where to begin...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: eastchester new york
Posts: 8
where to begin...
hi my name is...anonymos for now....by the way i cannot spell anymore. This will be kind of long, but im going to explain my life story as there are no questions needed to be asked but only answers to be told. All through highschool i was the life of the party, going out drinking making tons of friends, smoking rediculouse amounts of pot, doing mushrooms, spent a year drinking and doing cocaine. The alchoholic part of me was from about the age of 13-20 almost a liter of vodkah a day. I never got addicted to any of these substances, gave them all up at about the age of 21 with no issues. i wouldnt say im addicted to substances, but rather addicted to getting messed up. I dropped out of highschool and had joined the army, the infantry, in search of a good life that would be forced upon me, in search of self esteem and a sense of normality. It didnt work. After 4 years in the army i developed gout (i am now 24) and severe social anxiety/ generalized anxiety. Not to say i dont have friends, most of which have moved away but i make friends easily, but when im around people i dont know my mind races, i get embarassed..basically get panic attacks. Its been crippling ive been unable to hold down a job or go to school, right now im in the middle of a technicall school and i missed alot of classes the last few weeks, heres why. being the smart person i am, i had gout and got prescribed oxycodone, being the smart and somewhat manipulative person i am i slowly worked the system till i was receiving about 260 oxycodone and 70 hydromorphones a month, i went from regular doctor to pain management. It helped my anxiety, until i saw the vast increase in pills/ less effect and it started to kill my drive to do anything. So one day i threw them out and detoxed at home (which by the way was hell) im now basically 1 1/2 months clean from them, tho i relapsed once and took 2 7.5 mg pills, and didnt touch em again since. my will power has always been to say the least...amazing, however since i quit all these anxiety problems have come back. Im seeing a therapyst who prescribed me a good amount of xanax, ONLY to be used for bout 2 weeks while my celexa takes hold, i hate the way they make me feel anyway. The real thing thats bothering me now, is the boredom, i used to love to play video games, play my guitar...now, NOTHING IS FUN i hop on a game and sign off after 5 min, i pick up my guitar and put it down, i pace around my room smoking 2 packs a day and just end up going to sleep most of the time. Is this lack of...interest normal for a while? did i destroy something in my brain (endorphines/seretonin) that is unrecoverable or does this eventually come back. Im only 2 days in to taking my celexa. i have no drive, no drive to study, cant focus more then 20 min on studying, i hate being inside and need to like run around but at the same time that doesnt help. I excercise 1 hour a day cardio + weight lifting...that doesnt help either. I feel like im going completely insane inside, i want to start enjoying things as usuall, my girlfriend u could give her a freaking yo yo and thatd entertain her, why do i feel this way? when i was on oxy's even the most mundane bulls*** task was enjoyable. *sigh* someone please respond.
Meow
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: The Great Lakes State
Posts: 1,585
metal - check out the anxiety part on this website - specifically the sticky on the top written by historyteach. (I can't post links yet).
I can't address the pill issue, but I sure can sympathize with anxiety problems. Been there, done that - in fact, I think the drinking is the last part of my anxiety disorder that I still need to resolve.
You're a vet, and it appears that you got out recently. Have you contacted any veterans organizations for counseling or other assistance with anxiety? The Disabled American Veterans have a lot of resources and are willing to help veterans that aren't classified as service-connected. Check their website by googling Disabled American Veterans.
I can't address the pill issue, but I sure can sympathize with anxiety problems. Been there, done that - in fact, I think the drinking is the last part of my anxiety disorder that I still need to resolve.
You're a vet, and it appears that you got out recently. Have you contacted any veterans organizations for counseling or other assistance with anxiety? The Disabled American Veterans have a lot of resources and are willing to help veterans that aren't classified as service-connected. Check their website by googling Disabled American Veterans.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
I'm not an expert on what you're asking metal4you, but I wanted to say welcome.
I'm sure you'll get some answers here but do check out the anxiety forum that purple cat mentioned, and our substance abuse forum.
D
I'm sure you'll get some answers here but do check out the anxiety forum that purple cat mentioned, and our substance abuse forum.
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,294
Ask your healthcare provider if this mood change could be a side effect of the celexa. You may need to try a different medication, or have the dosage adjusted. It's not uncommon for antidepressants to result in moods that make you feel like you got a lobotomy.
CLMI
CLMI
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 957
Good for you to reach out.
Not a doctor and never wanted to be, just a nurse, but Purplecat gave some great advice as well as others.
All that I can add is that I feel for you and offering positive thoughts your way. Keep posting!
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