I really needed them they too would be there for me, just like I would be there for them.

aasharon90

Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.

By the grace of my HP and people
like you here in SR I havent found
it necesssary to pick up a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.

For that and you I am truely grateful.

Service work or being of service
to others.

Both are important in recovery.

From the beginning going to any
lengths to stay sober was that
important. And that meant going
to meetings even when i didnt
want to go.

If i went to any lengths to drink
then it meant the same for not
drinking.

By watching the actions of my
sponsor and how she stayed
sober the many yrs before me,
I followed in her footsteps.

She had a love for baking and
sharing that gift with others. I
followed her to several conventions
in the beginning and learned
to help in the hositality room.

From there I baked at home and
brought my goodies to the many
different meeting I went to.

I wasnt a speaker so listening
and absorbing the messages of
recovery was important.

The more meetings i went to
and the more goodies i shared
then the more people saw me.

Been seen and not necessarily
heard was my way of service
work.

Service work of baking and sharing
my gift with others was accepted.

Doing this has kept me sober for
a many one days at a time to get
me where I am today.

Today I continue to share my
experiences strengths and hopes
with others here in SR and mostly
one on one where I feel the most
comfortable.

I dont need to hang out with
others in meetings or have group
friends to stay sober. Im comfortable
in my own skin and live a quiet life
happy joyous and free with my spouse.

And this is how it works for me.

laurie6781

There were a lot of things in my early recovery that I HAD to do, until I WANTED to do them, then I DIDN'T HAVE TO do them anymore, lol

When I look back now, it was all to get me out of 'self.' I am so grateful that I had the sponsor I had for so many years (until her passing).

Sobriety and recovery is a LOT OF HARD WORK, but so worth it!!!

Hang in there, talk with your sponsor about this, and keep trudgin.

Love and hugs,

Wolfchild

i had an incredibly hard time with people who had relapsed. So much so, God sent some of them my way that asked me to be their sponsor. It was at that point that God started to become less anonymous in my recovery! As i continue to apply what i have come to understand thru working the 12 Steps & 12 Traditions, i find that it's OK to take a chance at living clean. Interacting with others is how the WE part of this program works best. As i let go of what i think about others who are in this process, the stronger my desire to make progress becomes! WE all need each other to stay clean and to live in this day WE have to live it!!

It is refreshing to be able to share in the miracle of our recovery & life together! Thank you!!