bdiddy5522

So here I am, all proud of myself for going 5 days without a drink, and it seems to have made my home life worse. I know sobriety is the way to go, but I seem more down and depressed sober. My wife is miserable, and yelling at me about not spending enough time with our daughter. The little things that I used to let roll of my back while drinking (crying baby, dirty diapers, toys on the floor) now seem to bug me! I complain about them, and she yells at me about letting it bother me. It seems like things are WORSE now that I am sober. I left the house after lunch today to go back to work with my wife in tears, asking what is happening to us?!?! Is it possible she loved the drunk me more than the sober me?

Anyone have any suggestions? Thanks everyone!

Fubarcdn

Five days is not much time and your nerves are probably a bit raw. It is a big change and things do not get better immediately just because you are getting the alcohol out of your system.
All I can say is if you work at staying sober things will get much better. You will become the person that your wife and daughter deserve.
Stay the course and do not drink even if things seem bad right now.
You have to be patient.
Good luck and congrats on five days. The first month or so is the hardest.

Richard54

bdiddy sorry to hear that you are going through this.

Don't you think it's possible that all these problems you are now experiencing have been there all along, and you just blotted them out with alcohol?

You've only been sober for 5 days, go easy on yourself buddy.

I think you'll soon find it's actually easier to face life's ups and downs with a sober clear head, than to be blotting it all out with alcohol.

bdiddy5522

Thanks everyone. I know all of these things have always been there, but they just didn't irritate me before. I told my wife today that "maybe I am just not meant to be a family man." OUCH! At least when I was drinking I played with my daughter, and ate meals with them. Now I just sit there and try not to explode at all the little things that eventually build into a large thing.

I know I need more time, and believe me I am not throwing in the towel. I am just wondering if this is normal, and if it gets better. It kills me to think that this is now how my life will be forever. I guess I have made all of life's big decisions while in the haze of alcohol. Marriage, child, career..... maybe I am not that person that wanted all of that stuff when I was drinking?

Fubarcdn

You are probably feeling a little bit of resentment towards your wife and even your beautiful baby but believe me you will feel more resentment towards yourself if you choose drink over your family.
Not many of us really wanted to quit the drink and the early parts are filled with emotions both good and bad. Sometime soon you will feel great love for your family and maybe even shed a tear or two: I know I did. I did not quit drinking until my kids were grown and the thing I regret most is the time I wasted in the bars when I could have been with them.
Try making a list of the good and bad of drinking and I am sure you will come to realize that the good of a happy loving family life will outweigh the temporary good feeling that the buzz gives you.
Good luck again.
People here care about you and want you to be happy. Keep posting and reading it really helps with the frustrations that you are feeling right now.
It is not easy so be strong.

1_day@_a_time

One of the principles of recovery, my thought life is unmanageable, yes, sober.

Since I have no coping skills, no emotional maturity I drank to find a way to handle life.

When the alcohol is gone, the problem is the same. That part of my has not changed!

I must find a new way & build a whole new life.

Just putting a plug in the jug, for me, does not work.

Might want to call your wife back & calmly apologize.

If it were me, I would not make excuses for my behavior. "I'm newly sober, I'm trying to change, I have been sober 5 days"...blah blah blah....my experience has been she won't want to hear it.

Our loved ones are sick and tired of our excuses......endless promises to change.

I apologize and THEN EXPLAIN HOW I WILL HANDLE IT BETTER IN THE FUTURE. MAKE NO BIG PROMISES.

I apologize quietly and calmly once. Then I move along.

Then diligently (like I used to drink) apply spiritual principles in my life to avoid repeats.

To do this, I need a Power greater than myself, for on my own, I can no longer act to good purpose.

smacked

when we get sober, we suddenly realize that life still happens..the world does not stand still waiting for us to recover and feel better. Plus, we cause a lot of damage when we're drinking. I'm sure you drank for more than 5 days.. give your wife time to heal too.. that can take a VERY long time, as it should.

I don't know if you're working a recovery program or just merely not drinking, but abstinence from alcohol is NOT recovery.

5 days is just a breath.. spend time working on your detox/recovery, and I hope the rest comes around for you soon.

1_day@_a_time

it gets better if YOU CHANGE and learn how to live happily & usefully whole.

There are formal programs of recovery that teach us this way of life.

For me, this is a perfect example of why formal recovery is critical........

There is more to quitting drinking than quitting drinking.

Hevyn

It is normal, it does get better. I missed my "buffer" terribly in the beginning. As Fub said, your emotions/nerves are raw for the first time in awhile. You almost need to learn to live again without being numb. If the love is there, everything will fall into place. Your wife needs to be patient and give you time to heal. I feel for everyone who is trying to get well when children, high pressure jobs, and other health issues are present. I had the luxury of only having myself to focus on and it that was hard enough.

Be kind to yourself and don't expect too much. As others have said, there's much more to this whole recovery thing than just getting dry. We care, and we're pulling for you!

Boleo

Good news is, when you stop drinking you get your emotions back.

Bad news is, when you stop drinking you get your emotions back.

tommyk

I remember it well... discovering the difference between sobriety and recovery.

Mark75

OK

I am not perfect... My relationship with my wife, my enthusiasm for life, etc... all have been on a roller coaster... My kids are older now... so no diapers, tuition is much harder...

Take this in the spirit intended....

Pick up the toys if they bother you... change your child's diaper... stop at the grocery store and pick up things your wife needs at home....

Get Busy!! Early sobriety sucks... If you try to think of others, you don't have to think about yourself so much....

Congrats on the 5 days... One day at a time! I know it's hard, I've been where you are.

Mark

Dee74

It's not easy bdiddy, but keep at it and it'll be the best thing you ever do
D

stone

Nice and simple advice there.

Congrats on your 5 days, it will get better.

hps

Sobriety always did make things worse for me, that's why I had trouble being sober for more than a week. In retrospect, I always underestimated how tough it was to stay sober, at least to start. I had to learn how to let emotions ride, they aren't fatal. I went to daily AA meetings and got a sponsor.

coffeenut

Like others have said, early sobriety it rough. But getting sober is so worth it.

Welcome to SR. We're glad you're here. And Congrats on 5 days w/o a drink!