effortjoy

I've been experimenting: drinking during family and political/business get togethers and staying sober. By far, drinking improves my social interactions. Why? Even my marriage seems better off when I've had a few- though of course my husband wouldn't know that- because he hardly ever knows when I"m drinking. I hide it much more now that he knows that I am struggling with quitting and drinking. How can I stop when everyone else seems so much happier when I'm drinking?

Wolfchild

i hope that you find the answears you are looking for.
Be careful, experimenting with alcohol can be dangerous.

Why not experiment with abstinence for about 30 days?

Taking5

Alcohol gets you high and YOU feel better.

What makes you want to make a post like this if you don't feel it is a problem? Does someone else in your life feel it is a problem?

Charmie

ditto to the last 2 posts!

Rowan

I'm glad you are asking questions about your drinking. You are in the right place.

joinedintime

You're not truly facing and dealing with reality when you're not sober
You're "escaping" temporarily
The more you do that the less you want to deal with reality
When you stop for a little while, reality tends to suck compared to the escape
Thus the cycle continues

Problem is reality continues too
And your reality tends to get worse the longer you go without dealing with it
This is why the beginning of sobriety is more difficult than after you've been at it a while

Here's one analogy you could think about:

It's like cleaning out your closet - 10 minutes into the job you have a bigger mess than you started with so it's tempting to throw it all back and shut the door.
Next time you open the door it looks worse than when you started last time

Clean out your closet and then you can put some new fresh and clean things in there.
You'll feel better about yourself and you'll socialize better sober than you do now
You might find that you don't want to socialize with the same people - that's a part of the closet cleaning.

Boleo

Alcohol starts out being a social lubricant for nearly all of us. Unfortunately, at some point it starts to lubricate the "slippery slope" that we find ourselves on.

smacked

Being totally honest in all of my relationships has been much better for them than being deceitful ever was.

My sobriety is not dependent on what other people thought of me though..

I'm pretty sure if your husband knew everything there is to know, he wouldn't agree that your marriage is better for it.

FBL

There's a reason they call alcohol "liquid courage". It gives socially akward people (like me) the courage to socialize in an otherwise uncomfortable situation. It took me a lot of years to realize that I can just be myself and that's ok (and I'm still coming to terms with that today). Most of the so-called "friends" I hung out with only did so because they liked to get plastered as well. Your true friends will try to understand your problems and encourage you to face them and solve them as best you can.

Freedom1990

That was certainly the case for me. I was never comfortable in my own skin when sober, so I loved the effect that alcohol gave me in social situations. Of course it ended up being the boomerang that knocked me to the ground in the end.

1_day@_a_time

Research says we have a warped mind from our alcohol usage. SO, where did you get this information? From your mind? Info processed through the warper?

I've learned for me, that's not a good idea.

A relationship "improved" with alcohol sounds dysfunctional to me, for my life.

I tried that in over 22 years of marriage.

I'm divorced now.

tommyk

effort- why was it that you wanted to quit drinking?

tallcactus

((Effortjoy))

Listen good okay, and this is said with love and soft voice.

Joinedintime said it best:




"You're not truly facing and dealing with reality when you're not sober
You're "escaping" temporarily."

That was me, loved to escape, did not want to deal with all the mess, so to speak.

You stated, "How can I stop when everyone else seems so much happier when I'm drinking?"
I feel and I think you feel that you have a problem and I think misery loves company. Just my 2 pennies.
Not my intention to hurt you in any way.

smacked

Oh I just remembered that you are the same person that thinks you are a better mother when you're actively drinking.

I hope you come to some different conclusions about how alcohol damages, not enhances relationships soon.. at least for their sake.

coffeenut

Alcohol improves nothing.

Richard54

In my own experience....

Over time, alcohol has destroyed more relationships in my life than it has ever improved.

Sikkisirus

'Everyone seems so much happier when im drinking.'

So are you drinking to keep them happy? Or are you drinking because you're UNhappy?
In my opinion if you're drinking and its not a problem, say you can stop at 1 or 2 and feel happy in yourself then I don't see a problem. However if you answer 'yes' to either of my questions then drinking can't be much fun.

Fubarcdn

Thinking like that used to get me into trouble but not anymore.
I now know that the only one that thinks alcohol makes you a better person is you and maybe some other boozers who are also buzzed at the time.
I think you are probably only fooling yourself.

lauraandersen4

I haven't posted in a couple weeks, but this thread annoyed me so much I had to post. Effort... are you really even trying to quit or are you doing this to kill time? From what you said, alcohol has very few if any negative effects on your life. You are a big girl... you know what you can handle and you don't need us to tell you.

The problematic part for me about your situation is that it seems you WANT TO GET CAUGHT DRINKING... It's like you try to "hide" it and then get disappointed when your husband doesn't notice you are hiding it... and that is counter-intuitive to me if you are truly "addicted" to any drug. I'm wondering if it is more an addiction to attention you have re: your husband. I'm not judging you but either you want to stop or you don't and really, it only matters to you at this point.

All I know is this. I have expressed desire to decrease the amount of alcohol I drink to people who have brought it up to me... but never, ever, ever in a MILLION years would I tell someone who didn't have a problem with my drinking in the first place that I was going to STOP PERIOD! For what purpose? If you are doing this for you, great... but you aren't so good at it. Neither was I, but I stopped writing threads like this.

Maybe you should consider making an honest effort OR figuring out your reasoning for even wanting to stop in the first place OR keep drinking but for the love of God... please stop drinking and posting about it unless you are serious about your intent.

Sorry for any harshness.

::steps off of soapbox:: Hope everyone here has been well.

NewBeginning010

Those seems /\ can be deceiving, please be careful with them.

I looked back at some of your other posts & you have started some very good threads with good questions that people gave thoughtful & intelligent answer's to. It might be a good idea to look back at them & read them over a few times.

This thread below had some particularly good input. Please take care of yourself, alcohol abuse destroys relationships, people & lives. Take Care, NB

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-fighting.html

From what you posted before your husband is quite aware of your drinking & not very happy about it either.