brundle

This is an update from a post last week about hating going away with my AH. I don't think I will ever like going away with him... Part of that is because I don't like him or the drinking. I would love to say "never again"... We'll see... Some of it was fun...Like when he would nap (so he could stay up late to drink) and the kids and I would sneak off... That was fun...

I have to admit I only got to read most of your posts today. I hardly got near the PC. It was like if I stopped moving I may explode or something...

I didn't mention with that post that we hadn't gone away for about two years... so I think my memories where foggy....and I've done so well detatching here...I didn't expect to fall into such a co-dependent stupor...not just with him but with the kids too (who by the way are 22 &18). It's like I feel I need to keep everyone happy. Which is impossible and no one ever is least of all me...

For those who asked "why are you still with this guy?"... my only pitiful answer is... I don't know... part of it is because I'm disabled with MS... and even thought I wouldn't starve...with the way the economy is right now it's not really a good time to leave because I would have to live off the money we would get for the house and houses aren't worth what they once where....That is a huge factor...I make almost nothing on disablility...but if I work I loose my medicare and I couldn't work enough to get health insurance. If I was well I could just work and leave and not think of all this stuff.

I had planned on moving in with my 22 year old. She's an x-ray tech...thanks again to the economy she's only part-time and our area is on a freeze for now. She is studying MRI and that should open lots of doors for her but for now she's not making enough to live on her own either. My son is just starting college. So this is how I end up looking down the road of freedom and never taking the step... thinking..."well if she get's full time...." or "If the housing market just comes up a bit..." so I wait... I suppose that sounds sad to put up with all of this to some of you; but that's really why I do it.

Well that's my update... Thanks for listening to me vent... I know it's only here that you all can understand what it's like...

ItsmeAlice

I know the feeling of financial insecurity. I was there. Still am really.

I kept waiting and biding my time until I could support myself on my own. Planning, processing, getting ideas for how to leave, if I could leave, could I support myself on and on. I had thought of all the different ways things could go. All the different options good or bad. But you know what, my HP had something entirely out of left field in mind.

One Friday, I got a call that changed everything. XABF lost his job and lost our housing with it. I had to move whether I liked it or not. Finding a place and supporting two people suddenly became my job....and it wasn't the first time that had happened.

I decided to go with the concept that when the going gets tough, the tough get going...well, I went. I figured while if I had to manage it would be a lot easier to manage it without an alcoholic weighing me down.

You do not know how strong you are until you are faced with the unexpected. It seems no matter how much thought we put into all the variables, another seems to pop up and surprise us.

When you are open to change, it will happen.

Glad you are back having had some quality time with the kids.

Alice

naive

brundle-

i agree with alice. open up to the possibility of something going your way. take small steps in the direction you want to go.

i thought i had no options until i started laying out my situation here at SR. then, someone would suggest a solution i hadn't thought of or recommended something i hadn't considered.

brundle

Well on an up note I have been 'de-clutering'... my code word for packing things up little by little. It makes me feel better. Thanks all... it really is nice hearing from all of you...

Still Waters

Thinking about it, I feel like I've been waiting for a very long time. Waiting in the beginning when my AH was so sick, for the doctors to figure out what the problem was. Then waiting for surgery, then for recovery, then for rehab, then for recovery, etc.

Now I'm waiting again - for closure (legal).

And for a job, and a vehicle, etc.

Sigh.

How can we change this cycle of waiting rather than action Brundle?

brundle

good question... and why does it never seem like the 'right' time?

blessed4x

brundle....I feel for you. I thought for a really long time that I was stuck. Didn't know how I'd EVER get by with 4 kids on my own. When I stepped out of my comfort zone and began making changes I knew were the right ones, amazing things started happening. Money came from all sorts of unexpected places, and now I'm doing better than I was with 2 incomes (my XAH had a stable income despite his habit).

Faith is believing in something we cannot see, and taking a leap knowing that we will be caught. If it is truly your hearts desire to get out of the marriage, and you really see no way, why not consult with an attorney to see what the possibilities are. I met with 2, and both of the initial consults were free. If it's your hearts desire to stay and learn to detach and be happy, then pour your soul into acheiving that. I don't think there's a right or a wrong path, as long as the outcome leads you toward inner peace.