a friend in need is a... sick relationship?
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: canada
Posts: 63
a friend in need is a... sick relationship?
I was just reading another thread and saw that someone's signature thingy was
"a friend in need is a friend indeed"
(I have nothing against this person, the phrase only sparked interest)
It just made me think of how so many of us (or alanon-ers, etc.) try to be the caretaker, the savior, the martyr...
I only seem to choose friends who I know have something wrong, have issues.
I don't necessarily want to "fix" them; but if I meet a "normal" person I feel like I don't relate to them, and I have such a low self esteem/inferiority issues/etc. that I am downright distrustful and suspicious of people until I find a flaw in them.
I learned this the hard way at school a few months ago. There are quite a few girls with the same or similar names (i.e. Katie, Katlyn, Katy & Katie). One of them, I thought was a total snob, then one day someone was talking about how she (I thought) was painfully shy. I had a complete turn-around; she wasn't a snob, she was nice, only shy (like me)
The next day I found out that the shy person that was mentioned was someone else. There I faced a dilemma: can I go back to disliking this person and writing them off a a snob? Did I give her a chance, no, I just assumed she was a "perfect little queen bee" that so many teen movies' plots surround.
-is this getting too adolescent for you guys out there in cyberspace?
the point is, when I read the phrase, it made me think about how I, a screwed up person is attracted mostly to other screwed up people.
Someone told me that my life's gonna suck, then I'll probably fall in love and marry an alcoholic. I hope that's not true. (aaaargh!)
anyway, what do you guys think, can relate, about us sticking with people insick relationships?
"a friend in need is a friend indeed"
(I have nothing against this person, the phrase only sparked interest)
It just made me think of how so many of us (or alanon-ers, etc.) try to be the caretaker, the savior, the martyr...
I only seem to choose friends who I know have something wrong, have issues.
I don't necessarily want to "fix" them; but if I meet a "normal" person I feel like I don't relate to them, and I have such a low self esteem/inferiority issues/etc. that I am downright distrustful and suspicious of people until I find a flaw in them.
I learned this the hard way at school a few months ago. There are quite a few girls with the same or similar names (i.e. Katie, Katlyn, Katy & Katie). One of them, I thought was a total snob, then one day someone was talking about how she (I thought) was painfully shy. I had a complete turn-around; she wasn't a snob, she was nice, only shy (like me)
The next day I found out that the shy person that was mentioned was someone else. There I faced a dilemma: can I go back to disliking this person and writing them off a a snob? Did I give her a chance, no, I just assumed she was a "perfect little queen bee" that so many teen movies' plots surround.
-is this getting too adolescent for you guys out there in cyberspace?
the point is, when I read the phrase, it made me think about how I, a screwed up person is attracted mostly to other screwed up people.
Someone told me that my life's gonna suck, then I'll probably fall in love and marry an alcoholic. I hope that's not true. (aaaargh!)
anyway, what do you guys think, can relate, about us sticking with people insick relationships?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
I think you are not reading this properly. This quote is paraphrased as:
A friend, when you are in need of a friend, is a friend indeed.
Nothing sick about that.
I have no comment on your examples.
A friend, when you are in need of a friend, is a friend indeed.
Nothing sick about that.
I have no comment on your examples.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
As an ACOA, I have been attracted to damaged people for most of my life. Only recently (in the past few years, and i'm in my 40's) have I started to feel creeped out when damaged people try to connect with me.
For me, it was simple: I was comfortable with damaged, shy, lost people, because I was one. I thought they, of all people, would "get" me, and wouldn't hurt me, because they understood what it was like.
Good insight, discontentmiser!!!
For me, it was simple: I was comfortable with damaged, shy, lost people, because I was one. I thought they, of all people, would "get" me, and wouldn't hurt me, because they understood what it was like.
Good insight, discontentmiser!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
I too have been a person who was "attracted" to people who NEEDED someone. And I'm 52 and just realizing that I chose poorly in a lot of my friendships, and in love. So good for you for recognizing the possibility of doing this in life. Now you can continue to study up on it so you make wise choices, both in friendship, and in love, where you put YOURSELF first and others can come into your circle if they are GOOD enough for you 
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
Sounds exactly right. I was like this all my life. One sick friendship after another. One sick relationshiop after another.
I finally got far enuf along in my recovery to have some common sense and let go of these kind of people. They're absolutely toxic to me. And, by my always wanting to fix them, I was toxic to them.
No more for me. I don't need the chaos any more.
I finally got far enuf along in my recovery to have some common sense and let go of these kind of people. They're absolutely toxic to me. And, by my always wanting to fix them, I was toxic to them.
No more for me. I don't need the chaos any more.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
